First timer here, how has Asperges effected your life?

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I know this is long but please read.

Hi everyone my names Dante this is my first post but ive been stalking the site for a while. Ive yet to be diagnosed with AS, I dont have the finances or family support. My entire life up until recently has been absolutely miserable and an ongoing struggle with Anxiety, depression, and isolation, my only enemy is myself. For the longest time I was convinced I was the problem, my step father, real father, and my mother were all extremly critical of my introverted behavior, strange interests/obsessions, and my poor performance in Public school. Critisism was also dealt by my classmates and friends who at many times chastized me publicly because I was different, I wasnt into sports like most other black kids, I always walked around with big ass books about space and dinosaurs, I was accused of "acting white". I also have trouble relating to the opposite sex, which is a shame because im not ugly and girls are sometimes attracted to me but I become a mute and end up creeping them out, Im not shy and dont think im ugly I just cant force myself to act interested about anything im not.

My old friend in high school once asked me straight up if I was gay because this really attractive girl that I wanted to f**k was hitting on me and I didnt even know it she thought I was ignoring her maybe she thought I was gay too smh. Ive been to a few parties before but the experience was normal pretty bad, idk what it is but the loud bass of the music made me feel anxious like I was going to die, I danced with a few girls but that was only because the lights were low, the whole time I felt like I was in a zoo people were drunk and on molly they looked so f*****g ret*d. Ive lost so many jobs and ruined so many interviews because im not extroverted enough and I make a bad slave. Aspergers has ruined my life but im not ashamed anymore society is the problem not me, to be well adjusted to this sick backwards world is not a good sign imo.

I discovered weed and it helped for a short while but then I became addicted I would smoke 7grams in a week easily and not leave the house once, especially during summer. I still toke every now and then and there are benefits before I was extremly literal, overly logical, left brain dominant, now Im more rational Im open to new concepts, I try and understand people and I have much more empathy. I had sociopathic tendancies before. Assuming your still reading would you like to share your personal experience?

PS- The worst part about it is most people dont want to believe me including family and several therapists, this is because I make an effort to appear normal by dressing a certain way and I can be articulate if im in a comfortable setting. They assume im just shy or a nerd or worse they assume im being stuck up. I believe I am on the mild end of the spectrum most people think if im an aspie I have to be like rainman.

Wow, you sound just like me. As i was reading your post i kept thinking ye me to. I was diagnosed with Asperges last year. Only difference with me is i would say weed has probably made me worse.

Yeah weed definitely betrays me when Im in public or in a social environment. I become hyper introverted, paranoid, and self conscious, when im stoned is the only time I feel ugly. Smoking alone on a rainy day or with one or two people is an enjoyable experience, it definitely brings me out of my shell makes me Irie. I went to a psychologist once to get diagnosed and he said the fact I could express my feelings and communicate was reason enough to rule AS out, he wanted to put me on pills for ADHD, I never went back.

That psychologist sounds stupid. But when you can i would really suggest seeing someone else and getting diagnosed. I have been lucky and seen some really nice doctors and since getting diagnosed have felt better knowing i'm not just crazy because like you everyone always told me no you don't have Asperges or Autism.

Imagine a world run by aspergians, that would be so dope, there would be no war or hunger.

I've smoked weed once and it had a terrible effect on me (I tried to jump out of a window, thinking I could fly, apparently). My psychiatrist says my Asperger's is severe; I have severe sensory issues, I rarely socialise (and when I do, it is exhausting), I have no understanding of body language, people etc., and I need a full-time support worker at university.

