When you communicate emotionally does it come out wrong?

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compiledkernel
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07 Jan 2013, 9:53 pm

It does for me.

It doesnt matter how many times I say it in my head, over and over, but when I speak it emotionally, when it comes out of my mouth its wrong, it hurts someone or it has a negative impact, or because of another interpretation I screw it up, when communicating it back. And those I care about get hurt because of it. And I cant deal with how it makes me feel. It brings me way down, and I cant recover from it very well.

And people get hurt by it.

How does anyone deal with this?

I guess can I moderator move this to The Haven, I think it really belongs there over there.

Sorry. Not paying good attention. Im a little diverted at the moment.


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Murderface
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07 Jan 2013, 10:32 pm

compiledkernel wrote:
It does for me.

It doesnt matter how many times I say it in my head, over and over, but when I speak it emotionally, when it comes out of my mouth its wrong, it hurts someone or it has a negative impact, or because of another interpretation I screw it up, when communicating it back. And those I care about get hurt because of it. And I cant deal with how it makes me feel. It brings me way down, and I cant recover from it very well.

And people get hurt by it.

How does anyone deal with this?

I guess can I moderator move this to The Haven, I think it really belongs there over there.

Sorry. Not paying good attention. Im a little diverted at the moment.

All the time. Maybe ask them what did I say wrong?


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compiledkernel
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07 Jan 2013, 10:35 pm

Murderface wrote:
compiledkernel wrote:
It does for me.

It doesnt matter how many times I say it in my head, over and over, but when I speak it emotionally, when it comes out of my mouth its wrong, it hurts someone or it has a negative impact, or because of another interpretation I screw it up, when communicating it back. And those I care about get hurt because of it. And I cant deal with how it makes me feel. It brings me way down, and I cant recover from it very well.

And people get hurt by it.

How does anyone deal with this?

I guess can I moderator move this to The Haven, I think it really belongs there over there.

Sorry. Not paying good attention. Im a little diverted at the moment.

All the time. Maybe ask them what did I say wrong?


I know what I said wrong, Im finding it increasingly difficult to communicate it a way they understand.

And they were deeply hurt by what I said.

Which was not my intended desire.


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PMs are fine, but my answers are probably going to be weird.


johnny77
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07 Jan 2013, 10:37 pm

Problem is we speak a different language than most. try to respond with the same type of cliched terms that they try to use on you in similar circumstances.



compiledkernel
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07 Jan 2013, 10:41 pm

At the moment Im trying to get past how epically I screwed it up. And I mean epically as only in a way that I can possibly do it.

Thank you Johnny.


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PMs are fine, but my answers are probably going to be weird.


johnny77
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07 Jan 2013, 10:57 pm

I know hind sight 20-20 sigh.



Murderface
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07 Jan 2013, 11:42 pm

compiledkernel wrote:
Murderface wrote:
compiledkernel wrote:
It does for me.

It doesnt matter how many times I say it in my head, over and over, but when I speak it emotionally, when it comes out of my mouth its wrong, it hurts someone or it has a negative impact, or because of another interpretation I screw it up, when communicating it back. And those I care about get hurt because of it. And I cant deal with how it makes me feel. It brings me way down, and I cant recover from it very well.

And people get hurt by it.

How does anyone deal with this?

I guess can I moderator move this to The Haven, I think it really belongs there over there.

Sorry. Not paying good attention. Im a little diverted at the moment.

All the time. Maybe ask them what did I say wrong?


I know what I said wrong, Im finding it increasingly difficult to communicate it a way they understand.

And they were deeply hurt by what I said.

Which was not my intended desire.

Let them know you did not mean to hurt them. Let them know ahead of time it may come out wrong. If they care they should understand.


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compiledkernel
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07 Jan 2013, 11:44 pm

Murderface wrote:
compiledkernel wrote:
Murderface wrote:
compiledkernel wrote:
It does for me.

It doesnt matter how many times I say it in my head, over and over, but when I speak it emotionally, when it comes out of my mouth its wrong, it hurts someone or it has a negative impact, or because of another interpretation I screw it up, when communicating it back. And those I care about get hurt because of it. And I cant deal with how it makes me feel. It brings me way down, and I cant recover from it very well.

