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How much self-esteem do you have?
Too low self-esteem; 43%  43%  [ 51 ]
Low self-sesteem, but not too much; 25%  25%  [ 29 ]
On avarage; 9%  9%  [ 11 ]
High self-esteem; 9%  9%  [ 11 ]
Too high self-esteem; 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
Depends/other; 11%  11%  [ 13 ]
Total votes : 118

Kairi96
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01 Jan 2013, 1:25 pm

I see a lot of people saying that people with Asperger's ALWAYS have low self-esteem. I don' think so. I think it depends on the personality, since low self-esteem isn't a necessary trait for an AS diagnosis.
I put "depends" in the pool because my self-esteem is odd. It can be low or high, depending on my mood. There are days in which my self-esteem is low, but never too low, and others in which it's high, even too high, and people may even say I'm arrogant. So I think that, on avarage, my self-esteem is not low: I do know I have good qualities, I know I am very good in some things, and I see no point in saying I'm not good at something when I'm actually good at that thing.
So, is low self-esteem AS-related, or it just depends on someone's mood, just like for NTs?


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Foxxtale
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01 Jan 2013, 1:32 pm

I have generally fairly low self esteem and require outside encouragement/reassurance on a fairly frequent basis, or else I begin to second guess everything I do. It has become quite crippling on occasion, but for the most part, it is alright.


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AgentPalpatine
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01 Jan 2013, 1:34 pm

The social exclusion of those with AS alone makes any comparison of self-esteem to some sort of baseline pointless.


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Wobbuffet
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01 Jan 2013, 2:17 pm

Foxxtale wrote:
I have generally fairly low self esteem and require outside encouragement/reassurance on a fairly frequent basis, or else I begin to second guess everything I do. It has become quite crippling on occasion, but for the most part, it is alright.

I'm the same (except you put it better than I could)...I doubt almost everything I do, because I'm convinced it's wrong somehow.



invisiblesilent
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01 Jan 2013, 3:12 pm

I have very poor self esteem. Throughout life I often tried to accomplish things and ran into difficulties which caused me to be unable to continue. For example I was going to university full time and at the same time working in a call centre near full-time. At the time I didn't know I had autism and so I had no idea WHY having my time filled with so much social stuff and so many uncontrollable stimuli would cause me to become crazy anxious and meltdown. I'd miss work or lectures all the time. As a result of all of this I dropped out of university. So because of things like that happening I spent many many years both telling myself and being told by other people all sorts of negative crap - that I was "lazy", "a p***y", "work-shy", "useless" - you get the idea. I had NO idea what the causes of all the difficulties I was having in life were and so they were all blamed on me by myself and others. That was really bad for my self esteem and I've grown up feeling as if there is something terribly wrong with me. It's a horrible feeling, I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.

I was diagnosed literally less than a month ago so I am a small part of the way through the process of accepting things from the past - university courses, jobs and relationships squandered because I couldn't cope with life properly because I didn't have the knowledge to come up with effective ways of mitigating my problems. The precise stage I am at is cursing the fact I have AS. I wouldn't be "cured" even if that was possible and even if you gave me a billion pounds because that would essentially terminate MY existence - AS is so intertwined with my personality that I don't think you could unravel the two. But it's annoying that I have tried SO SO hard, put all of my being into trying to achieve things I wanted to and SHOULD be capable of achieving but then, at the time for an unknown reason (now ofc I know it was AS) I could just never cope with life and would end up constantly having meltdowns or deep depressions. I'm not using AS as an excuse - I KNOW I put my all into succeeding so I don't feel the need for excuses. I do feel bitter, deeply regretful and a certain amount of self-loathing because of it. Like I said it's less than a month since I got diagnosed definitively so I guess I am still figuring out what it all means to me. Maybe once I have TOTALLY accepted the fact that I am autistic and that it is never going away then my self-esteem might improve a little.I really hope so because atm it is at an all-time low. Just to be clear - my opinion is that there is nothing wrong with having autism as such - it just is if you see what I mean. It's still a huge thing to take in though,



btbnnyr
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01 Jan 2013, 3:21 pm

I don't have low self-esteem. I don't think about others think, and others affect me little. I don't listen much to others or seek reassurance from others.



Sweetleaf
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01 Jan 2013, 3:42 pm

For a long time as a child I pretty much got made fun of for everything I did, even if it was something positive. As a result I have a very hard time really acknowledging any skills I have or might have or any positive traits. I mean I guess so many incidents of trying to learn a skill or even something not to terribly important but intresting only to be made fun of and laughed at.....not many people bothered to help they preferred to just laugh at me for not doing it right or making mistakes even in band class. I thought playing precussion would be fun but I didn't learn anything due to that going on not to mention anxiety I already has because of past experiences I would be so worried about making mistakes I would hardly play the songs much of the time. I stayed in it throughout middle school and highschool though just to prove to myself I wasn't giving up because of other people in the end I wish I had just quit while I was ahead so I didn't have to look back on that hell.

But yeah I basically feel like if I even attempt anything I will fail, and even if I don't fail I will be treated like a failure and not taken seriously by anyone at all. I know its not necessarily true but that's what I learned as a child so unlearning it is the issue since its harder to learn and unlearn things as an adult than as a child.

The way I describe my self esteem is, I don't even have a foundation for any self esteem let alone solid enough ground to build one on as that is the best way I can explain how it feels.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 01 Jan 2013, 3:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Kairi96
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01 Jan 2013, 3:44 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I don't have low self-esteem. I don't think about others think, and others affect me little. I don't listen much to others or seek reassurance from others.

Pretty much the same here.


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emimeni
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01 Jan 2013, 5:15 pm

My self-esteem is getting better. I'm still, after all, recovering from adolescence. I can honestly say that I love myself.


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Vintagegirl
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02 Jan 2013, 4:02 pm

I have a very low self esteem, but I try to like myself.



MakaylaTheAspie
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02 Jan 2013, 4:08 pm

I'm just content. My self esteem isn't low, but it's not exactly high, either...


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compiledkernel
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02 Jan 2013, 5:25 pm

In the general scheme of things I have a very low self esteem, but I also additionally possess a low self worth.

The only positive thing I can derive out of this, is the fact that I have a tremendously huge Robin Hood complex, in that I greatly dislike seeing the downtrodden and the weaker get taken advantage of.


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MudandStars
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02 Jan 2013, 6:30 pm

I think I've been doing pretty well with this - it's amazing the difference a few supportive friends can make.


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auntblabby
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02 Jan 2013, 7:47 pm

all of my life my self esteem used to be in the basement. but since i've been with my local square pegs aspie meetup group it is now on the ground floor and climbing the stairs. :)



Logicalmom
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02 Jan 2013, 7:58 pm

Tthhppfftt - but I am working on it ... sllllooowwwwllllyyyyy .... :scratch:


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