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Destidude
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23 Nov 2012, 11:14 am

I notice that I distinctly compartmentalize my communication styles depending on context. When I'm at work, I tend to be logical, focused, aloof and annoyed by unexpected distractions and tangents. You could say I'm efficient but not very pleasant to be around. When I'm spending time with others outside of a work-context, I'm more easy-going, spontaneous and accessible. It seems to me that my NT coworkers are continually in social-mode, regardless of the context.

Does anyone else experience this?



Si_82
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23 Nov 2012, 1:01 pm

I think most do this to a degree just maybe more exaggerated for aspies.


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Destidude
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23 Nov 2012, 1:45 pm

Si_82 wrote:
I think most do this to a degree just maybe more exaggerated for aspies.


I agree that it happens to a degree for NTs but nevertheless they seem to do relatively well with casual chitchat. I feel particularly awkward with jokes are flying around a meeting room or faking smiles while passing others in the hallway. While I generally suck at and dislike small-talk in any context, I'm definitely worse at it during work. I wonder how many Aspies stay in work-mode even when in a social context.



Rubensteiner
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23 Nov 2012, 1:57 pm

I can really contextualize my conversation, but it will never fit correctly the environment.



Destidude
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23 Nov 2012, 3:15 pm

Rubensteiner wrote:
I can really contextualize my conversation, but it will never fit correctly the environment.


How would you say the conversation differs for you when you're in a work-context vs a social-context?



Rubensteiner
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24 Nov 2012, 1:24 am

When in work-context I will try to join only the conversation that fit my tasks. I can remember sometimes some coworker asking me for an advice and all ended in trouble because I talked what I really was thinking about the project.

So I stopped to express my opinion to coworkers in this way.

Nowadays I'm not having to much friend-conversation because I'm in a license from the college. In really I only was talking to 5 folks from my college, but the distance is turning off our communication.

I’m more communicative in work because I need to.



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24 Nov 2012, 11:11 am

I'm quite the same friendly, joking person at work and outside work, except at work I monitor very carefully everything I do and say, of course. I only start withdrawing into my work when I'm being ostracized by the co-workers.


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ravenloft68
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24 Nov 2012, 11:27 am

When I'm at work, my concentration goes to maximum. Many will tell me i seem to frown alot but i'm usually concentrating on the task for the day. I'll put on a more professional demeanor. No inappropriate jokes, especially in front of women, no cussing or rambling on about who won the football game. No talking about my personal life (especially anything related to my aspie condition). Its just too easy to get caught up in banter like that and get in trouble.
When I'm at home or out somewhere, I can unwind, re-charge and relax. I'm allot more casual and open.


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Destidude
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27 Nov 2012, 10:37 am

Rubensteiner: it seems a common occurrence for AS people to be too blunt about things. I'm curious what sort of (I assume negative) things you said about the project.

Moondust: since you're a "friendly, joking person at work and outside work" I gather you do reasonably well socially, unlike a lot of Aspies. What do you get ostracized for?

ravenloft68: sounds like you're similar to me in the work-vs-life dichotomy.



jacked
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27 Nov 2012, 5:52 pm

AT WORK
When I am at work I am very logical, control my situation and for lack of another way to put it I will run you over if you are in front of me and moving to slow. Once in a very long while I will come across a person who I love to work with (another aspie).
Oh did I mention I usually end up working by myself:)

SOCIAL OUTINGS
Lets say I go to a Restaurant/bar with co-workers. When we finish eating they move to the bar area to mingle. I'll stay a the table.
I have absolutely no idea what to do at a get together . I avoid them as much as possible they are the caster oil of life.

SOCIAL CONVERSATIONS
If they are about a topic I have interest in, I have learned to avoid mentioning anything. Everyone is usually wrong and if I start mentioning that they seem to get pissy. I tend to appreciate when I stand corrected, I do not like reaching a viewpoint incorrectly and appreciate more educated and substantiated knowledge that would contradict my point of view.

FRIENDS
I have one and he is an Asperger too. I see him once in a while.



Destidude
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28 Nov 2012, 12:15 pm

jacked wrote:
AT WORK
When I am at work I am very logical, control my situation and for lack of another way to put it I will run you over if you are in front of me and moving to slow. Once in a very long while I will come across a person who I love to work with (another aspie).
Oh did I mention I usually end up working by myself:)

SOCIAL OUTINGS
Lets say I go to a Restaurant/bar with co-workers. When we finish eating they move to the bar area to mingle. I'll stay a the table.
I have absolutely no idea what to do at a get together . I avoid them as much as possible they are the caster oil of life.


You sound a lot like me although with a couple differences. I don't mind working with others but I prefer to keep that limited since I find I'm far more productive on my own (regardless of how similar another may be). During work-related social outings, I actually do try to be social and engage in conversation if I am able to bridge a subject. Nevertheless, I suspect that others pick up on my peculiarities and perhaps share a he's-an-interesting-character moment.

jacked wrote:
SOCIAL CONVERSATIONS
If they are about a topic I have interest in, I have learned to avoid mentioning anything. Everyone is usually wrong and if I start mentioning that they seem to get pissy. I tend to appreciate when I stand corrected, I do not like reaching a viewpoint incorrectly and appreciate more educated and substantiated knowledge that would contradict my point of view.


lol, it's probably best not to tell people they're wrong although it may depend on the context. I know, in a work-context, I'm pretty blunt about things if I'm interested in the subject. On the other hand, in a social context, if someone tells me things that are suspect or clearly wrong, I usually play along and entertain his/her thoughts.



thewhitrbbit
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28 Nov 2012, 12:41 pm

5 o'clock line is the term for it.



Rubensteiner
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28 Nov 2012, 2:16 pm

Destidude wrote:
Rubensteiner: ... I'm curious what sort of (I assume negative) things you said about the project.


So I found grammar errors in the project's blueprints and I became totally annoyed seeing that that was an asymmetric prototype. I proposed a symmetric one.

The grammar don't needed to be corrected in that moment and the prototype was only a prototype.

What made people dislike my opinion was the how I said that, not what i said.

My english is not very good because I'm not a native speaker of this language. I'm saying this only because I did the point about grammar errors.



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28 Nov 2012, 10:12 pm

Destidude wrote:
Moondust: since you're a "friendly, joking person at work and outside work" I gather you do reasonably well socially, unlike a lot of Aspies. What do you get ostracized for?


NLD presents as very outgoing and sociable, but no less weird than AS, so the results are the same ostracism.


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Destidude
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28 Nov 2012, 10:20 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
5 o'clock line is the term for it.


PM or AM? :wink: