I've been really good socially - so no Asperger's?

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I am on a waiting list for an assessment for Asperger's syndrome (which will be HFA by the time it's my turn). I was placed on the list after a screening, which I did because I have recurrent problems in my life. Someone suggested I could have Asperger's so i looked it up and recognized quite a lot. (won't go in to what I recognized in this post)
I am hoping that if I get this diagnosis I'd get some support so I can get a job and keep it. But I am still in doubt - not even sure I want to go ahead with this assessment. And there are many things which make me think I can not have Asperger's.

Last week I went to a writing group, and there I did so well socially that I am now having even more doubts.
There were 6 people when I arrived, but more came and eventually there were 21.
At first I did not say much and I did not join in with the conversations, and I got confused when someone asked me a question.
Also I tried to say things but no one reacted - this happens a lot to me; I don't know why.
But after half an hour it went much better.
Because there were so many people they formed small groups, and first I chatted with a woman and her teenage son, then with a man, after that with two women and after that with one other woman, and it all went very well.
In short, I was being very socially adequate.

I do not think I am unempathic either.
I cry at films and even at some adverts, and I want to and try to help people who are being treated badly or who are suffering, and I'm vegan because I do not want animals to suffer either.

I am not bad at reading body language, but I don't know if that is because I am just not bad at it or because I actually kind of studied it out of interest. I'm also good at interpreting facial expressions, except when I am talking to a person because I do not like making eye contact so I cannot see their face well enough.

So would these things exclude the possibility of having Asperger's? If so, I may not go ahead with that assessment. I am not at all looking forward to it.

It's difficult to respond to this since you haven't said what your issues are. But I was friends with someone diagnosed with autism who would blubber over films and was a vegetarian (last time I saw him he was eating KFC :p). Have you taken any online tests?

I can be chatty, and empathetic.

Those things don't rule out autism, and the lack of them doesn't confirm it.

Everyone's different. For me, it's how I connected with people. My problem is that I recognized people and socialized, but made no deeper connections because I really didn't know how to navigate a social situation at all. I was just slipping through by saying phrases people like.

In fact, if you chatted with people (and talked and talked and talked) and didn't modulate the conversation, well that's a clue to Asperger's right there. But, you probably couldn't tell if you did it or not - and some people don't mind if you just talk.

It was my lack of a DEEPER connection which led to all the events up to my diagnosis. Self-diagnosis is helpful, but not accurate all the time. If you're really wondering, you might just have it done. It doesn't hurt (physically) so I can't understand why you would be dreading it.

If you have no problem with socializing or body language, could it be that you are simply very introverted? Remember that "introverted" does not mean "shy" or "anxious"; it just means someone who is easily overstimulated, seeks out a small number of deep friendships, prefers quiet pursuits, and thinks deeply rather than just "skimming the surface" for the essential facts.

However, if you are having real problems in your daily life, you probably still need an evaluation. It may not be autism--you may have some other problem, such as sensory processing disorder. Someone who knows autism is probably qualified to tell the difference between that and similar conditions.

I don't dread the assessment, but I don't look forward to it either. I will have to travel to another town, which will take me an hour each way, and then I have heard the assessment takes two days, so that is two days that I cannot do what I should be doing.
I don't know what they are going to do either. Questionnaires, and talking and all that I suppose.

If I do not get this diagnosis my doctor may think that I am a hypochondriac and never take me serious again - and it's already hard enough talking to the doctor if something is wrong.

I've been in therapy several times, and that was all pretty horrible, so I do not have a great impression of therapists/psychologists and all those. Eight years ago I vowed that I would never get into any kind of mental health care again, and certainly never to a therapist. Now this is not exactly therapy, but it's similar.

Ohhh, I can remember the therapists...one of them was especially bad: he displayed all the good listening techniques I had also learned about in my course (to be a childcarer).
He would lean over towards me a little, which I did not like much, and then he tried to make almost constant eye contact, which freaked me out. I can NOT talk about personal; stuff -or about most things- if a person keep looking at me intensily.
So I'd look away, but whenever I turned back there they were again, gazing at me with his wide creepy eyes.
He also said 'hmmmm' every time I said something, which I know is meant to make you feel as if you are being listened to, but which to me sounded as if he was actually thinking about tonight's dinner but didn't want me to know that. Plus, I have a passionate dislike for the sound 'hmmmm' as made by humans.
And then the questions. They were so vague that I didn't even know what he was asking, let alone how to reply.