And people get hurt by it.

How does anyone deal with this?

I guess can I moderator move this to The Haven, I think it really belongs there over there.

Sorry. Not paying good attention. Im a little diverted at the moment.

All the time. Maybe ask them what did I say wrong?


I know what I said wrong, Im finding it increasingly difficult to communicate it a way they understand.

And they were deeply hurt by what I said.

Which was not my intended desire.

Let them know you did not mean to hurt them. Let them know ahead of time it may come out wrong. If they care they should understand.


I certainly agree with you.

And im trying to do that as best I can.


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A1: AS 299.80 A2: SPD features 301.20
GAF: 50 - 60 range.
PMs are fine, but my answers are probably going to be weird.


Magnanimous
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08 Jan 2013, 4:22 am

Every time something emotional gets out of me, it screws things up.
That is why I generally don't let emotions get out. Detrimental to my interests.
Still get out sometimes though. Still screw things up. Big-time. Nasty things.



Schneekugel
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08 Jan 2013, 4:52 am

I found some books about mediation and violent free communications really helping. So normally people expect you to be automatically understand why they are upset by anything, specially in situations when most NTs agree with each other. Its so normal for them thinking this and that way, that they never even analyzed in themself, so they are not able to explain to you why they feel in a special way, so you cannot understand it. Thats when this books helped me, because instead of telling: "Its so normal to be upset by this and that, that you dont need to explain why this is upsetting people." it explains it.

So I really had some issues with my mother in law, that are now much better. I am able to understand her and her way of thinking more, and I also learned to tell people things in a way, that makes them understand why I am thinking the way i am thinking.



binaryodes
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31 Jan 2014, 7:37 am

Yup - I just use cliches now. If I try and engage with people who are upset.... trying to comfort them etc I end up inciting problems. Best way is to ask "How can I help" "Im sorry" "That sounds really tough". Anything else and its going to sound hamfisted and club-tongued


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FallingDownMan
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31 Jan 2014, 10:21 am

Yup, taking wrong all the time. The worse part is most my attempts to correct my mistake only make the situation worse.



dianthus
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31 Jan 2014, 1:06 pm

Yes, OMG, yes. When I get emotional I just can't say anything right, and it really screws things up in a huge way. Other people don't even try to understand either, they just take whatever impression they have and run away with it, so there's nothing I can do to explain it better or fix things.



musician_enigma
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31 Jan 2014, 2:13 pm

I can totally relate. Constantly I deal with the "damned if I express, damned if I don't". More often than not I won't express any deep emotions in an attempt to avoid the "language barrier". Translating my thoughts before I express increases the strain on me, it's much easier not to but then misunderstandings/miscommunication occurs often. My stress increases tenfold as I scramble to clear misinterpretations, or have to explain what I actually meant. Even more annoying is when I realize too late or find out through a sudden change in dispositition towards me from their end. Now I'm painfully shuffling through events to find out what I said wrong.
Even worse is when I try to address the situation only to be even more confused by being told I did nothing wrong (but they're still acting weird/distant towards me), or I make the situatiom worse. Then finally, the height of my disgrace as I give up on trying to fix the situation, and completely distance myself as well, trying to forget my multiple f**k ups.
I never want to go through a situation similiar to this ever again. Logic substantially over trying to express my deeper emotions/feelings, it decreases the risk plus I can remain distant while fixing situations from where I am most effective. I can listen then use my perspective to show empathy where cold logic is unwelcomed. Emotions/feelings rarely acted upon though, and if that makes me even more mysterious, or unapproachable, or not someone to confide in, or a jerk, then so be it...



Ashariel
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31 Jan 2014, 2:17 pm

I can't communicate emotions at all. I can't tell someone I love them, or that they are important to me. I know I should, but it just feels so wrong, my whole body screams against doing it. :?



babybird
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31 Jan 2014, 2:30 pm

I don't know how to express emotions at all.


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