My childhood was not at all like the "tragic" childhoods you can read about here on WP.
I've always had people there to help me and support me. I've never been really bullied, just teased and isolated (didn't care much of those), and I don't consider it to be real bullying. Yes, I can say that my childhood was mostly an happy childhood. I surely had some troubles, mostly caused by the fact I have "oppositive behavious" (words from my diagnostic paper), meaning that I was (and still am) quite vengeful and spiteful when criticized or told I'm wrong. I also was very impulsive as a child, even a really little thing could make me freak out.
I've never been really depressed in all my life, because I don't care much of the fact I'm different from other people. I can't help acting different, and I couldn't even if I tried, because I can't read other people's mind, and I can't know what's "normal" to them.
I haven't changed much from my childhood. I indeed improved, but I'm mostly like I was at that time.
The major issues I have to deal with remained those: my impulsivity, my inattention, my eccessive talking, my hyperactivity and my inability to make a coherent and well-make talk when I need it. I often wonder if people can understand what I say. They don't seem to do so.
To sum up, I can't say that my life is an unhappy one. I can't say AS has ruined my life, though I'm not proud (neither ashamed) of having it. It's something I have, I accept it. My parents have accepted my AS and ADHD since my first diagnosis, and never blamed me because of my behaviour, but always tried to help me in the best way possible. I think that in this situations support from family is the most needed thing.

I'll put it that way. I'm with one foot into the Aspie world and grew/maintained the other foot into the NT one. We got way too spoiled with the diagnosis that modern psychology accosts us., making us isolate/mask ourselves in inappropriate ways (religion used to be another and just as a debilitating of a tool of curbing our enthusiasm for life). We tend to be way better leaders than other "psychopaths". Just need our space and enough information to change the world for the better (or for worse).

Last edited by GnothiSeauton on 04 Feb 2013, 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You can treat it as a gift or a curse. It's a gift if you use it and a curse if you choose to picture yourself based on other people's negative opinions of you. Use it for what it benefits yourself and others and soon you'll learn to appreciate the meaning of beauty.

Girls, sports, drugs are not important bro, stick to the books on space!

Seriously science = success.

The problem people have with weed is they use too much of it. I use it every day in very low doses unless I'm unable to sleep. At very low, barely psychoactive doses (like drinking a glass of wine), it kills my anxiety and depression. At high doses it has the opposite effect, this has long been known about cannabis. You don't need to be 'high' to reap the benefits of cannabis, but unfortunately most people over do it. Having tried zoloft I would prefer a single hit of cannabis any day. If you've had bad experiences with it I would recommend you try it again but at 1/10 the dose that caused you the bad experience. You probably just had used too much last time.

Very few would believe that I have asperger's and I didn't know about it until a few years ago. I read up on the characteristics and I fit many of them. I do not empathize well, I have a monotone conversation voice, I do not read expressions and say inappropriate things for the situation. I have been called a leader because I say what comes to mind whether good or bad, I've been called unique, I am big and strong and was pressured into sports, I did not put the effort into the sports so I was always only pretty good, except for powerlifting, I could do that on my own, for the most part. I like people but I feel alone, regardless of how many friends I might have. Since I am big and strong, people always came to me and wanted to be my friend. I never sought out friends and was always sent to psychologists and had tests run on me, school and private and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. One said that I had attention problems and wanted to put me on this new ground breaking drug called ritalin. My father would not let them give that to me. I've always been fascinated by electronics and computers and I love watching shows that are picnics related. Many women liked me but I never knew it. I've had girl friends but only because they pursued me. They say they love that I am so cool under pressure, but they hate that I'm cold and intentional, which is the same reason I am cool under pressure. I was just recently diagnosed with asperger's and add/adhd, and I was explained to what it all meant and the pieces fit for my life which gives me order which I need. As many here, most people don't want to accept my condition. I am high functioning. I've learned to adapt by listening to words and knowing what they mean and how they fit with other words and learning basic facial expressions and tones of voice by reading about them and studying people and listening for their reactions first, like if they say something and laugh, I will laugh too. I am in all things, sales. Medical sales. I am successful and have my own distributorship with people who work for me. This kind of sales, you are mostly working from home by yourself and most business is done through emails and texting. Three things, I know a lot about a few things, I'm not nervous when I go on sales calls and Say what's on my mind which comes across as confidence and I'm like an encyclopedia with the narrow scope of things I know. I'm also in a marriage for 6 years and we've been together for 10. My wife is incredibly understanding of my diagnosis, actually, she's the one that discovered it first. All my other girlfriends always tried to get me angry on purpose because I was emotionally cold so they could see emotion. When they found what made me angry they would repeat their behavior to see "emotion", but I would become "Mr. Hyde" as one of them said. I lost jobs often when I was younger, except with behavioral health, especially in crises situations and sales. My father thought there was something wrong with me, he would yell at me and even hit me and I had very little reaction if any, "dead eyes" and he would say that my reactions were robot like. People say that they admire me because I just say whatever comes to mind no matter the situation. I was not an outcast, I'm almost always seen as an entity, different, hero like. I know this because I am told these things. A girl in my accounting class in high school said, about me, he is the type of person that you follow into war and do whatever he told you. I guess I am atypical of what I've read when it comes to societal outcomes but I have almost all of the asperger's traits. I wonder if anyone else had a similar experience as myself.

