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Telling girls I'm an aspie - reaction?

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How will she respond?
Wow, that's cute! I'd love to get to know you better. 14%  14%  [ 8 ]
...OK. 52%  52%  [ 30 ]
Lol, go cry in the corner, you nerd. 34%  34%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 58

AspieOtaku
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15 Nov 2012, 10:16 pm

They would say FREAK!!Then they would avoid me at all costs.


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1000Knives
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15 Nov 2012, 10:40 pm

Kjas wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I feel like the only way to have and maintain a relationship is to keep my AS/HFA a secret and put on my NT facade because 9 out of 10 they will respond ...oh I had no idea or you hide it so well then they walk away or dump me shortly after with the its not you its me speech.


You can't keep up a façade with a long term partner. They will notice, and at some point it will cause issues and misunderstandings in your relationship. If you hide it from them - eventually your façade will slip - you simply cannot keep it up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When they find out that you were acting all along like an NT, but aren't actually like that - they will go "This is not what I signed up for" and leave anyway.

Most guys with AS that I know, they put up the NT façade long enough to get a woman interested, but then slip up or drop the act once they think that they "have" her and then once a woman figures out that it is all a façade, they leave.

Personally I think you are better off being up front about it from the beginning - if it's the right woman, they are going to use that knowledge to develop understanding, empathy and compassion in order to deepen your relationship,, right from the beginning. The ones who are going to leave if you tell them aren't worth it anyway.


All the women get mad at me for not asking questions about them and talking about my hobbies to them.



Evinceo
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16 Nov 2012, 3:16 pm

1000Knives wrote:
All the women get mad at me for not asking questions about them and talking about my hobbies to them.


Don't do that then? (I know it's hard, and I can't say I'm totally successful, but you've summed up the problem so perfectly...)



Giftorcurse
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18 Nov 2012, 2:20 pm

"Are you, like, f*****g ret*d or something?"


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madnak
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18 Nov 2012, 4:44 pm

I probably learned this from another source, but I've found it effective: spend about 1/3 of the time talking about yourself and about 2/3 of the time talking about the other person.



ManicDan
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18 Nov 2012, 4:47 pm

madnak wrote:
I probably learned this from another source, but I've found it effective: spend about 1/3 of the time talking about yourself and about 2/3 of the time talking about the other person.


simple rules like that are great.
i have quite a few for online dating, like:
never write more than they do
never reply back faster than they do
the opening message should be 5 sentences or less and reference 1-2 things interesting and unique about their profile that you have in common with them.

i only had a few fish bite, but i lost them the MOMENT i broke a rule.



WantToHaveALife
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19 Nov 2012, 4:42 pm

a woman can use just about any ice-breaker to start a conversation with a man, but for men, they have to be very careful



AspieOtaku
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19 Nov 2012, 10:39 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
"Are you, like, f***ing ret*d or something?"
Pretty much this.


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


naturalplastic
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20 Nov 2012, 2:30 pm

Most would probably say "Huh? You have a fridge full of hamburgers made from donkey meat? What does 'having ass burger's mean?'"

The few who have heard of asperger's may or may not have a complete understanding of it- but whether they do or not- it would not aid and abett what you're trying to accomplish (ie getting a date).

Unless its a dating site for people on the spectrum I dont see any point in mentioning to someone you're just starting to meet on a dating site.



CrushingHard61
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20 Nov 2012, 3:13 pm

As an NT woman, I would suggest telling her sometime during the course of a first date IF things are going really well, i.e. you are really clicking, and you'd like to see her again.

If you really like her and want to see her again, honesty is important to maintaining a good relationship. And as kjas said, "The ones who are going to leave if you tell them aren't worth it anyway." No point in investing time in a woman if she's not understanding and willing to learn everything she can about AS.

This thread is breaking my heart because the guy I adore is very likely an aspie and I would be quite honored if he trusted me enough to tell me. I have spent countless hours on websites and reading books trying learn everything I can about AS.

*sigh*



WantToHaveALife
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05 Dec 2012, 3:45 pm

it's the way it is but that doesn't mean i have to like it or enjoy it



Stalk
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05 Dec 2012, 4:37 pm

responses I get are mostly in the lines of,

oh that is interesting
but you are so smart
oh, with their eyes rolling
that is not you in the picture
tell me more, they seem really interested at first and then they disappear

from what I gather here on wrongplanet, if you are high on endorphins, it doesn't what you think, it will come out positive and people feed of it. If you happen to stop, they disappear, because you become a vampire :P

what I have yet to find is someone that will like me back for being me, never mind the additional bonus you would get from endorphins. I think NTs probably go through the same thing, except they seem to know when somebody actually likes them. :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Dec 2012, 4:40 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Don't say anything. Let people accept you for face value without a label. Look, at first everybody's friendly because they're eager to get to know new people. Some might even be aspie like yourself and NOT even know it. :)


This.