Selective eye contact??

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Some people like my parents, my teachers and my friends havn't really nagged me about eye contact ever. So I guess I do a pretty good job at it with them. My mom told me I do fine when I talk to her so I guess I am fine with everyone else too. But most but not all new people I meet I have been told I make little to no eye contact. My therapist told me yesterday that I only looked him in the face breifly six times out of 1 hour. He says I don't trust people and he doesn't think I look anyone in the face. I don't really notice when I do and when I don't. Or why it would be different with different people. Could this be like a selective eye contact thing? Does that even happen?

Same happens to me. I'm ok with looking my immediate family members and my boyfriend in the eyes. Other people tell me I have poor eye contact and that I often don't even look at people when I talk to them/they talk to me.

Making eye contact is something I can do, but if I do it, it usually takes all my concentration, and I miss out on what that person is trying to communicate to me; I freeze up. What I learned subconsciously to do, is use the fact that I'm deaf in one ear to my advantage. When I'm talking with someone, I cock my head with my good ear toward the person talking, listen to what they have to say, and make appropriate responses.

Another approach I learned in Navy boot camp was when I must look in the direction of the person who is addressing me is doing exactly what they taught. Look through that person and instead of focusing on their eyes, focus instead of some distant point behind them.

[quote="Kaelynn"]He says I don't trust people and he doesn't think I look anyone in the face. I don't really notice when I do and when I don't. Or why it would be different with different people. [quote]

It seems like you're getting good advice already, so I just wanted to say that it seems that your psychologist doesn't understand the complexity of the human brain. Might need to get another one.

I think comfortable eye contact happens so naturally that you don't even think about it. I'm very aware most of the time of whether I'm making eye contact or not, which probably means I'm uncomfortable with it. But I think most people, including people with AS, make eye contact with others that they are comfortable with, are honest with and trust. So it's natural that different levels of eye contact happens depending on the relationship between you and other people.

You're not alone. A lot of people with aspergers (not everyone) are better at socialising with people they have known a long time, e.g your family.

I personally is a lot more open when I'm at home and with my family. This is why my mother didn't at first believe that I would have aspergers, though she does know. But whenever I talk to someone I barely know I can never make eye contact and I become a lot more of an typical "aspie".

I also don't hate eye contact, I just find it something really special. To me having eye contact feels like kissing somebody and that's why I hate doing it to people I don't know or don't like. But even though it still feels weird to make eye contact it's not as scary if I know the person well.

I don't know if my last statement is something other people with aspergers would agree on, but it's just my personal feeling.

I think I have selective eye contact. With me, eye contact is natural with family, friends, co-workers, or anyone that I am to make any useful interactions with for that matter (like receptionists, doctors, bus-drivers, cashier, etc). Even when I am meeting someone for the first time I can make normal eye contact.

But the only time my eye contact skills does decide to switch off is when I pass strangers in the street. I just cannot look at them. If I have to, I get all clammy and hot and my heart beats really quickly and I go all shaky and panicky inside. So I just avoid eye contact with strangers. I don't know why this happens, but it might be because I have a fear of intimidation, and I also fear intimidating other people whom I don't know.

This is probably just because you're more used to your friends and family.
Many Aspies don't look people in the eye because they find it distressing.

I'd kill for it to be selective; I don't even manage it very well with my own family.

Selective eye contact i like that term, it's fitting. It makes sense, we are most comfy with say our family and gf so we make eye contact with them. When it comes to other people any other people or strangers eye contact will not be present.

Librarian i had the same problem if i am attempting to make the forced eye contact with another human i miss what they are saying as the force eye contact bothers me too much.
I like the idea of tilting my head towards the person (my left ear i don't hear as well as the other & ear buds don't stay in it) so that way i am listening yet not making eye contact.

Sometimes i end up staring through people by accident if i've zoned out.

My son's ability to have "normal" eye contact is directly related to his level of comfort, but it doesn't necessarily have to do with his level of comfort with the other person. If he is stressed or over-aroused, he sometimes even has a hard time making eye contact with me.

For me, I find that I am just more self-conscious about body language as a whole around people I don't know: Am I making too much eye contact? Not enough? Do I look stiff? Are my hands in the right place? Am I fidgeting? and I think it actually makes me have MORE problems that I usually would. When I am around people I know well, I do not spend so much time thinking about such things, so while I may have less eye contact than "normal" people, it is less noticeable because I am not so uncomfortable that my discomfort calls attention to my body language stuff. Don't know if that made sense...

the only time I make eye contact is when I think about making eye contact its not something that comes natural to me

eye contact is easier with people you know and trust indeed.
however, i, and several others on the spectrum that i know in real life, have developed a level of skill for faking eye-contact that only people close to me, that would want more intimate eyecontact, can see that i am actually faking it, unless i specifically tell them and invite them to try.
however, those that might realise i am faking are usually the same that i have less trouble with, so they wont notice either, as i am no longer really faking.
this has given me, for intents and purposes, 'normal' eyecontact, as there has been noone over the last 5-6 years that realised i had trouble (unless told)

I am ok with family and friends but ask me what the delivery driver looked like 5 seconds after he'd left I couldn't tell you or pick him out a line up because I didn't look at him...I have only just realised I do this, I make very little eye contact if at all with people I don't have to..

Stu

My eye contact is much like a cat's.