Page 1 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

MELODY-S
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2008
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 47

31 Dec 2012, 8:13 pm

I'm an Aspie and so is my son, so we struggle sometimes with communication. My son is recently out on his own to go to college and he is asserting his independence. I understand that, but he is doing something that is driving my crazy and I could use some advice.

He is growing his hair long and does not shave regularly. I'm OK with that except that he is not taking care of his hair and it looks like a rat's nest. Most recently when I saw him this weekend I realized that something was very wrong with this hair. He had let his cat chew on his hair and there is now a large portion on the side/back that is chewed off. It has gone beyond normal scruffy to being completely ridiculous.

He absolutely refuses to get a haircut to even it out. I took him to the store and we bought him some hair products, which he did not object to. I am not sure if he will use it, but it is something.

I have been obsessing about his unkempt hair for a while now. He is pushing back. In the grand scheme of this this isn't huge, but it does not help him get along in the world. I went through my own scruffy phase before I learned socially acceptable grooming so I do understand - sort of.

Any suggestions about how to deal with this?



emimeni
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,065
Location: In my bed, on my laptop

01 Jan 2013, 1:32 am

What helped you get out of your scruffy stage?


_________________
Living with one neurodevelopmental disability which has earned me a few diagnosis'


Jinks
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 333

03 Jan 2013, 8:38 am

Maybe this isn't helpful, but I just wanted to suggest you try to find out exactly the reason he is refusing haircuts, because it may not be the hair itself which is the issue.

Personally, I find professionally done haircuts extremely stressful experiences for several reasons. Firstly, hair salons are usually very clean and open places staffed by well-groomed people which is an uncomfortable environment for someone who has trouble with grooming and looks scruffy. Secondly, the person cutting your hair usually wants to talk constantly at you. It is difficult and stressful for someone with autism to carry a long conversation. And thirdly, they are waving scissors around your head while they are doing it, which is an intimate thing to allow someone to do, and autistic people frequently have problems with trust, touch and intimacy. I learned to cut my own hair because I couldn't handle these things.

I can't say if your son has the same problems I do, but I wanted to suggest that you offer to cut his hair yourself in your home. It might help that it is someone he trusts in a familiar environment (and by the sound of things, even if you don't know anything about cutting hair, you would be able to improve on the current situation).



Lockheart
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 341
Location: Australia

03 Jan 2013, 9:08 am

Jinks makes some excellent points. I dislike going to get my haircut for much those same reasons. I went because I am obsessive about being neat and hygienic, but it was about on par with going to the dentist. I've recently started cutting my own hair.



chris5000
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,599
Location: united states

03 Jan 2013, 3:20 pm

I really hate getting my haircut but fortunately I have gone to the same hairdresser and get the same haircut for the last 10 years.



dabeshu
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2011
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 78

03 Jan 2013, 4:25 pm

Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.



Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

03 Jan 2013, 4:59 pm

Maybe you could cut his hair for him? May not turn out pretty, but I'm sure it would be an improvement ;).



CocoNuts
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2011
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 171

03 Jan 2013, 5:10 pm

Jinks wrote:
Personally, I find professionally done haircuts extremely stressful experiences for several reasons. Firstly, hair salons are usually very clean and open places staffed by well-groomed people which is an uncomfortable environment for someone who has trouble with grooming and looks scruffy. Secondly, the person cutting your hair usually wants to talk constantly at you. It is difficult and stressful for someone with autism to carry a long conversation. And thirdly, they are waving scissors around your head while they are doing it, which is an intimate thing to allow someone to do, and autistic people frequently have problems with trust, touch and intimacy. I learned to cut my own hair because I couldn't handle these things.

This. I get horrible chills down my spine and I can get somewhat paralyzed when someone is holding scissors close to my neck.
He probably needs a good reason to start caring about how his head looks. The only thing that made it worth it for me to have somewhat decent hair was getting a boyfriend.


_________________
Doubtful


Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,630
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D

03 Jan 2013, 7:01 pm

dabeshu wrote:
Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.


Except stab you with the scissors, which is what I still would do if anyone forced me to get a haircut.
I get them, but they're my choice.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


trollcatman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,919

03 Jan 2013, 11:48 pm

dabeshu wrote:
Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.


Are you serious?



rapidroy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,411
Location: Ontario Canada

04 Jan 2013, 12:06 am

I go once a year, I love long hair and I like the natural frayed look to be honest, fits in with my old t-shirts and hat I like not that I care much about looks. I dislike the hairdresser as well, the smock chokes my neck and I hate the feeling sicssors around my ears, afraid they will cut them off, so I grow the sides aswell as the back now. I have had the same hairdressor or all my life and she is a personal friend of the family. I don't like spending the money either so Dad normally pays, funny how he doesn't want me to look like his HS yearbook photo.



hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,301

04 Jan 2013, 12:23 am

dabeshu wrote:
Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.


He could fight back and/or get them arrested. This is an adult, not a child.



MakaylaTheAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 14,529
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)

04 Jan 2013, 12:32 am

hanyo wrote:
dabeshu wrote:
Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.


He could fight back and/or get them arrested. This is an adult, not a child.


That aside, there's an underlying reason why he refuses to get a haircut. The solution isn't as simple as forcing him to get a haircut.


_________________
When in doubt, ask someone with ASD. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know. :roll:


izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

04 Jan 2013, 5:38 am

i dont like getting haircuts either; i postpone them untill it is the lesser of two evils, compared to the sensory issues of having my hair too long (i grow a mullet naturally; and it gets in between my clothes when too long; just as my front hair curls up into my nose).
to facilitate this; once i go to the hairdresser, i let it get cut a tad too short, to maximise the time untill it's needed again.

this also results in e not washing my hair all that often; i have very thick hair, so keeping it out of my face uses too much gel if it's clean, but slightly greasy hair stays in model by itself.



hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,301

04 Jan 2013, 5:44 am

I don't ever get my hair cut except maybe a slight trimming once a year at most, usually less. I like long hair and do not want any of mine cut off. I want it to be as long as possible.



Kairi96
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 426

04 Jan 2013, 6:40 am

I highly dislike having my hair cut. I would never cut my hair, is my mother wouldn't bring me to the hairdresser. I hate hairdressers because they costantly tell me to remain seated and to stop moving, and I can't do those things. This is why I hate haircuts.


_________________
Please write in a simple English; I'm Italian, so I might misunderstand the sense of your sentence.
You can talk me in Spanish and Italian, too.