does anyone here try to do "small-talk"

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you know, that style of conversation which is a bit vague, anecdotal and laden with emotions and fast speech.

I think my professional life woul benefit hugely if I were able to at least be partially conversant.

Has anyone tried and succeeded? What are the rule to follow?

i recommend this book: "the fine art of small talk" by debra fine. it even has many lists off questions to keep the conversation going.

i learned to small talk after the age of 50.

thanks. it will be interesting to try this!

Yes I engage in a lot of small talk according to one guy that I know who is a super nerd. It evidently drives bonkers. Then again, we do not know each other that well either so, I guess small talk applies.

I did some research on small talk today and I must say that what I found was rather shocking. Why do I need to engage in meaningless conversations all the time?

"Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships" by psychiatrist Eric Berne is another book you might want to check out. Been a while since I read it, but it's really good.
cathylynn I'll check out that book too


Here's the book in .pdf for anyone that wants it:
http://files.myopera.com/eketab3/blog/T ... 1358248068

Last edited by Anomiel on 15 Jan 2013, 6:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

oh smalltalk is definitely not meaningless - it seems to facilitate a lot of bonding - its just that I do not understand how to do it. It seems to be colections of a lot of personal anecdotes and it seems that one has to chime in with a similar sort of anecdote. Thats as far s Ive worked out - then I get stuck.

I have realised that "how are you" is not really a question it is a greeting phrased like a question and you have to say "fine thanks" to acknowledge the greeting instead of actually telling someone in detail how you are actually feeling. I'm sure theres more examples - hopefully the recommended books might say so.

Depends on what I should talk about. If I should talk about something that is related to my interests, or even if I just should talk about myself, it's ok. If it shouldn't talk about one of those things, then it's not ok.

so if you write to someone the question, how are you? They do not respond, does that mean that they do not want to have contact? Should one then just give up in the first instance?

I think "small-talk" most commonly happens in face to face conversations rather than in written format. Not really sure of common etiquette is re written messages. Thugh my own views due to expereince are If someone doesn't respond within a couple of weeks I would suggest that they're not keen on contact. Its a better indication of the strength of friendship if they respond more quickly. Some people might not respond due to temporary circumstances - family matters, illness etc so those have to be ruled out.

Its my biggest problem right now, before when I was a alcoholic I could talk someones socks off, now it greatly causes me anxiety even trying to chit chat to someone about anything. The worst is when you get caught off gaurd with small talk, Like recently my waterpipes in my house froze and I had to talk to the plumber and I could tell he knew something was wrong with me because the conversation was going nowhere

I have a pretty hard time talking about things other than my interests for a significant length of time.

I have a hard time with small talk...sometimes I know what I should say, but the words don't come out...or sometimes I think what I am about to say isn't worth saying...and well, it's hard....

or just end up laughing at my own stupid joke, oh well, back to drifting into my own mind

I know a lot of people would probably like me better if I could master this art, but I'm not sure I want to. I think I would feel depressed, sort of like a "sell out", because I really find pure small-talk so stupid. I know it serves a purpose though so I'm not blaming you guys for trying.

What I do wish I could do is to laugh at things I don't find funny. A lot of people do this all the time and it seems to be even more important than small-talk I think. And a big part of small-talk as well. Usually I won't laugh even when I actually think something is funny and it is sort of a problem. People will think that you are rude or just really boring if you never laugh.

Small talk is the one thing I truly do not understand of the species. I observe it.. intently...day after day and I do not see how two allegedly intelligent people can just spend an hour or more talking about utterly irrelevant garbage. Most of it being crap about celebrities, the social life of famous people or the new ad on tv.

I cannot do it or imitate it. My brain simply does not even bother retaining such social network intensive information...its irrelevant to my life and existence. Yet.. somehow... it becomes a social grease for others.

Really, truly ..weird thing this small talk thing is.

its not just celebrity or tv stuff though, a lot of it is about domestic stuff - for example things like how much they paid a cleaner, and how difficult it was for them to source some particular article of furniture or some other kind of similar item. I find such things inherently uninteresting - often I then go drift off into some conversation re principles of interior design and architecture which might be vaguely related to home stuff but this is the bit where people lose interest in what I say. Hardly any of them wish to know interesting facts about things, more like their emotions about certain events occuring etc etc

I'm currently training to be a running and exercise coach since this seems to be the area where people are most interested to hear my technical opinions and have specific advice given. However I know that learning small-talk would also be useful to the success of such a venture.

I think the obsession about celebrities has to do with people being disatisfied with their own lifestyle and fantasising about rich peoples instead of trying to make their own better. However I dont understand much of the articles on clothing and weight especially of female celebrities. What looks good on them and what they weigh has no bearing on what should be the case for myself, or others for that matter. So hmmm, don't get it, but if it is part of the small-talk vocubulary a passing knowledge would help.

I did manage to publish an anecdote about a frozen spider's web on my blog a few weeks ago and that was positively commented on so I have made some progress, but need to be able to do it in person.