It has made my life complex. I don't have the social life I would desire, I have people often question my sexuality (while in reality I'm a metrosexual redneck)

The big one, and important for someone who wants a family of his own, is dating. It is simply a road block. I have struggled for years to not only ask girls out, but to even go on a date. There's a bright side to this though: when I have had the opportunity, it has been met with success.

maybe that's a good idea. we could probably build a better world.
my parents were also very angry at me for not having/nor wanting friends. i never understood the concept of "friends". my mother who was a teacher in my school was told by other teachers that i dont play with other kids, and during breaktime i walk back and forth in the backyard and flap my fingers, or walk over the pipe that served as a bridge over a hole in the ground. i started this about age six. my mother talked to me about it as if i've committed a crime. she was so mad. she and my father tried forcing me to interact, and that made me want to ever less.
if your right brain is developed, then you can go into computers and make a bundle. the left brain being developed doesnt much help us aspies, because it's hard for us to become psychiatrists since that means dealing with people. there are many great jobs out there for people with the left brain developed more than the right, and we're smart, very much so.
how did asperger syndrome affect my life? i suffered from social phobias, ocd, insomnia, stomach achs, general anxiety and noise anxiety and was very hyper in my youth. i had a problem getting a job because i was too shy to even to to macdonald and order a hamburger, but i got over it because i needed the money.
hyperactivity helped a lot at work in a busy restaurant. i was the fastest, but i got bullied on each and every job and so had to leave every job after a few months.
now i do survies over the phone and no one bothers me at all.
i have poor motor skills, which prevented me from learning self defense as a child and a teen, but in my early twenties i did learn and found out i was very strong. i think autistic people are often blessed with physical strenght. nature gives with one hand and takes with the other.... it compensates.
i'm 46, never been married, never had a relationship except for one night stands and dont have, nor want to have, kids. but i love my brother's girls very much and we're very close.
now i have to end this post and go to work. good luck to you and thanks for sharing this post. it's interesting.

Who tells you so?
What's this new stereotype, "all aspies are good, willing to beuseful to society and conflict avoiders"?
People say I'm not good.
I have no desire to be useful to society.
I am not at all a conflict avoider.

I think that, like everyone, all people are different, including people with asperger's. Just because there are common characteristics doesn't mean that these characteristics effeects everyone the same way. My inappropriate comments and I just focus on the topic at hand, at my job, and it makes me appear confident because I'm not effected by situation, instead of being shy I just say whatever comes to mind. So my asperger's is different than many others I've read about. I'm not for or against conflict, avoid or look for conflict, for the most part I'm not aware of conflict when its happening. I'm seen as very nice, too nice, but say whatever regardless of the audience, and I've been told that people admire this about me. I feel like I'm just me and am unaware of these things about me, but I'm told how people see me, unique and interesting, people tend to gravitate to me. I am big and I'm unaware of my presence. I was a powerlifter for years. I'm not easily forgotten.