Some questions about depression

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I suspect that I had depression a few times in my childhood/youth, each time for about a few months.

I never dared to tell anyone. I didn't even know what it was that I was feeling. And who would ever take a child serious that claims to be depressed?

The thing is, I never found descriptions of what depression is supposed to feel like adequate. Most things I read about depression are like "well it feels like being sad and tired". But what I felt was much worse.

It's hard to describe, but it was a bit like very, VERY strong homesickness. Like the world had gone completely dark grey over night. I was always close to crying, felt alone and abandoned. I had horrible obsessive daydreams about terrible accidents killing my parents over and over again. The worst thing was that in those moments, I could absolutely not imagine that life would ever get better again. It was like living in a different dimension for a while. Hell, maybe.

Does this sound like depression? Or was it something else, maybe?

Sounds like depression to me. In fact, when I'm feeling suicidal I'm often thinking "I want to go home" over and over -- "home" meaning a better place than this world; wherever I'd go if I died. (Which is a bit ironic as I don't believe in heaven or hell or life after death.)

As someone who's been diagnosed with a mood disorder, and is fairly close to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, that sounds very much like the symptoms of depression that I get. People, particularly those who haven't ever been depressed, tend to think of depression as being severe sadness. Sadness, at least for me, is a poor description of what depression actually feels like. Sadness is a part of it, but it's a different experience to, say, the sadness experienced when grieving. At least in my case.

Depression is extremely painful. In my experience, severe physical pain doesn't compare to severe depression. There are many manifestations of this that go beyond "sadness and tiredness:" Hopelessness, emptiness, numbness, apathy, boredom, self-hatred, discouragement, loneliness, alienation, and a sense of being trapped/cornered off the top of my head.

"Homesickness" can definitely be a symptom of depression. The whole world feels very alien and hostile to me, and I commonly have fantasies of going to a place where things make sense and there are colors and I don't have to confront jagged edges everywhere.

Don't know for sure not ever having connected it to a sense of homesickness per se, but they do sound deeper then your run of the mill, and normal, blue moods that most people get. So yes, I would take it as a sign that something along the lines of depression is taking place.

Depression is one of those things you should take seriously, because it starts bad and can get worse in time. But if you do have it, it is a treatable condition for many/most. Tons of people have it and learn to manage it. The standard method of treatment begins with discussing it with your doctor. You can do your own research on current practices and approaches as well, and being informed when dealing with medical professionals is a good idea. Its still not a exact science and black and white, like breaking a bone. Feeling comforatble with your mental health doctor and them listening to you is very important, because your input is very important in the diagnosis stage. Beware doctors who seem to be able to diagnosis you before you get to fully explain your whole experience. Some think they can diagnose you while you are still in the waiting room... and here's your bill.

I suffered from depression since I was a child - I think it started at age 4 when my parents divorced. I first considered suicide at age ten. My Mom sent me to a psychologist - we played board games for an hour; I don't know how this was supposed to help.
Back then doctors didn't seem to think that children could be depressed; it's a shame because a lot of my current behaviour could have been avoided if I had been properly treated.