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Merculangelo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 36
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Location: Oklahoma City

03 Feb 2013, 12:13 pm

I'm going to explode.
I have so much energy I can't control; the last thing I want to do is sit in a room studying (except that's also exactly what I want to do but can't because I'm restricted from all study space because I exist). I want to go climb a mountain, run a marathon, play in a soccer game, learn how to swim, etc. Last night I had a dream I massacred like 30 people with a chain saw in a tiny convenience store. But I saved two kids and their puppy. But they got hurt because it was kind of chaotic and I didn't know who was who sometimes.
I went to go get coffee this morning and all the way walking I felt like I was a jetplane about to take off. I feel like if nothing changes in the next two days that I will actually explode - like my chest will tear open and it will be like turning into the Hulk except I won't, I'll just explode and pieces of me will go flying all over the place. If someone asked me to be a suicide bomber today I'd totally do it, even more if it were to blow up my school. And I could write a great suicide bomber letter (placed somewhere other than on my person) about how the education system is F'd up and is the source of most of my life frustrations.



Tahitiii
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Joined: 1 Jul 2008
Age: 70
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03 Feb 2013, 1:33 pm

Tell someone who is in a position to get you temporary drugs. Now. Today.
(Don't let them check you in -- IMHO, being incarcerated and at the mercy of
the nut-jobs who run such places is only going to make things worse.)
If possible, take a friend. The staff will treat you better. Almost like you're a human being.
Then come back to this thread and talk some more.
What you've said is not enough to know anything in particular except that this is an emergency.
Even if nothing tangible comes of it, you shouldn't have to live like this.



Merculangelo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 36
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Location: Oklahoma City

03 Feb 2013, 2:04 pm

That's pretty intense. I'm not going to do that.

I took adderall and ate breakfast. Feeling a little more even.



Tahitiii
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03 Feb 2013, 2:16 pm

I suppose that's better than nothing.
Does anyone in your real world know about these episodes?

What does it mean that you’re restricted “because I exist”?



Tahitiii
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04 Feb 2013, 11:11 pm

So, how was today?
Level? Even?
Just checking up.