I won't be so callous with a friend again.

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I kind of let my temper loose in the way I spoke with a friend today......it was uncharacteristic of the mild-mannered way I usually behave. Usually I'm quite agreeable.

(The only good thing is that I didn't shout.....but I was insensitive and my voice was harsh.)

Quite sure I destroyed this friendship as a result.

My Aspie (and non-Aspie related) traits include irritability, a need for things to be 'just so' and an intolerance of stress / disruption to my delicate world.

Unfortunately, the timing of this minor meltdown was rather unfortunate. To make a long story short, my friend's friend has cancer and she is upset about it. However, she (my friend) did something to upset my delicately balanced universe (to spare you a long story, let's liken it to not taking your shoes off when you enter a house and suppose your sister is battling cancer, yet someone goes off on you about the shoes) That wasn't it, but it's a pretty proportionate analogy.

Needless to say, the friendship is probably over as a result of my faux pas (even though I tried to patch things up later).

It just bothers me that friendships (and relationships for that matter) are so fragile. Many of us on the spectrum have issues such as low stress tolerance and tendency to have a meltdown if there is unexpected uncertainty or change.

So wouldn't it be next to impossible to maintain a friendship or relationship if these issues underlie our condition?

I feel like my *true colors* are irritability, impatience and need for predictability/sameness. Yet, in maintaining friendships, I have to suppress this need constantly. It is taxing and wearing on the soul Thus, when the stress gets too high, I have a sudden temper tantrum or equivalent.

It just seems like a no-win situation

I deeply regret being so callous with my friend and wish I could turn back the hands of time

However, on some level I feel like all friendships or relationships are doomed due to this underlying tendency. I feel like I try so hard for so many months then I crack.

Being so callous and insensitive during my friend's time of need and nearly shouting (but not quite) and not comforting her at all about her friend's cancer.....and instead adding to her stress by being a jerk....ugh. A friendship I worked so hard to build.....destroyed. Due to my impatience and thoughtlessness.

The best I can do is to tell myself that I won't be so callous with a friend again.

But is this really achievable in spite of my best intention NOT to behave this way again?

After all, I tried so hard to build this friendship, and what do I do? Do something incredibly STUUUUUPID to tear it down in one day.

Why does this happen? Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

Sincerely apologising can be difficult for our type, but see if that helps preserve the friendship.

rva, I'd have to agree with the above posters: and I want to congratulate you on your excellent self-awareness: this is something that will set you up for success as someone on the spectrum. Explaining your ASD traits in relation to the situation would be a good idea: explain that it's not that you don't care about her (which you clearly do) but it's due to a part of yourself that you find hard to control or suppress.