Just very vulnerable about my abilities....

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CftxP
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 11 Nov 2012
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 81
Location: Near Houston, TX

05 Dec 2012, 3:26 am

Lately, I've been looking at all the artwork that I've made and wondered if that many people could really be that nice and compliment my "abilities" or if I'm just my own worst nightmare when it comes to being judgmental about my work. Lately, my reception of things around me and people's actions (though especially silence and inactions) has caused me to just fall into a strange type of depression that hasn't seemed to let up and now, it seems like it's all trying to manifest itself into artwork which is why I'm actually making new pieces again. However, I don't really know if I'm cut out for the art scene. I can't seem to find beauty in most of the works I've made despite the fact that others seem to tell me that they're even "awesome". I don't know if they're all seriously just that nice but I do know that depression might be negatively affecting my perception of self. I mean just yesterday, my mom seemed almost amazed at what I was drawing on my tablet and though it was meant as a compliment, I didn't take it as such since I tried to realize how good it was but what ended up happening was me thinking that it looked like crap.

Are my standards just too high?

Anyway, here's my portfolio (@ http://port.cftxp.net/photo) if you want to see the work I've made. I haven't updated it too much recently but I did add a few new pieces. Well, I only call it my portfolio even though it's a collection of almost all of the art that I've created.

Please give me your honest opinion on whether or not I'm just crazy and even more appreciated would be some tips. Thank you very much for caring enough to read and/or just reply! :)


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Diagnosed with PDD-NOS (and possible Asperger's) on October 30, 2012. Might not be ideal having so many labels (gay and Filipino as well) but I'm at least glad I can accept and embrace it.


Last edited by CftxP on 05 Dec 2012, 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ruckus
Deinonychus
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12 Dec 2012, 3:22 am

It's hard to give advice without knowing what you're hoping to achieve with your art. Do you just want to get to the point where you yourself can look at your work and be proud of it? Are you hoping to get better at realism? Abstraction? Your art style is very diverse right now so it's hard to pick any one thing to improve upon. Can you give some examples of artists you admire or work that inspires you?

The best advice I can give right now is to draw from life more, or photographs if drawing from life isn't possible. Set yourself a schedule and draw every day, and you will begin to improve.



AliceInAspieland
Sea Gull
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12 Dec 2012, 5:55 am

First of all I agree with what ruckus said. Try and draw as much as you can. Or if you're into another medium then practice that as much as you can.

I feel the exact way you do. How are you supposed to know when someone is being genuine, when everyone tells you want they think you want to hear? I'd rather someone be honest and give me constructive criticism, than treat me like I can't handle the truth.

Is your art the most amazing thing I've ever seen? No. I think it needs some more work. But there is talent there, you need to develop it. Look at the art you like. Think about why you like it and try and emulate those things in your work.
In my opinion your strengths seem to be conceptual i.e. the meaning behind the artworks or abstraction. If these are things that you enjoy, I'd suggest investigating them and working at them some more. You also seem to work lead pencil and colour in well together. Perhaps you might like mix media?

I did like the drawing of the angel, clouded cracks (from a small distance it's effective) and the heartless monster.

My advice, keeping working away at it and the most important, have fun with it. Don't take it so seriously, just take a deep breath and go for it. There isn't any pressure to achieve perfection (what is that anyway?!). It's supposed to be enjoyable not torture or depressing.


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CftxP
Blue Jay
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Joined: 11 Nov 2012
Age: 25
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Location: Near Houston, TX

12 Dec 2012, 10:04 pm

Actually, I guess I have been trying to find what kind of art I'm good at. Really, at the time, I was deep in depression, one that somehow has lifted to a high degree. I guess I've just been so depressed lately and have started to doubt my ability to do anything right and for some reason, that made me need to have someone else's assurance to feel comfortable continuing on with this.

But thanks so much for your input and advice, I've actually been drawing every day, just that it happened to be reflective of the deep depression I've been in lately, which my therapist has at least given my some thought about how to handle. Around the time I wrote this, I was definitely out of hope until I did realize that I'm best at drawing photographs, when it comes to something realistic, and from my mind, when it comes to something abstract. So I guess what I'm saying is that I really don't have a specific philosophy of art that I can say is my preference and I do believe that it's going to take quite a bit of soul searching to find the specific field or even fields. Then there is the whole media factor, I do like using pens and pencils but it seems more efficient for me to use my tablet, now, for drawing, and so there's just more diversity, if you may say so, with how my art is created. I guess only time will tell how my career in art is going to work out, I'm already mixed up with how I'll mix law/political science and art in the first place. :x

P.S. Thanks Ruckus, I think I really did need to realize that to make my art, I do need a specific motif first. And Alice, it means a lot to me, really, that you do see talent in my art. And I do promise to develop it, I'm going back to school this January anyway and thanks to you, I think I feel a bit more confident in myself and about having a drive for art again. :)

Though honestly, a lot of this art is what I made last year, only the two most recent pictures are actually representative of what I've been doing and there are quite a few pieces that I've created in-between.


_________________
Diagnosed with PDD-NOS (and possible Asperger's) on October 30, 2012. Might not be ideal having so many labels (gay and Filipino as well) but I'm at least glad I can accept and embrace it.