Can't handle my thoughts & afraid of being a mythomaniac

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My head is filled with thoughts at the moment. Well, it's never quiet in there but it's rather chaotic in my head right now. It's been a strange week. This week I got to know I meet the criteria for Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Yesterday I also got to know that it's likely I have AS/ASD and that I will definitely get assessed (not sure when since the waiting list is quite long). I haven't got any of the diagnoses yet (I don't think the assessment is finished).

Anyway, even though I had suspected every one of those disorders before this week I can't help but feeling very... strange. I'm not sure what I'm feeling. So much to take in.

There's this one thought that really bothers me and it has been bothering me for the past 8 months or so. I've mentioned it before and even before I got to know I meet the criteria for OCD I was wondering if maybe it's an OCD thought. The thought tells me I might be "faking" my symptoms (especially ASD). That perhaps I think I'm honest when I'm really not. That perhaps I've reconstructed all my memories and that they're all now flawed. That perhaps everything I tell the professionals are lies and that I'm some sort of mythomaniac or something.

I don't know how to handle that thought. It has previously made me go over things (documents, memories and things in my head) over and over and over again to make sure I've told no lies. It has made me compulsively research mental disorders which has then made me even more anxious. It has made me seek reassurance from other people (perhaps that's what I'm doing now as well. I don't know). I don't know how to handle that thought. It keeps plaguing me.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How'd you deal with it?

That's a lot to handle.
I remember how I felt to find out about my dx and I found out about them once at the time.



I had this at times too and I don't have OCD, so I don't think they are exclusively to OCD.
I also searched for stuff actually.
I think it also had something to do with acceptance that I have all that and to understand it. ASD is just a part of my personality and suddenly I found out it's a disorder.
This is much to take in. Especially ASD is not like most of the other disorders. It's more a part of the identity and also you will stay this way more or less for the rest of the life. So it is clear that there the feeling is the most strongest, also to accept that.

Last edited by Raziel on 08 Feb 2013, 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's overwhelming being diagnosed with things. I was so overwhelmed when I was first diagnosed with AS that I started crying in the doctor's office...

I can also relate to worrying about "faking it" even when you know deep down that you're not.

Yes I've done this sort of stuff when anxious. I think seeking reassurance is quite a natural thing if you're anxious. I don't like to bother people with my head stuff all the time though, so I do go on discussion forums dedicated to the topic to talk about it. Looking for knowledge and information can be comforting too. I spend a couple of hours a day on the computer and another couple of hours thinking things through.

My anxiety gets worse when I don't have a steady routine and the basics get out of order. It also gets worse around stressful times. I find that getting back to basics and focussing on the present moment (mindfulness)to be useful things to practice. I try to think about my own goals and what's important to me, rather than getting stuck in the anxiety thought loop. It's not easy but persistence helps.

What does 'mythomaniac' mean? I've never heard that word before.

How long did it take before you stopped being overwhelmed? I'm not even diagnosed yet and I just feel very strange (and still constantly worried of being a mythomaniac).



Mythomaniac is another word for a pathological liar/compulsive liar.

Don't know if this is at all helpful...but maybe keep in mind you'd know if you where faking, I find that helpful if I start wondering how severe my symptoms really are and if its really as difficult as I think it is and all that.

But what if I'm such a good pathological liar that I've managed to trick myself (and the professionals) and I'm now delusional and don't know what's true anymore? I'm serious, I worry about these things. A lot.

Assuming for a moment that you have tricked yourself, you have only tricked your conscious self which makes up a small portion of your brain power and your behaviour is made up of much more than what you consciously control. It is unlikely that should you trick yourself effectively that a professional would not see an incongruence and pick up on it, even if they didn't know precisely what. A normal person on the street may be fooled, but less likely a professional.

Then there's the issue of tricking yourself - it seems to me very unlikely that someone concerned that they may have tricked themselves is also successfully tricking themselves. That would require you being able to do a double jedi mind-trick on yourself, spontaneously and without prior practice, again unlikely.

It seems to me that in a way you are chasing your tail somewhat, and that it would be better to collect your thoughts on specific elements of your behaviour, so that if and when you speak to a professional the conversation is more efficient. Let the pros put it all together and instead concentrate on the 'what' rather than the 'why', if, as it seems from your posts, that asking yourself the 'why' is leading you into further anxiety and worrying about new problems.

This sounds exactly like me (except that I've been diagnosed with depression, social/general anxiety, and Tourettes, and haven't talked to a professional yet about Asperger's). I think it's really common to be worried about being a faker or lying to yourself and others, especially for people with anxiety problems.

Elfabyanos, thank you for the advice; it's really helpful to have someone logically address these kinds of thoughts.

I get those, "am I faking it" feelings all the time too.

I just have to look back and remember that who I am right now is not who I used to be when I was younger. I've gotten a lot better at handling things as I've gotten older.

But also, I look back at my childhood and teen years, and I remember all the questions I asked myself like, "why do I _______?" or wondering why I was so different. I knew I didn't think or act the same way, and I searched for all kinds of answers, but nothing ever fit. When I started researching aspergers, every single specific question that I had wondered my whole life was answered dead on. And it was weird because they were pretty specific questions.

So whenever I think that I might be faking it, I just look back and remember those specific questions that were actually answered for once because of aspergers, and I know that I have to at least have it mildly.

If you were tricking yourself, you wouldn't be worrying about it. The people I've seen who are in denial never ask themselves if they're in denial - if they did, it would all come crashing down.