(Unhealthy?) Obsession with Fictional Characters

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Greetings, all. As the title suggests, I have quite a problem. For as long as I can remember, I've been more attracted to fictional characters than to real people. I think I had my first fictional crush when I was about 8 years old....but that isn't important. At the age of 20, nearly 21, I should be more able to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Consciously, of course, I recognize that the objects of my affection are not, and never will be real. Yet when I'm thinking of certain fictional people, I react much the same way I have for the few real people I've been attracted to, except stronger. I'm not just referring to anime characters, either; although some are rather nice looking, I tend to prefer characters from movies, video games, and books.

Aside from being an unnecessary distraction from more important, real things, I feel that this is emotionally dangerous as well. I've had a boyfriend (in real life) for about a year and a half, and we have been very happy together. He treats me better than most guys my age probably would, he's brilliant, funny, and hardworking, he's handsome, he even gets along very well with my family (and I with his), he's basically everything a young woman like myself could ask for. Except he isn't one of my fictional men. For the first year or so of our relationship, I tried to respect him by forcing myself not to think of anyone fictional. I wanted to experience a real, healthy relationship that could potentially be fulfilling. Every time I did think of someone fictional, I would guiltily shove the thought aside and focus on my boyfriend. Within the past few months, however, I've been slipping a lot. I've been thinking of some characters quite often and, what prompted me to write for help, I just spent almost two hours looking up pictures and video tributes of a character. The bottom line is, I think I am actually more attracted to any of my fictional objects of affection than my very real, very nice boyfriend. This, I feel, is a problem.

In my single days, I would spend hours looking for pictures (both fanart and canon pictures) of my favorite characters, as well as reading fanfiction and watching music video tributes that featured them. Many nights, I would fall asleep fantasizing about a fictional man. Although it was heartrending to have feelings akin to love for people I could truly never have (and still is), I worry about the effect this could have on my relationship. I worry about how my boyfriend would feel if he ever discovered my attachment to other men, and I'm not sure whether the fact these "other men" are fictional makes it better or worse. I would never physically cheat on my boyfriend. However, I worry that my obsession is a form of emotional cheating, even though none of them are real. In some ways, I might feel a bit better if I knew that he secretly lusted after/admired some fictional women, but he has never given an indication of doing so. He treats me like a goddess and says that I am the only woman for him, the most beautiful woman in the world, etc., and I'm afraid such statements from him are 100% literal. I tell him he is the most handsome man in the world, but what I really mean is the REAL world. Sadly, that isn't enough to turn me on at all. I get butterflies when looking at or reading about my fictional crushes, but kissing my boyfriend does nothing for me. Nor does doing anything else with him.

I can hypothesize about why I have such problems. For one, I've always been afraid of emotions, especially love. The thought of being emotionally close to anyone terrifies me. I enjoyed time with my boyfriend much more when we first met. Back then, he was an attractive, interesting guy I just met and happened to connect with very well. The closer we've become, however, the more I want to run away. I don't like it when he tells me how close to me he feels or when he says he loves me. Things like that make me very uncomfortable. I can't even tell my own family I love them. With fictional people, however, I never have to worry about closeness, because such a thing cannot exist. Having a fictional crush allows me to have the happiness associated with emotional closeness, without the fear. Another factor is the appeal of the unknown/unattainable. As long as I don't have something, I can let my imagination run wild about what it could be like. The reality of something can be a disappointment, and that can never be undone. Finally, there's the fact that fictional characters are meant to seem perfect. You never anything you're not supposed to regarding that character, and things that would be unattractive on a real person always seem to make a fictional man sexier: they suffer beautifully. Real people don't. The romance in real life can quickly wear off as you experience your partner's humanity and imperfection firsthand.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. I really needed to vent about this because it's been bothering me for awhile, and I can't really talk to anyone in real life (oh, the irony) about this. At least until I manage to get an appointment with the school therapist, but the next few weeks will be extraordinarily stressful with schoolwork. But I digress. Does anyone have advice? Empathy? Comments?

If you have any questions or comments that are not suitable for this forum, please feel free to send me a private message.

I'm in a long term relationship as well, and I sometimes get obsessive about fictional characters from animes and movies as well. But, it lasts me a good week or so for it to wear off. I don;t think it;s cheating since it's not real. I enjoy thinking about fictional characters and I sometimes wish I could feel the spark they make me feel etc. But, I don't think just because there isn't a spark means you should end your relationship. You even say he is a great guy. Of course as time passes so will the spark, but you should try and see the positive in your relationship. If you don't like being too close then just see him a few times a week or even two weeks. Maybe you need just some time apart to gather your feelings. If in the end, you feel no love for him, then you should break up. But as long as you feel love, then I see no point in leaving.

To be honest, I'm not really sure whether passion or dedication is more important to me. Dedication, at least is not an issue. I am very dedicated to my boyfriend, but by now he's almost become like a family member. I am dedicated to him the way I am dedicated to my parents. I realize that dedication is very important in long-term relationships. At the same time, it feels like things are getting stale...almost too "adult-like", if you will. He's five years older than me, and his expectations and plans for life are not quite the same as mine. As someone who never dated in high school (he is my first boyfriend), I had always thought a relationship would be a lot more fun. This one was at first, but within a few months of us meeting he picked up a very demanding job and, though it was easy to forget about our age difference for awhile, it has become painfully clear with time. Though I've always been more mature in many ways than other people my age, there are certain differences in our mindsets. I've been hoping for the past several months that sooner or later I'll just "grow up" and learn to fully appreciate everything about him. He wants to settle down, but my life is just getting started. If we had met five or ten years later, or if we were the same age, things would have been perfect. I know that eventually I probably would want to settle down with someone like him: stable, reliable, loyal, and very much a family man. I just don't necessarily want that stability so young. I don't want to break up with him; it would utterly destroy him. I do love him, I'm just not sure if I'm in love. Or even if I'm capable of maintaining the "in love" feeling for real people.

Also, as you pointed out, I don't even know whether or not I actually want a long-term significant other, and whether or not I could ever be truly comfortable with one. As I've said, getting too close to people makes me terribly uncomfortable. On the other hand, I don't think I ultimately want to be alone. I suppose the ideal situation would be to find someone who is dedicated to me, yet is willing to keep a safe distance away. Indefinitely.

There's also the fact that, quite frankly, most real people seem boring compared to fictional characters. Obviously, no one in the real world can have mysterious powers or be a fairy/elf/alien/god/dragon rider/etc., but even in terms of personality, fictional people are far more complex and interesting. And much more attractive, if only because they're supposed to be. Real people are just...mundane, and most, if not all, fail to catch and/or keep my interest.