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Are Aspies Generally Disliked?
Yes 28%  28%  [ 31 ]
No 7%  7%  [ 8 ]
Some 17%  17%  [ 19 ]
Don't Know 25%  25%  [ 28 ]
I am 17%  17%  [ 19 ]
I'm not 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 110

Danthemayne
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15 Feb 2013, 6:02 pm

Hi there,

I'm wondering whether it's aspies in general, or just me who seems generally disliked by people.

I have the feeling that a lot of people definitely don't like me. I'm in a music boarding school, and I've been getting a lot of s**t recently; for example, I got a dick drawn on my face in my sleep, a dirty condom in my bed, I get picked on in rehearsals. And there was recently a whole elaborate plot that a new DJ was coming to school who was apparently fantastic, and had a name that made fun of my surname. I got a lot of piss taken out of me for that. People have drawn dicks on the posters on my wall...

I'm not really a dick. Sometimes I don't think through what I say (typical aspie trait i guess), which pissed off a couple of girls and one guy towards the beginning of the year. But I quickly learned not to do that.

I think people pick on me because I'm different. I'm much more hard working than most (especially when it comes to gym- I'm one of the strongest guys in my year even though I'm naturally skinny), and I listen to different music than most people.

Obviously because I'm an aspie my social alliances side of things is definitely lacking, although I have a very popular roommate.

Anyway, is it like this for all aspies? Or just me?

Thanks for your help :)



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15 Feb 2013, 6:12 pm

I think we fail to see when people like us because we don't read non-verbal cues well and thus we don't "connect".
When we fail to return friendly intentions people might assume that we dont like them. People want to be liked, they don't necessarily
hate not being liked, but they won't pursue with interest. I think moreso than not being liked, we are misunderstood.


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CyclopsSummers
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15 Feb 2013, 6:14 pm

Danthemayne wrote:
<snip>
I think people pick on me because I'm different. I'm much more hard working than most (especially when it comes to gym- I'm one of the strongest guys in my year even though I'm naturally skinny), and I listen to different music than most people.
<snip>


I think this is the core of the problem. Plus, your school or your class must have a strong concentration of bullies or an intolerant atmosphere.
It's not a general anti-Asperger trend, I don't think. The environment you're in seems like a rather mean place, and I don't think you should seek the whole blame within yourself. It's good to evaluate your own behaviour, but in some cases -especially with the type of bullying you describe- it's the others who are in the Wrong.


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MjrMajorMajor
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15 Feb 2013, 6:15 pm

I think it's just being an easy target for people to pick on because you're different, I think you grasped the situation pretty well. I'm really surprised that the school is allowing the harrassment to continue to that level. Have you contacted a guidance councilor or school official about this? If you have, what was their response?



tall-p
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15 Feb 2013, 6:30 pm

I think it is because we lack empathetic responses. We generally aren't into other people's stories, their little issues, and experiences. We know what our experiences are, but we have generally aren't interested in how other people are doing.

It's like soap operas. Normal folks enjoy them. Or even sports teams, I have pretended my whole long life to be "into" this team or that team just to get along. BUT, I know nothing about them, and I know it shows.


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Joe90
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15 Feb 2013, 6:38 pm

I can tell when someone dislikes me or not. But generally I am not disliked really. I am a quiet person, so I don't say a lot, and one good thing about being a quiet Aspie is I give myself more time to observe behaviour of other people and to recognise what's appropriate and inappropriate, so I have more control over what I say to people. Also I can generally get on with practically anyone. I don't interrupt mid-sentence, I don't swing from one subject to the next, I can take jokes, I have a good sense of humour to other people, I make eye contact, I don't generally say inappropriate things, I always like to say ''morning'' or ''hello'' to people when I greet them, the list goes on. So I don't see why I can be disliked, although there are people out there that are just generally nasty people and so can't be bothered to even get to know me and so just put themselves into the ''I dislike you'' column, but I try to just ignore those sorts of people.

