BBC Article Down with Romantic Love

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13 Feb 2013, 7:33 am

Down with Romantic Love

"Our idealised notion of romantic love is actually the biggest enemy of long-lasting relationships, says Mark Vernon."

I liked this article. In summary the writer is saying that too many people chase an ideal marketed by the movies and stores trying to sell as much as they can on Valentines Day and this leads to disappointment in the long run.

Quote:

It is hard to prove, though I wonder whether such a view of romance has become so monstrous in the pressure it puts on couples to find fulfilment in each other, that it actually undermines more relationships than supports them.

It is socially corrosive because it idealises love, rather than understanding that love is made not found. Love is made in the gritty ups and downs of being with someone who is as flawed as you.

The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Feb 2013, 7:54 am

Love is made but lust is found.

Problem is, you wouldn't be given a chance to build love with someone unless she finds lust in you - and vice versa.

hurtloam
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13 Feb 2013, 7:59 am

She?! How does that help me, I'm looking for a man? ...

That's not entirely true either. People can grow on you over time and then you realise you have feelings for a friend that just grew even though you weren't attracted to them when you first knew them. It's true, it happened to me.

moisha
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13 Feb 2013, 10:25 am

hurtloam wrote:

do we fall in love, like tripping over a broom in long grass? do we fall out of love - the airplane door comes off and you are sucked out?

I am looking for a woman partner(yes, here on WP< whisper>), but was told I had my work cut out for me, getting the message across and achieving my goal. only on planet earth...

JanuaryMan
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13 Feb 2013, 10:33 am

C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

moisha
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13 Feb 2013, 10:39 am

how much of a dopamine serotonin GABA endorphin enkephalin oxytocin increase is required to turn a generally "conservative" woman into a passionate equal opportunity sexually emancipated individual?

mv
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13 Feb 2013, 10:41 am

moisha wrote:

how much of a dopamine serotonin GABA endorphin enkephalin oxytocin increase is required to turn a generally "conservative" woman into a passionate equal opportunity sexually emancipated individual?

Two glasses of wine. Rawr! :wink:

JanuaryMan
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13 Feb 2013, 10:43 am

mv wrote:

moisha wrote:

how much of a dopamine serotonin GABA endorphin enkephalin oxytocin increase is required to turn a generally "conservative" woman into a passionate equal opportunity sexually emancipated individual?

Two glasses of wine. Rawr! :wink:

Who's up for some wine!

Agreed, hurtloam. People forget you love people for who they are, and what they aren't. Daria was a quality show btw.

BlueMax
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13 Feb 2013, 12:15 pm

People have SKY-HIGH expectations these days thanks to TV/movies/etc. If they're not deliriously happy all the time, they'll move on to the next victim, to "feel that rush" (as the horrible chat-line commercials put it.) :eew:

cakey
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13 Feb 2013, 3:53 pm

The article rings so true for me. The kind of love that comes without expectation, but understanding and care for one another is the kind that lasts unlike the many that end due to the expectations on how love 'should" be when the fact is, many people show their love differently, it can be very different from what's on the movies.

Philosoraptor
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13 Feb 2013, 4:06 pm

It may be telling that the term "romantic comedy" seldom elicits any reaction other than snarky laughter anymore. I think, deep down, most people realize the romances in such films are fake and unrealistic, but its pervasiveness also leads people to think "oh, this must be how the general culture actually sees romance."

I wonder if a lot of the strain in modern dating and inconsistent romantic expectations are due to cognitive dissonance.

BlueMax
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13 Feb 2013, 4:35 pm

rom-com is a combination of romance and light comedy... not that the romance itself is laughable.

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