Hi all, I am just hoping to tell you all a bit about myself and my life and see what the consensus is…..I have a psychologist I see and I will be going to her to see if I can get a diagnosis very soon.
I will start right from the start. The reason I suspect I may be on the spectrum is due to a lot of different thing but just recently my Mother who works with people with disabilities told me she has believed I am autistic/aspie for a long time and that I should get it checked out. Her reasons relate a lot to my childhood which I will cover here:
As a very young baby I was apparently “like a stiff little rod”. I didn’t like being cuddled and was happiest when left on my own, on my back on the floor. I was a shocking sleeper also, to the point where I would be awake almost 24/7 unless I was taken for a ride in the car.
As I got older I would wake up and decide that today I was a cat, I would not respond to anything and would insist on drinking milk from a saucer off the floor or not eat at all. I would also decide that today my name was Jessica for example, and only respond to this, getting very angry if called by my actual name. I had an imaginary “thing” (not a friend as I was scared of it), from the age of 1 to about 3.
At school I was very independent, and ahead of most of my class, the teacher would tell my Mother that I would try and take over and teach the class. Apparently one day a girl bought me an icy pole because she had money. The next week when I had money she asked for one and I said no. She said “But I bought you one” And I said “I didn’t ask you to” and then went home and asked my Mum if I was wrong. I didn’t understand the concept at all.
I have been diagnosed with severe, chronic OCD and have suffered from this since around the age of 6. My obsessions mainly centred on symmetry, I count words and syllables and sentences and I created my own “language” when I was about 7 that I still know off by heart today.
When I started school I suffered from severe separation anxiety, would end up in the bag room bawling my eyes out while the teacher tried to ignore me. My Mum also said every day when she picked me up from school she would be ready for a fight. I would just overload and go nuts in the car on the way home and then trash my bedroom once we got home. I would have physical, hysterical and violent tantrums quite regularly.
Now I am 29. I work full time (this is a major source of stress for me), am married and have two dogs. I am on medication and therapy for my anxiety and manage to get by. I can handle some social situations but I despise them. I hate small talk and chit chat. I do not go out to parties and the like because it is too stressful and I find the whole exercise pointless. I actually get quite angry when people try and talk to me and want to just tell them to leave me alone. I can empathise but I also get told I’m cold at times due to my attitude or thoughts on subjects.
I hate changes in routine and get very nervous about going an where I haven’t been before I will map it out on Google maps and even follow it in street view so nothing is a surprise.
I have done the Aspie Quiz and my score is 144 -200 Aspie and 94-200 NT. I did the AQ with My Mum a few years ago and got 35.
I will be speaking to my psychologist about this as when I looked at my whole life, it just made sense. I have always felt different, alienated and this seems to explain it all.
Anyway sorry for the long post but thanks for reading
11 Nov 2012, 6:12 pm
Yes, that's a perfect way to describe it!
