When did you become interested in dating?

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jjacmom
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04 Jan 2013, 1:29 pm

My ds(13) has shown no interest in dating. He says girls travel in packs and are full of drama. There have been a few girls who have been flirty with him but he could care less. I know 13 is young but I remember having crushes at that age. Ironically, if he was interested we probably wouldn't allow him to pursue it. Just wondering at what age we should expect an interest.



Stargazer43
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04 Jan 2013, 2:03 pm

I became "interested" at around 16, but I didn't actually go on my first date until 18.



jjacmom
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04 Jan 2013, 2:13 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
I became "interested" at around 16, but I didn't actually go on my first date until 18.

I think that's perfect, actually. Were you ever teased for being a 'late bloomer'?



answeraspergers
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04 Jan 2013, 2:14 pm

Why do people use ds for dear son? dont they deserve the extra 5 letters?

Making them an acronym is impersonal.

"He says girls travel in packs and are full of drama" - he is right!! lol



1000Knives
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04 Jan 2013, 2:51 pm

About 13.



FalsettoTesla
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04 Jan 2013, 3:09 pm

answeraspergers wrote:
Why do people use ds for dear son? dont they deserve the extra 5 letters?

Making them an acronym is impersonal.

"He says girls travel in packs and are full of drama" - he is right!! lol


I have often thought this. I've also thought, what if their son/husband/wife/daughter is not dear? Does it stand for dastardly daughter then? Because that would be cool.

In answer to the OP's question, when did I become interested in dating? About 17. When did I become interested in sex? About 18.

Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.



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04 Jan 2013, 3:28 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

good point.

jjacmom, i don't think it's unusual for him to have no interest in dating at this age. i would encourage him to bridge the gap and try to become friends with one or more girls if he hasn't already, though. if he sees them as particularly "different"/"other" at this age, it isn't going to get any easier for him to relate to them at an older age if/when he wants to date them. if he is just observing them from afar, he isn't really seeing what they are like as fellow relatable humans.

we see that quite a bit on the board - the treatment of women as a different a different and species, and it just doesn't work in the dating world. best that he gets comfortable around women/girls before it matters in a dating context (if he ends up preferring females at all).


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04 Jan 2013, 3:39 pm

Became interested in 7th or 8th grade but had zero luck until my senior year of high school. After that, everything snowballed, I had at least three girls interested in me, and one of them (a friend at my lunch table gang) invited me to her house about a month before graduation, where she then proceeded to seduce me and take my virginity. Man, if I went back in time and told my past self about all of the @#$% that went down after that, he'd tell me to go see a shrink. XD


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jjacmom
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04 Jan 2013, 3:54 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
answeraspergers wrote:
Why do people use ds for dear son? dont they deserve the extra 5 letters?

Making them an acronym is impersonal.

"He says girls travel in packs and are full of drama" - he is right!! lol


I have often thought this. I've also thought, what if their son/husband/wife/daughter is not dear? Does it stand for dastardly daughter then? Because that would be cool.

In answer to the OP's question, when did I become interested in dating? About 17. When did I become interested in sex? About 18.

Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

He doesn't show a romantic interest in either gender. Sorry for the 'ds'. It's just a habit.



jjacmom
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04 Jan 2013, 3:56 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

good point.

jjacmom, i don't think it's unusual for him to have no interest in dating at this age. i would encourage him to bridge the gap and try to become friends with one or more girls if he hasn't already, though. if he sees them as particularly "different"/"other" at this age, it isn't going to get any easier for him to relate to them at an older age if/when he wants to date them. if he is just observing them from afar, he isn't really seeing what they are like as fellow relatable humans.

we see that quite a bit on the board - the treatment of women as a different a different and species, and it just doesn't work in the dating world. best that he gets comfortable around women/girls before it matters in a dating context (if he ends up preferring females at all).


You'd think he'd be used to girls. He has 3 younger sisters but they can be pests. I think he's drawing from his experience with them.

BTW, my brother is gay and I love him & his partner dearly. I am in no way homophobic.



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04 Jan 2013, 4:26 pm

jjacmom wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

good point.

jjacmom, i don't think it's unusual for him to have no interest in dating at this age. i would encourage him to bridge the gap and try to become friends with one or more girls if he hasn't already, though. if he sees them as particularly "different"/"other" at this age, it isn't going to get any easier for him to relate to them at an older age if/when he wants to date them. if he is just observing them from afar, he isn't really seeing what they are like as fellow relatable humans.

we see that quite a bit on the board - the treatment of women as a different a different and species, and it just doesn't work in the dating world. best that he gets comfortable around women/girls before it matters in a dating context (if he ends up preferring females at all).


