how much suicide ideation is normal?

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I've been suffering from suicidal ideation since I was in second grade. Within the last couple of years, they've really intensified. I feel like a loser because I'm almost 30 and I don't have a job, a social life, I've never dated (I don't have a desire to, but I feel like I should), everyone treats me like a kid, and I can't even leave the house by myself because I don't know how to drive and public transit in my city is practically nonexistent. I have multiple advanced degrees and "book smarts" but I can't translate this into real world success. Each day feel stupid and pointless, and I think about committing suicide all the time. I wish I could buy a gun from Walmart or somewhere like that and just end it, but as I mentioned, I can't leave the house by myself. Despite all this thinking about killing myself, I don't, probably because I'm afraid that killing myself might hurt and it's unclear that being dead would be better than living because it's so unknown. I'm a "functioning depressive" and get up and do things, but I'm thinking about killing myself all the time. Is this normal?

I am monitoring this thread as I am in the same boat

Well, I'm 46 and have had suicidal ideation for very many years. For me, my diagnosis helped - it was a relief. But, I got to the point that I saw the thoughts as "just part of me". I used to feel guilty and worried, and then I figured they had some function to deal with stress. That being said, I don't think they should be taken lightly. That they have "intensified" for you is worrisome. Since you can't leave the house by yourself and you might not want whoever would accompany you to know, maybe it would help to get hold of an organization such as the samaritans:
http://www.samaritans.org/ .

Statistical answer. There is research on the rates or prevalence of suicidal ideation. Here are just a couple of the articles I found via scholar.google.com
"Prevalence of suicide ideation and suicide attempts in nine countries", Psychological Medicine (January, 1999), Volume 29, Issue 1, pages 9-17; http://journals.cambridge.org/action/di ... &aid=26013
"Incidence of suicide ideation and attempts in adults: the 13-year follow-up of a community sample in Baltimore, Maryland", Psychological Medicine (October 2001), Volume 31, Issue 07, pages 1181-1191; http://journals.cambridge.org/action/di ... &aid=86467

Clinical answer. It depends upon what you mean by "suicidal ideation". I am sure that most people think about committing suicide on at least one occasion during their lives. Do you often feel like you just want to die? Are you actively planning you death? Both may indicate depression, but the latter is of greater concern to mental health workers.

Personal answer. Over the past couple of years, I have tried to start dating again, but it isn’t working (for reasons that I will not go into here). In the process, I have read a lot of dating profiles. People often mention how they are happy with their lives, have a job they love, how they like to engage in various recreational activities (such as sports, travelling, etc.), and so on. I, by contrast, am tired all the time. I do not love my job. I tried being outgoing when I was younger and (to make a long story short) it did not work. These days, I only venture outside when I have to, such as to go to work or to buy groceries. I have an advanced degree, yet I struggle to maintain a basic level of functioning in this world. Some days, I just want to blow my f*****g brains out. C’est la vie.

Poetic answer. "The Way of the Samurai is found in death. Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. Every day, when one's body and mind are at peace, one should meditate upon being ripped apart by arrows, rifles, spears, and swords, being carried away by surging waves, being thrown into the midst of a great fire, being struck by lightning, being shaken to death by a great earthquake, falling from thousand-foot cliffs, dying of disease or committing seppuku at the death of one's master. And every day, without fail, one should consider himself as dead. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai." (Quoted in the film Ghost Dog: the Way of the Samurai, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165798/ ; originally from the book Hagakure.)

Well I'd say it's normal (as in a lot of people experience it) to have suicidal ideations at some point in your life. However if it has persisted that long and it causes distress in your life, that isn't normal or healthy. You sound like you need immediate help. I think if I were in your position where I was seriously considering purchasing a rifle to shoot myself, I'd probably go to A&E and tell them how at risk I am. They would send you somewhere where they would assess your risk and monitor you over a course of time, but it would at least keep you from doing anything to harm yourself.