Admittedly people used to dislike me at school. I think nearly all the girls hated me. The boys were nicer to me, although one or two didn't seem to know how to speak to me without yelling aggressively at me.


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Pileo
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15 Feb 2013, 7:10 pm

I feel generally disliked, but come on, there's a definite bias there. We're probably not the best crowd to ask if you want an honest and unbiased answer.



franknfurter
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15 Feb 2013, 7:25 pm

Danthemayne wrote:
Hi there,

I'm wondering whether it's aspies in general, or just me who seems generally disliked by people.

I have the feeling that a lot of people definitely don't like me. I'm in a music boarding school, and I've been getting a lot of sh** recently; for example, I got a dick drawn on my face in my sleep, a dirty condom in my bed, I get picked on in rehearsals. And there was recently a whole elaborate plot that a new DJ was coming to school who was apparently fantastic, and had a name that made fun of my surname. I got a lot of piss taken out of me for that. People have drawn dicks on the posters on my wall...

I'm not really a dick. Sometimes I don't think through what I say (typical aspie trait i guess), which pissed off a couple of girls and one guy towards the beginning of the year. But I quickly learned not to do that.

I think people pick on me because I'm different. I'm much more hard working than most (especially when it comes to gym- I'm one of the strongest guys in my year even though I'm naturally skinny), and I listen to different music than most people.

Obviously because I'm an aspie my social alliances side of things is definitely lacking, although I have a very popular roommate.

Anyway, is it like this for all aspies? Or just me?

Thanks for your help :)


well, i cant say whether its more common with aspies but i know that anyone can be picked on for being different in any way or seen as a easy target, a lot of people may be picked on because theire shy, being socially awkward may have something to do with aspies being picked on more because i think people pick up on it, but those people that pick on others are just insecure themselves a lot of the time.
bullies generally are not worth thinking about, they are in the wrong and because someone may single you out does not mean there is anything wrong with you.



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15 Feb 2013, 7:28 pm

i have been bullied quite a lot and im not an aspie so i think its probably a mix of reasons and partly just bad luck with who you meet in school, in my experience looking vulnerable by being small does not help.



redrobin62
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15 Feb 2013, 7:45 pm

Aspies RIGHT HERE on WP sometimes charge at each other with claws bared, so with NT's this should be expected, too. By the same token, that music school seems rough and unforgiving. If I was there I'd be too nervous to ask anyone for help with my homework or practice. They'd shut me down with the quickness.



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15 Feb 2013, 8:18 pm

My friend once said, "I don't think anybody dislikes you, but I'd be lying if I said some people didn't think you were a little off. And I think a lot of it has to do with your voice."

So, in my case at least, "dislike" is the wrong word. I was very surprised to hear this, as I thought nearly everybody disliked me for multiple reasons. lol



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15 Feb 2013, 8:29 pm

I think I have been bullied just because I seem like an easy target. People who are nice see me as being shy and treat me kindly. Some people try to manipulate me for the same reason, and I have been yelled at aggressively probably because of being misunderstood.



seaweasel
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15 Feb 2013, 8:55 pm

i have to vote yes no one in my old school liked me. College was a different story, i had people who wanted to be my friends but i never got around to doing it mostly because of my treatment at my old school(high school)



Schizpergers
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15 Feb 2013, 10:29 pm

To me it sounds like youre in a bad enviroment. Most people who meet me like me and I seem to get along with almost anybody. I rarely run into judgemental people and when I do its usually in a work setting and not in a casual setting.


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15 Feb 2013, 11:56 pm

I think people with AS/autism get very easily misunderstood as being rude/having an attitude/being grumpy etc. We (people with AS/autism) tend to be socially awkward/unaware, look rather "off"/"weird" and become an easy target of bullying, especially in an environment where there are multiple mean people. And I think that's what's happening to you. You are surrounded by mean people. It's not your fault. People's "disliking" us is not because we are bad people, but because we are misunderstood.