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coolies
Pileated woodpecker
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19 Oct 2012, 9:58 am

So I started a martial arts, when people found out about my sexuality I copped a lot of crap for it.
Then I went to the class last week and we sparred... And I absolutely got my ass kicked by one of the ones giving me crap. Split lips punches to side of head etc.

What now! I'm sick of all this and I did like going to the class



salem44dream
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20 Oct 2012, 8:09 pm

That's terrible -- I'm so sorry to hear about that. I don't what advice to give, and I don't think what I do is the best solution, even though it works. I started trying to figure out what places and situations to avoid, even if it meant not doing the things I enjoyed anymore. However, I think at my age that strategy has begun to backfire, because I feel increasingly isolated. Anyone else chime in here with ideas?



visagrunt
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22 Oct 2012, 11:53 am

There's not really enough information to know what to suggest.

One course of action is to cut yourself away from the class, and find a new one where your can continue. If you give in to bullies, it reinforces their bullying. But it's not your responsibility to change their behaviour.

Alternatively, you can get back up and keep going to class. Keep working, and develop your skills. If you resist bullies, they may well lose interest.

However, it is worth having a word with whoever is responsible for the class--if split lips and punches to the side of the head are acceptable practice in the class, that's one thing--but if they're not, then someone should be regulating that.


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22 Oct 2012, 12:00 pm

visagrunt wrote:
if split lips and punches to the side of the head are acceptable practice in the class


What sort of class would that be an acceptable practice anyway? Unless this person accidently signed up for Fight Club



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24 Oct 2012, 2:47 am

Just find another class and try to keep your sexuality to yourself. I hope this doesn't end your pursuit of martial arts, but i would not return to that class.


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mljt
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24 Oct 2012, 8:16 am

Speak to the people who run it? How is it acceptable for someone to actually get physically hurt in a martial arts class?



RageHQ
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24 Oct 2012, 3:16 pm

What does sexuality or gender have to do with martial arts? It shouldn't. I thought you were supposed to wear protective gear while sparring. This sounds odd to me. Yea it's really messed up. I'd go to the people who run the joint and complain against them or go somewhere else. I would hope the Master would try to find a solution. That could get them kicked out or toned down. If the Master does nothing, he is not a good teacher or is just after your money anyway. It's hard to take when people don't accept you as you are, but most of them are shallow individuals. Biggots and bullies are usually unhappy with themselves anyway.



visagrunt
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24 Oct 2012, 4:57 pm

mljt wrote:
Speak to the people who run it? How is it acceptable for someone to actually get physically hurt in a martial arts class?


The original post tells us nothing about what martial art is being taught, nor the level at which it is being taught.

I would expect that any martial arts class that involves sparring between particpants carries and inherent risk of injury--the same as any other full contact sport. So the issue is not getting physically hurt, but rather whether the injuries are outside the standards of what a reasonable person would expect in a class of that calibre, practicing that particular martial art.

Without that key information, we wind up leaping to conclusions that might not be warranted. Which is why the person who is responsible for the class is the best authority to determine what is accpetable and what is not. And if that determination is not consistent with coolies' expectations, then coolies is well advised to find a new class.


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24 Oct 2012, 9:42 pm

Some of you seem unaware of how bad bullying is in some regions of the U.S.

Watch this movie, if you can get access to it --

Bullied: A Student, a School and a Case That Made History

"Bullied is a documentary film that chronicles one student’s ordeal at the hands of anti-gay bullies and offers an inspiring message of hope to those fighting harassment today. It can become a cornerstone of anti-bullying efforts in middle and high schools."

Note that the suffering this student had to go through occurred in a rural area. I don't like to make generalizations, but I do wonder if bullying is more common out of an urban setting.



visagrunt
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25 Oct 2012, 11:26 am

salem44dream wrote:
Some of you seem unaware of how bad bullying is in some regions of the U.S.


What gives you that impression?

I don't see anyone here describing his treatment as anything other than bullying--but we do not yet know how egregious his treatment at the hands of his bullies was, which can only be known in relation to what the acceptable standards of behaviour in that context were.

All bullying is wrong--but the correct response to bullying is context specific.


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salem44dream
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25 Oct 2012, 8:23 pm

If you watch the video, maybe you'll see how bad bullying still is in the U.S.

The Video



visagrunt
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26 Oct 2012, 1:13 pm

That wasn't my question. I'm perfectly well aware abot the gravity of bullying.

My question is why you think that people in this forum are unaware of it.


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salem44dream
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26 Oct 2012, 9:12 pm

I'm not on this forum to prove any points. I supposed I could scroll back down through all the threads and tell you why I got that impression, but I'm not going to do that. Bigger battles to fight in my life. My comment was about some people didn't understand how someone who comes out in the setting of a martial arts academy would run into the problem of bullying.

Middle school is still the worst for stuff like that ... high school isn't always as bad, but the bullies simply learn to be more subtle about it. While I've never been to a martial arts academy, I can only imagine that must be worse.



visagrunt
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29 Oct 2012, 2:54 pm

salem44dream wrote:
I'm not on this forum to prove any points. I supposed I could scroll back down through all the threads and tell you why I got that impression, but I'm not going to do that. Bigger battles to fight in my life. My comment was about some people didn't understand how someone who comes out in the setting of a martial arts academy would run into the problem of bullying.

Middle school is still the worst for stuff like that ... high school isn't always as bad, but the bullies simply learn to be more subtle about it. While I've never been to a martial arts academy, I can only imagine that must be worse.


Seems to me like that's precisely what you're in this forum for: to prove a point that nobody--not one person--has disagreed with.

In my view it is not enough to identify behaviour as bullying--it is also necessary to respond to bullying. But the response must take into account may factors: the severity of the bullying (which depends on context); the willingness of people in authority to support the victim of bullying; and most importantly, the willingness of the victim of bullying to take on his bullies.

The title of this thread was not, "Was I bullied?" The title of this thread is, "What now?" In my view, your contribution to the discussion hasn't advanced the question that the OP asked. We all recognize what happened to him as bullying. We all know how bad bullying can be. What we don't know are the context specific factors that let us give the OP advice upon how he can answer his own question.


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