You'd think he'd be used to girls. He has 3 younger sisters but they can be pests. I think he's drawing from his experience with them.

BTW, my brother is gay and I love him & his partner dearly. I am in no way homophobic.


No one said you were being homophobic, well, I certainly wasn't. I was simply pointing out that heternormative attitudes can be harmful.

Also, consider that your son may be asexual.

But, for example, my friend is twenty-two and only just started to be interested in dating. So, there's not really a 'set age', and I wouldn't say that dating is anything to worry about, but as Hyperlexian said, viewing girls as people is certainly a point of consideration.

Maybe try to explain patriarchy to him, and the social expectations of girls to behave like the space between their ears is mysteriously vacant, although it rarely is.

Does he read? Maybe some books with less than sterotypically female protagonists will help him to develop a more rounded view of females? Or if he doesn't read much, there are some pretty good graphic novels, films, and tv-shows that could help achieve this as well. Also, a swathe of historical women if you know where to look.



jjacmom
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04 Jan 2013, 4:44 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
jjacmom wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

good point.

jjacmom, i don't think it's unusual for him to have no interest in dating at this age. i would encourage him to bridge the gap and try to become friends with one or more girls if he hasn't already, though. if he sees them as particularly "different"/"other" at this age, it isn't going to get any easier for him to relate to them at an older age if/when he wants to date them. if he is just observing them from afar, he isn't really seeing what they are like as fellow relatable humans.

we see that quite a bit on the board - the treatment of women as a different a different and species, and it just doesn't work in the dating world. best that he gets comfortable around women/girls before it matters in a dating context (if he ends up preferring females at all).


You'd think he'd be used to girls. He has 3 younger sisters but they can be pests. I think he's drawing from his experience with them.

BTW, my brother is gay and I love him & his partner dearly. I am in no way homophobic.


No one said you were being homophobic, well, I certainly wasn't. I was simply pointing out that heternormative attitudes can be harmful.

Also, consider that your son may be asexual.

But, for example, my friend is twenty-two and only just started to be interested in dating. So, there's not really a 'set age', and I wouldn't say that dating is anything to worry about, but as Hyperlexian said, viewing girls as people is certainly a point of consideration.

Maybe try to explain patriarchy to him, and the social expectations of girls to behave like the space between their ears is mysteriously vacant, although it rarely is.

Does he read? Maybe some books with less than sterotypically female protagonists will help him to develop a more rounded view of females? Or if he doesn't read much, there are some pretty good graphic novels, films, and tv-shows that could help achieve this as well. Also, a swathe of historical women if you know where to look.


Do you have any suggestions? Thanks so much for all your help.



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04 Jan 2013, 4:49 pm

Dating? Not sure. I remember when I wanted to put my penis in a girl.



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04 Jan 2013, 4:50 pm

jjacmom wrote:
My ds(13) has shown no interest in dating. He says girls travel in packs and are full of drama. There have been a few girls who have been flirty with him but he could care less. I know 13 is young but I remember having crushes at that age. Ironically, if he was interested we probably wouldn't allow him to pursue it. Just wondering at what age we should expect an interest.


He might not want to tell you about it.



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04 Jan 2013, 5:01 pm

jjacmom wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
Also, I know this is nit picking, but why are you assuming your son is heterosexual? I think we'd all be better all round if people stopped assuming straightness.

good point.

jjacmom, i don't think it's unusual for him to have no interest in dating at this age. i would encourage him to bridge the gap and try to become friends with one or more girls if he hasn't already, though. if he sees them as particularly "different"/"other" at this age, it isn't going to get any easier for him to relate to them at an older age if/when he wants to date them. if he is just observing them from afar, he isn't really seeing what they are like as fellow relatable humans.

we see that quite a bit on the board - the treatment of women as a different a different and species, and it just doesn't work in the dating world. best that he gets comfortable around women/girls before it matters in a dating context (if he ends up preferring females at all).


You'd think he'd be used to girls. He has 3 younger sisters but they can be pests. I think he's drawing from his experience with them.

BTW, my brother is gay and I love him & his partner dearly. I am in no way homophobic.

i thought my sisters were the enemy. having female friends from the peer group could be different, perhaps ones related to his interests (i.e. in summer classes and such). just an idea that could pave the way in future,

i don't think you're homophobic, but FalsettoTesla had a good point about how people engage their children in the topic of dating. it tends to be a heteronormative discussion. it's a good thing for all of us to keep in mind.


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04 Jan 2013, 5:28 pm

9 or 10 I suppose. That's when I started liking boys.

Actual dating? Never. I still don't really care for it. :lol: