When a best friend dies...

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mellisamouse
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04 Jan 2013, 9:26 pm

I don't know what to do, or not to do, or think or not to think.....

My friend passed away from liver failure, WAYYY too young and TOTALLY preventable....

I am MAD...... mad I didn't nag at them more about cutting back on drinking, or eating better, or excersizing...

I am SAD...... sad that one of the few people on the planet who loved me unconditionally as the person the met when I was 7, and still saw the real 7 year old in me all these years is gone....

One of the people who knows the real me is not here anymore, and all I can do is feel selfishly angry.

I want to stop crying, but there is no one here, like one of those friends just like him, to smarten me up.

Well, there will be a bunch tomorrow at the celebration of life, but then I will want to be strong for them.

I guess this is just a rant because I am beyond despair... thanks for listening.... :cry:



Stargazer43
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04 Jan 2013, 10:48 pm

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I went through a similar situation 2 years ago. Not just my best friend, but really the only true friend I have ever had, committed suicide and it was very difficult on me. But just know that in time it does get better. Just try and focus on the good times that you both had together, and know that your friend is in a better place.



mellisamouse
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05 Jan 2013, 12:57 am

Thank you. :cry:

It is amazing the empty hole...

I think because he was fine one day and then gone so fast it made it so scary and shocking.

I feel like part of my identity is gone when someone knows me so well.

I am sorry for your friend, I know it still stings years later, as I lost someone, not AS close, but still close and it brings a lump to think of her.

xo



noxnocturne
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05 Jan 2013, 12:59 am

I lost one of my best friends back in 2008, but I didn't find out about it until a few months later. It just about killed me when I heard the news. Even now I can't believe he's gone.



2wheels4ever
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05 Jan 2013, 1:21 am

I've been dealing with a similar thing since this past summer. Having come to learn that aspies have lots of acquaintances and very few friends, I can look back and see that this was one of those who really "got" me. Since I initially got the news through a mutual acquaintance to this day I kick myself that I didn't reach out often enough. Life now is like the sun rising 10 minutes later each day and setting 10 minutes earlier; the universe is still going on but something's just a little 'off', for lack of a better analogy. I suppose it could be called a major routine disruption


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SilkySifaka
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05 Jan 2013, 3:51 am

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I understand the anger. My friend died in 2011 from lung cancer, again completely preventable. I was so angry with him for being so stupid and smoking and I blamed him for dying,, and I blamed myself for not making him stop (even though it would probably have been too late by then, anyway). There are so many complicated emotions and it will take a long time to work through them all. Try not to be too hard on yourself about how you feel and ask for support if you need it.

I still think about my friend every day and I still talk to him too, as if he were here. I know that's not for everyone, but it helps me.



TornadoEvil
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05 Jan 2013, 5:25 pm

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't have anything personal to share. But my mother had her only friend from high school die of liver failure because she was previously anorexic. She has three boys and a relatively stable family now, and other friends.



mellisamouse
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06 Jan 2013, 9:11 am

Thanks all, the memorial was today, I just couldn't go....

Somehow I think that would make it more real.



kirayng
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06 Jan 2013, 1:01 pm

I'm sorry for your loss too, I understand not going to the memorial as well, I didn't go to my cousin's memorial today because I just can't believe she is gone, so young, so early, so suddenly.



mellisamouse
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06 Jan 2013, 6:20 pm

kirayng wrote:
I'm sorry for your loss too, I understand not going to the memorial as well, I didn't go to my cousin's memorial today because I just can't believe she is gone, so young, so early, so suddenly.

Awe, sooooo sorry! xo