No, its not really normal to want to kill yourself. Nor does it make any sense in my opinion unless you are terminally ill or injured and in unbearable physical pain with no realistic hope for improvement. Mental pain can get pretty rough I know but there is always chance of improvement.

Wouldn't it be better to focus on improving your life, even one small thing at first, then ending it ? There must be some small things you enjoy, or think worthwhile, even if the overall picture is unsatisfactory. Add it it, make your pile of good things slowly grow.

Discuss your feelings with your doctor. If you don't like your doctor then switch to another. They may be able to help.

You ask "How much suicide ideation is normal?". I have no idea. Thoughts of suicide drift into my mind probably a couple of times a week; sometimes a lot more. I'm not planning to commit suicide at the moment but I think it highly likely that is how I will die at some point in the future. Whether that is merely months or many years in the future I don't know. I've lived with depressive thoughts and suicide ideation for over thirty years now. Such thoughts have almost become a "normal" part of me.

I had my first brush of suicide when I was 4 going on 5. I had a couple of messy accidents and got shouted at by my mum both times. After the second time, I had fantasies of taking the sharpest knife in the kitchen, stabbing myself in the upper chest and being done with it. I felt the same night when I had the runs at the age of 8 in my sleep. My mum sat me on the toilet and shouted at me, than I had the same fantasy all over again. Might as well kill myself and get it over with. It didn't help when I started losing control in that department when I was in my Early 30s, due to nerve damage after many years of straining to go before going somewhere due to fear of ever having another accident and being shouted at, ever again. The memories came back to me and instead of killing myself I turned to God, became Pro-Life and started drinking energy drinks loaded with B vitamins that improve my mood.

I have sucidial feelings whenever i have to socialise.

I work in a NGO and its just 2 of us working there. I have continous batches and barely get time to interact with my other colleague
but during weekends we are free and some other teachers from other branches join us

But they keep talking with my colleague and i am ignored, as if dont exsist.

Whenever such incidents happen i go into a depression.

I feel life is not worth living when i have to be alone all the time, its just me and my son / hubby for company.
I dont have social life i cant attend office functions because i dont have friends in office,
They keep asking me why i dont smile, why i dont mingle
I dont have anyone to enjoy all the activities other ladies are doing
Ladies attend kitty parties, card games which all in non exsistent in my life

I just wander through malls alone, my phone barely rings, my relatives are eccentric

And all this makes me wonder about life and living
Atleast 3 times a week i think about suicide
I think about life after death
I think about gulping a bottle of pills
Or lay down at a railway track

normal is probably once a year or so as ive read that everyone universally regardless of culture thinks about it at least once in their life.

the other extreme is a person i know irl that was thinking of it for hours each day and couldn't stop- im not sure how long that went on. the thoughts were intrusive according to her description. she had to get treated for that and now is back to her old self. it really confused her family and we thank G_d we still have her here on earth

Absolutely not. Some people will say they want to kill themselves out of frustration, but as soon as they actually mean it, that's when it's not normal. Wanting to do it "all the time" is very bad, and I hope you talk to someone you really trust or a therapist about it.

I know how you feel--- I've gone through the process of being a little less depressed as you to being fully cheerful again, so don't give up. It CAN happen. It may take time, but when you reach the point when you can be happy almost all the time, THAT will be when you can say: "I'm glad I kept trying".

Wow, someone else from Atlanta! (Sorry, irrelevant, but I just noticed it.)

I've struggled with pretty intense suicidal ideation before. Like being afraid to get out of bed lest I find myself going and swallow tons of pills or slashing my arms. I've gone months and months feeling completely worthless and like the only reason I'm living is for other people. I still get that occasionally but now that I'm on lithium it's not so often... maybe a couple of times a month.

It is miserable, though.

I have talked with other people about it--both in real life and on the internet--and it seems that experiencing suicidal thoughts every now and then really isn't that unusual. People just don't go around talking about it so that can make it seem like it's really weird to ever think about doing yourself in. However, when it consumes much of your thinking that's when it gets scary and abnormal.