A slave to medication

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As I mentioned in another post, last spring I started Ritalin and I felt wonderful. Confident, smart, larger than life. I had a nice can-do attitude. I felt great. That's since worn off.

I was in a math class back then and I felt super good about myself when I was doing stuff right and it was sticking. One day, I forgot my morning dose and I felt like an idiot. I couldn't really do and understand the concepts that were being presented. I started to feel like a slave to my medication and that I'm going to have to be on it for life. Not a good feeling.

Anyone else feel that way?

yeah when i was like 10 or 11 or something my psychiatrist wanted me to take medication for attention problems; had my first "manic" episode that lasted 1.5-2 yrs as a side effect >.> i took ritalin, focalin, and adderall i think, all had that same messed up effect

i don't really think you're talking about something as extreme as mania but it did make me feel really awesome... then i started doing really stupid s**t and losing my sanity etc.

but i do understand what you say in general about feeling super dependent on medication or something. it pisses me off. i have to take certain medicines every day at certain times or else i won't sleep for days, or i'll fly into a suicidal whirlwind, among other things. dumb

There are a ton of self-deprecating things I can say and think regarding my life-long dependency on medication.

I hear you . . . I can't function without my medication either. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't like the fact that my natural state is a dysfunctional crying mess and I feel vulnerable because I know that I'm dependent. But on the other hand, I thank God that I've found meds that work. I'll probably be on them the rest of my life; but really, it's like being a diabetic taking insulin. Without meds I wouldn't be alive.

I feel like a slave to my Cymbalta. It's an SNRI given to people for depression, OCD, and fibromyalgia among other things. I used to take Effexor before that. What really sucks about it is that I started out years ago on Paxil for intrusive thoughts. I had no insurance, so I was on a pharmaceutical freebie program and after a year they yanked it out from under me. So they switched me to Effexor on another freebie program. Unfortunately, I moved to a state that didn't have a program I could get my meds for free and my pharma freebies ran out. I was a mess from the discontinuance syndrome. Eventually I got a disability and medical coverage. I didn't have intrusive thoughts anymore, but I had depression from not having the Effexor. They upped my dose when it stopped working and eventually switched me to Cymbalta. That only worked for 6 months and now I'm depressed all the time, but scared to death of the discontinuance syndrome happening again.

I just quit taking Vyvanse because it started making me feel prone to depression and it stopped doing anything that I noticed; in fact it's making me more fatigued now where-as before it hyped me up and made me focus better.

I was offended by my therapist who says I'm not all there without stimulants. My family recognizes that this is just a quirk of mine. I am typically spacey and I tend to absorb things.

Umm hate to be rude but doesn't Ritalin have a weird side effect like liver or kidney damage?

I feel like a slave to medication. I take Lexapro, Xanax and Risperidone for various things including OCD, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts/homicidal urges/suicidal urges/seeing things that aren't there, etc. I was an absolute wreck before I went on medication. I felt like I was just surviving rather than living. At first my medication felt like a godsend, because I was functioning at a fairly normal (for an autistic person) level within a couple of weeks. But over the years I have come to resent being dependent on medication. At the moment my family members (particularly my dad) are on a health kick, and I'm joining in. We are eating all-organic foods and taking vitamins. I really enjoy it. I just wish that I could completely clear my body of chemicals so that I could go totally holistic/organic. It feels like it's pointless to try to live a healthy lifestyle if I'm still putting chemicals into my body.

I'm taking since half of my life now L-thyrosine because of my thyroid. I'm totally dependend on it, but I don't care that much. But without this medication, I couldn't function at all.

I'm also taking testosterone and have to take it for the rest of my live. All 12 weeks one injection, that's a bit more anoying, because I have to go to the doctor every time, have to figure out what to do if I'm not there in this time and so on.

Then I'm also taking melatonin and agomelatonine since a view months every night, so that I can sleep. Sometimes I could also sleep without them, but at the moment this would be impossible.

I also try to get on lithium in the future, but I'll propably have an operation in february and my shrink first wants to try lithium with me afterwards.

I used to have that same feeling about being a slave. I started taking Ritalin at age 12 and took it until they pulled my prescription at age 18 due to abuse. From age 18 to 27 I was always on a medication whether it was one of the 20+ different pyschotropic meds I've been on or the massive amounts of cough medicine I was ingesting heavily for self-medication. Now I have 10 months of sobriety and do not take any pysch meds and I feel fine.

Yeah, I definitely can't really function right without my medication. I've been taking Risperdal, Zoloft, and Buspirone for almost a year now and without them I think I'd be more anxious and possibly start having suicidal/intrusive thoughts again.

Adderall <3 where would I be without it? Literally cannot leave the house without having taken it. IT gives me the push i need to accomplish simple tasks like getting out of bed and dressed. Doesn't help with focus for class, but it does get me to class which would undoubtedly be impossible without it. Maybe i should up my dosage?

I'm also on prozac which has been for about a month and a half. No changes yet. I want to get to a point where I won't need a stimulant and can only rely on an AD. I'm much more comfortable with that.

Yeah, I take a bunch of stuff. I have so many comorbids, and I have to take a med for each. I never wanted to be on meds, but I finally had to admit that I needed help or else I would kill myself or a bunch of other random people or maybe both, and would be one of those "loners" you hear about on the evening news where they say "well, yeah, the red flags were flying, but nobody actually thought he'd DO anything". So, I'm on Straterra for ADHD, Luvox for OCD, Haldol for Tourettes, Saphris for psychosis/paranoid schizophrenia, and Neurontin for a weird tendency I have to "freeze" when startled, I take it so I can drive, and I live in California so I have to be able to drive. I also take a sleeping pill since the rest of it leaves me "wired". I've neglected my health for so long because of mental illness/AS that I now have diabetes and high blood pressure, so I take meds for those too. I am totally a slave to medication and Big Pharma, but the alternative is a bunch of dead people, including me. I sometimes think of conspiracy theories that say that the people running things deliberately create messed up people so they are easier to control.