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Summer_Twilight
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29 Dec 2012, 7:25 pm

Yes I sure do. I usually come on wrong planet to see how I can relate to people and what not and I admit that I don't always get answers that I want. Sometimes I feel like some of the responders to my threads say things that are quite antagonizing.

Does anyone else ever notice that?



Paretozen
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29 Dec 2012, 9:34 pm

Not since my, Bless her, grandma gave me a very wise life lesson. Always assume others have good intentions, especially when you don't know them.

I don't always succeed in achieving this mind set, but the glimpses I had where very worthwhile to pursue.



Fnord
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29 Dec 2012, 9:42 pm

Sometimes, a truthful opinion, delivered with the utmost concern and sincerity, is more painful to receive and contemplate than an off-hand insult, and is certainly more painful than a pleasant lie.


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League_Girl
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29 Dec 2012, 10:21 pm

The shocking responses I have only gotten were people getting offended with what I write or thinking I am trolling or when my threads turn into a drama or people getting disgusted with what I write. So that is why I seldom post threads. When my threads get very few responses, at least it didn't turn into a drama and at last i didn't get any angry responses so silence is better.

Sometimes I learn that saying certain things is controversial so I better keep my mouth shut or people may jump down my throat getting all upset and it may turn into a drama.


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jk1
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30 Dec 2012, 1:47 am

I haven't posted that much since I joined (though more than 100) and I have tried to be careful not to say something that could be misunderstood as offensive. So, I cannot recall getting a shocking response yet.

I think unexpected responses come often when there is a misunderstanding. I have caught other people doing that before. Someone responded in a well-intended joking way (and I did interpret it that way) to someone else's post, but the respondee took it as ill-intended and responded back angrily. The original responder apologized and explained that it was well-intended.

So, I think if you don't want a shocking response, you had better stick to straight forward, clear expressions to avoid misunderstanding. I find the majority of people here reasonable and easy to communicate with.



Ilka
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30 Dec 2012, 7:32 am

I get shocking responses from my Aspie husband and child like all the time. Aspies are known for speaking their minds and not caring about social conventions, so I think it is kind of expected. When you post something you should not expect people will say what you want to hear: 1) because they do not know what you want to hear; 2) because they are not you, so they have their own mind-sets and ideas. Maybe if you stop expecting things from people you will feel less shocked.



Summer_Twilight
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30 Dec 2012, 11:01 am

I have noticed that if I do not write a clear posting that others will assume something else.

I sometimes get odd responses from a close friend who is working so hard on herself. She is working on not bad mouthing other people and gives things the benefit of the doubt now when I get upset. I don't always like what she says either. You're right, the truth hurts to some extent on some of her statements. I too am working on that area myself and while it hurts when you are upset, I find that I feel better when I start finding other reasons for other people's actions.



Fnord
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30 Dec 2012, 11:49 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I have noticed that if I do not write a clear posting that others will assume something else.

That's true for everybody. Communication requires both attention to detail and clarity of the message. Without these, you're righting makes no cents. ;)

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I sometimes get odd responses from a close friend who is working so hard on herself. She is working on not bad mouthing other people and gives things the benefit of the doubt now when I get upset. I don't always like what she says either. You're right, the truth hurts to some extent on some of her statements. I too am working on that area myself and while it hurts when you are upset, I find that I feel better when I start finding other reasons for other people's actions.

A wise person once said, "Never attribute to malice that which can be dismissed as a lack of understanding", or some such homily.

Another one once said, "Never ask for an opinion from an honest person unless you are prepared to deal with an honest answer". If you ask for my honest opinion, you will get my honest opinion, and it will be up to you to deal with it.


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“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the
purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”

— Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek
episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


VAGraduateStudent
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02 Jan 2013, 4:34 pm

I've noticed that in questions I'm asking for my research and I've come to a startling conclusion: there are very few generalizations that can be made about anything.

Which drives me toward another starling conclusion: there is less "autism" in autistic people than I think we all think. If that makes sense. I think NTs, LFAs, HFAs, and ASs all have way more in common than it appears. And I'm not saying that as a let's-all-get-along kind of thing. I think I can back that up with some scientific studies if I had enough participants.



ASDsmom
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05 Jan 2013, 1:36 pm

Paretozen wrote:
"Always assume others have good intentions, especially when you don't know them."


:idea: Love this quote and so very true!



Alien_Papa
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12 Jan 2013, 12:37 am

At WP, no.

I rarely say anything, and when I do, I have always been very shy about reading any responses so I consciously avoided those threads.

Eventually I discovered the "view your posts" link and eventually I clicked on it. I was surprised that almost all of the responses were sympathetic or positive. I appreciate that.