Best friend's husband hates me

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and because he does we have to spend less time together- especially quality time/ alone time as best friend's. Wife has said that I did nothing to start this behavior in him. I admit some of my reactions to his rudeness/bullying was less than stellar at times but nevertheless was just that- a reaction to his mistreatment. Because I am having a hard time dealing with it- my friend keeps us separated as much as possible- including banning me from her home and some of the things that we have once enjoyed doing there. Yes, it is his home, but it is also my best friends home. Is it right that my friend and I have to adopt so much because of him and his insecurities and jealousy. I resent immensely having to have that part of my friends life taken from me. And I don't know how to explain how unfair and hurtful having that done to me feels.

any thoughts or comments?

your "best friend" and her hubby are a package deal, take 'em both together or leave 'em both. you need a new best friend, IMHO.

My friend is my kindred spirit and is just or almost as miserable about this as I am- and I think she is far worth the pains of this. We are just trying to figure out a solution to fix this. At one point all three of us got along. The rest of her family has no problem with the friendship. Loss of a well paying job (4 years ago)- taking on jobs "not worthy of him", etc. have made him a far different man than his wife has described and from what I originally seen. I have become the scapegoat.

Almost every single one of my girl friends boyfriends or husbands hated me from the get go. All the boy friends wives and girlfriends also hated me (PLATONIC BOY FRIENDS)

I don't care. I'm not there to be friends with their spouse or whatever, and the chances are good that once the husband starts being an ass to me, they are gonna get it right back in spades. The way I handle it is I'm all nice and polite and superficial and smiling at the house while talking to the husband and my friend is getting ready to go, and as soon as we are in the car I say "God, what a dick!" and she goes "I know, right?" and we talk about him for a few minutes and then thats that. I never say anything too bad about him, because I do know she loves her husband and wants to be with him. Well, unless she doesn't love him any more and is only with him still due to circumstance, and then it's no holds barred.

See, here's the thing; you and your friend may get along great and love each other. That does not mean that everyone they love is going to love you or everyone you love is going to love them. You are going to have to let her handle her husband and decide how much to tell him or how much she's willing to piss him off by going somewhere with you. Every single one of my bestest in the wolrd (now dead) friend Wendy's six husbands hated me with unbridled passion, and it was mututal. Wendy was an in your face type of gal so she would just tell them "Get over it!" and tell me to say whatever I wanted to them, she didn't care, and she would invite me over for weekends, come and stay with me, etc, and they would just have to deal with it or not. (they would always divorce over other things than her choice of friends though). My other friend who lives two houses up from me, husband hates me too but he can't show it because we are neighbors and stuff and I've always been very polite. She told me the reason he hates me is that I don't "submit to my husband". WTF????? Yeah, they go to one of those kinds of Baptist churches and he expects her to do that, and she used to do that for years and years and finally got fed up and now she sneaks over here and parties with me and my friends. I'm sure this will come to a head one day and he will catch her and we will have it out, but that's ok, I'll worry about it then. He wouldn't even let her (LET HER!! !) go with me to a free spa day at the Haven when I won one for me and a friend. It's two miles up the road at a beauty parlor, I mean what does he think would happen?

Anyway, I'd suggest that you focus on your friend and not worry about her ball and chain, and follow her lead in how you act about it. If she wants to downplay it, then you don't say much about it. If she b*****s about him, commiserate with her but watch yourself that you don't say too much and piss her off.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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