Do you announce your presence when you get home to others?

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chiron_t34l
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23 Nov 2012, 12:07 am

Do you announce your presence when you get home to others?
Do you greet everyone in the house when you get home? Do you sit down with them and ask them how their day was?

When I come home (after work) I go to my room, others in the household find this offensive, saying that I don't care about them. I eventually come down and see them, just not right away. A family member will tell me that they are fed up with me not talking, and that I need to talk to them right away.

Tonight I sat at the dinner table feeling calm, the family member said that now her Thanks Giving is ruined. I replied with, I am feeling fine, and that is about all I said.

I've heard peolpe argue and say this to each other, but instead this was one way.



Rascal77s
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23 Nov 2012, 12:16 am

I can't handle too much exposure to people it makes me very agitated. I do try to say hello to people just because I learned it's easier to just say a few words that it is to patch up their hurt feelings later. I don't know why people so bent out of shape over someone wanting to be alone but they do and we have have to deal with it one way or another. Might as well be the easy way :P



AlmaBrown
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23 Nov 2012, 12:18 am

This happens to me a lot actually. Sometimes, my parents can get really worked up when I don't want to talk to them right as I walk through the door. It's weird for me because I'm not trying to be mean?

My family is usually pretty understanding, though. When I come home, I grab my book or computer and run upstairs to my room for an hour or so. I come down to interact with them when I'm ready... I need some time to de-clutter my state of mind or whatever. They tend to let me to it. On the occasions they don't let me be and when they insist on asking me about my day, I am unreasonably short tempered and harsh. I feel pretty bad afterwards...



2wheels4ever
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23 Nov 2012, 12:22 am

I think my family is just glad that I usually announce when I'm going out. I've "experimented" with initiating greetings in the past and it's the most unnatural feeling to me. I'll return greetings usually, but for me to sit down and discuss my or anyone else's day is definitely not in the firmware


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Ewags
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23 Nov 2012, 12:23 am

Most of the time I try to greet people. Sometimes it's too much.



Lumpia
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23 Nov 2012, 2:00 am

In younger years I actually got in trouble for not greeting family members appropriately.

Kind of aggravating. Not the worst thing in the world though.



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23 Nov 2012, 2:06 am

I don't have to. The dog does it for me.


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chiron_t34l
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23 Nov 2012, 3:20 am

AlmaBrown wrote:
I come down to interact with them when I'm ready... I need some time to de-clutter my state of mind or whatever


exactly.



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23 Nov 2012, 4:22 am

I always announce "Hi honey, I'm home" - but this is joking / parodying the same phrase I heard on TV. Can't remember who says in on TV now.


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Nesf
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23 Nov 2012, 4:33 am

When I was a teenager I used to have to have a de-stressing period on my own after school, and I always went straight up to the bathroom with a book and had a very long bath. Now I'm still not very communicative and don't talk much about my day because I don't see how this can be interesting to other people, especially when from my perspective nothing interesting has happened, and it is an effort to talk about it.



League_Girl
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23 Nov 2012, 4:33 am

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I com home and if my parents are still up or my husband, I ask about my son like when he woke up from his nap, when he last ate so I know when to put him to bed or so I would know that he is hungry if he fusses and acts up so I won't assume he is just tired I send him to bed on an empty stomach. I did that once and I felt so guilty about it. I came home and assumed he ate and was full so I thought he was throwing a fit because I made him go to bed and I was ignoring him because I was not giving in. But no he was cold and wet and hungry and mom had to take care of it all and she didn't even bother to come and get me. Instead she did it all for me. So I have learned better communication with my husband and parents. I still have to remember to do it.


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Entek
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23 Nov 2012, 7:20 am

I found that bursting into the front door and yelling in true Mighty Mouse style " HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAY" usualy stops ppl from asking you to greet them. Now their just thankful im home at all and didnt get off at the wrong stop again :D



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23 Nov 2012, 7:51 am

If someone is in the lounge (the front door opens into the lounge), I'll say hi to them, otherwise I don't announce my presence.
I come home all the time, I don't need to make a big event out of it.


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23 Nov 2012, 9:20 am

I don't announce that I am home immediately. It used to be that I would go off and do whatever I needed / intended to do upon arrival, and greet the other members of my household only when I encountered them in person. However, as a child this annoyed my mother for the same reasons you mentioned (the usual "selfish / self-centered" descriptors came into play), so I learned to locate her first, tell her I was home, and then do whatever I had planned to do. (She also criticized me generally for spending too much time in my room and not interacting with my family.)

When I left home, I fell into the more comfortable habit of not announcing myself. It also bothered my husband once I acquired one, but our house is on multiple levels and I don't like shouting "Hello." So a few minutes often pass while I put my things away, and then I will go to say hello, but often I don't stay where he is. If I think hard about why, it seems to me that I need to feel comfortable in the transition from one place to another before I really feel able to interact with someone else. Also, I really am often "in my own world" in my head, and being drawn out of that world for a moment when I enter the house is fairly jarring. Sometimes it takes me several minutes to return to the thoughts I had before coming home (and sometimes I have to leave again to get them back!).



Aharon
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23 Nov 2012, 9:55 am

I've spoken with several NT's about this recently, and was surprised how all of them, save my wife, said how hurt they were when someone they knew was "antisocial" with them. It would seem NT's have a mind blindness of their own; expecting forms of social expression and needs to be universal to all people.

In regard to this I think it's important to educate, understand, and compromise on both sides. I think when people realize there is a biological and cognitive reason for someone to be more distant, they have a lesser chance of taking it personally. On the flip side, we should seek to find a balance between being alone and spending time with others. That's why I love Facebook. I can have friends, share, and be involved, AND be in my room at the same time. I text a lot too.

Maybe when you come home, you could go to your room, but give a friendly hello via text.

Keep learning, everyone!


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23 Nov 2012, 10:22 am

I usually go straight to my room for an hour or so when I get home from work. If my roommates aren't in sight, I don't say anything. If I see them when I come through the door I'll say Hi.


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