Hell, I hated it!

Wow, that sounds downright annoying! They must have mistaken you for a two-year-old or something.

Like I said, if you have real problems, you do need an assessment, though it may be something other than AS--make sure you mention that possibility to the doctor, so that a proper differential diagnosis is done. You're not a hypochondriac if you know there's a problem and it turns out to be a problem that wasn't the one you expected.

My main problem is with work - and previously with studying. I did well in school but not at university and I dropped out. I do think that the main reason for my problems with studying were poor social skills.

I am certainly introverted, and not shy. I am fairly anxious though, about all sorts of things. However, I am able to rationalize most fears away.

The sensory things are one reason I thought of Asperger's.
A while ago I went to martial arts classes, and we learned about pressure points on the human body. The other people in the group would shriek and writhe in pain (or, as I thought, they were being melodramatic wimps ) but I did not feel any pain when my pressure points were prodded. A slight discomfort in two of them, but in the others I only felt the pressure that the teacher applied - no pain. So once home I checked it out in many different ways and it seems that I feel far less pain than most people. I'm not being brave and bear it, I just do not feel it.

I also have problems with hearing - I have good hearing, but can't always make out what people say. I use subtitles when I watch tv.

And I only like to wear soft loose clothing - never wool or other itchy things, and no tags. In secondary school I was the only student who never wore jeans (fabric was too hard and stiff!)

When I was little I was definitely not ordinary, and I probably would have been diagnosed with some for of autism if I'd been born in this era. Fortunately I have stopped biting people a long time ago!

But now I seem quite normal.

Other therapist: this one was terrible too.

I was 22 then. This woman had a daughter who was my age, and she kept telling me how great her daughter was. How well daughter did in school, and how nicely she dressed. I was sat there in my usual soft, baggy clothes, with a few holes in my sleeve where I'd been chewing it. I did not use makeup either (still don't, why should I?) and I was wearing sensible sturdy boots. To me, the main purpose of clothes was to keep me warm and comfortable.
The therapist said that I'd feel better if I dresses nicer. I was such a pretty girl; I should wear a nice short skirt and a pair of heels - just like her daughter.

Of course I thought that would only lead to me breaking my ankles, getting cold and attracting lots of attention of unpleasant males...

I think that particular therapist probably needed counselling herself...

Sensory integration issues, certainly. That's a known problem with autism, and can also be a problem just by itself.

And shame on that doctor for trying to tell you how to dress! If you like your comfortable clothing, then you wear it. It's what I do, and it's made my life a hundred times better just by itself. If I wore heels, I'd fall over and my feet would hurt and it would just be a bad idea.

Poor study skills--Have you been evaluated for ADHD? The non-hyperactive sort is often missed in girls, and sometimes if a person has good self-control the fidgeting will die down quickly enough that even the hyperactive sort can be missed. Learning disabilities are another reason you might have trouble; for example if you had mild dyslexia and it was missed, meaning you had to work harder to read than everyone else (I'm not saying this is the problem, because you didn't mention any problem with reading, but there are many specific learning disabilities that can cause problems of this sort). People with ADHD sometimes have social problems because their attention wanders during conversations--they get the social skills, but they have problems applying them.

Ah, well, I hope you get a competent doctor this time around! It does sound like something's holding you back. Whether it matches a specific diagnosis or not, hopefully you'll be able to define and address it.

Thanks. I have not been assessed for ADHD. But I am pretty sure that my father had that. He is in his seventies now, and he is very sweet, but he does drive people mad - including me!

I onsider asperger's an alternate thinking style rather than a disbility. We communicate equally well, just differently. We can also learn how to communicate with both groups much like non-aspergians can.

If you have strong obsessions that consume your thoughts often, you have it likely.

It def sounds like you have some symptoms.

Keep in mind it is a spectrum disorder, so no two people will present the same. It is possible that while you have AS, you may have gotten lucky and not been impacted socially.

The good news is that answering this question is what the assessment is for So don't stress -- just go, take the assessment, answer everything honestly. If you have Asperger's (or HFA), they'll let you know. If you don't, they'll let you know that too. You don't need to figure it out on your own.