Is it wrong to be verbose? Chased off another forum board...

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I have just been chased off of a forum board because my natural style of communication is often on the verbose side and I can be prone to making a number of edits. I can also go back and make second or thirds posts as well (particularly on sites that do not have an edit function) as I am unable to go back and edit the original post instead. There are a number of reasons for this.

1 When explaining something to someone I like to provide sufficient details so that they can fully understand all the relevant factors and the relationships between them. Especially if asking for advice or if I need or would like feed back.

2 I often get afterthoughts and realise, on a second reading, that I have missed out some of the aforementioned details.

3 I may make spelling, grammatical or typographical errors and wish to correct them. Not only do I not like appearing illiterate I consider writing to be an art form and enjoy producing a fluid piece of prose not a pile of poorly composed tripe that no one can understand.

4 Occasionally I like to rewrite a paragraph as I was not happy with my first draft. This can often be a little later on after making the post. This is not to do with laziness when proof reading but has more to do with the way my brain processes things.

5 I can tend to go off on a number of tangents. Again this is to do with how my brain processes things.

6 I like to explore the material I am considering or learning well and to do this I need to take many different directions and consider ALL possible contributing factors as well as the relationships between them (obvious or otherwise).

7 During the process of exploration, before I have reached my final conclusions, I will tend to write down all of my thoughts as this helps me to process them. I can also do the same thing when I am conversing or trying to explain things to someone verbally and I can sometimes speak my thoughts out loud even when I am alone as well (ie I talk to myself lol). Again this is how I process things. Once I have settled things in my mind or reached my conclusions I am then able to be more concise if I am absolutely required to be so.

8 I can also use a similar process if I am upset and need to express myself. I think it is an inner desire to be understood or heard but contrary to what people think I am NOT seeking pity, attention or sympathy. I am often misunderstood as people will place intentions and meanings on to my words and actions that are just not there. Therefore I end up being accused of things that I have not said or done. When I try to clarify matters I am met with insult after insult or people who are not willing to even listen. This is most distressing and causes me anxiety for as long as I am exposed to it.

The result is that I am met with accusations of my being narcissistic, self absorbed, manipulative, attention seeking, lacking in impulse control (in such a way as to imply that I am impulsive and prone to dangerous behaviour when I am not) and obsessive. They insist I am seriously mentally ill and need medication and therapy.

I find that incredibly offensive and very hurtful. All I did was post a few too many verbose posts on a site that did not have an edit function. It is hardly crime of the century and does not make me out of control or dangerous. To make that kind of assumption based on such a situation is just silly.

If they would please get an edit function this would help! Or at least you would think it would help. I have also been hung, drawn and quartered socially because I went back and edited a post more than once to correct some typos (I was not wearing my glasses at the time I wrote the post and missed them on the first proof read), edit a paragraph so it read more fluidly and added a couple of afterthoughts.

The reaction I get to something so harmless is becoming ridiculous. And they insist that I am the one who is being irrational?

Of course I do get a little upset as when a group of people are attacking me (and yes they do attack in groups and gang up on you so it is nearly always a case of 5 or more against just one person) and end up making more verbose posts as a result in a fruitless attempt to reason with them and explain things. This just seems to make things worse. Apparently, when I feel someone is making incorrect assumptions or has been inaccurate in some way, I am supposed to just smile and agree with them and tell them they are right even when they are not.

Granted it is the internet but it is just as bad out in the real world sometimes. At this rate I won't have anywhere left to go to socialise even if I want to

Yet I still do not feel I am really doing anything wrong with my verbosity or for my preference for accuracy contained within a well written piece of English that has been carefully nurtured and composed with love and caring.

I call writing 'painting with words' for a reason. As I stipulated above, it can be an art form and I have respect for that.

Has anyone else had similar problems regarding your posting style.

Also am I the only who keeps getting chased off of forum boards etc?

And finally should I become a recluse and move to a deserted location with no internet connection? (I am joking with this last question, well I am partly joking anyway).

I know what you mean. I work in a similar way to you. I haven't yet been ganged up on or chased off a forum.

I think a lot of NTs go in for the attack because that's their style, no matter how right you could be or how much you explain, once they are on the attack you can't make them see sense.

Sounds like what I do here. So sorry

I used to be on top-law-schools.com, and I had similar problems, but more related to other things.

I really don't know what they were thinking, their behaviour seems very strange to me.

Of course if I say that I am then accused of attacking them or being offensive. I merely said I did not understand their behaviour and that I found it strange, upsetting and somewhat disturbing as well. This was merely what I was feeling at the time. Am I not allowed to stipulate what I am feeling or give my honest view point of things?

I do not mind verbosity or multiple posts and editing. I just do not understand why they over exaggerate it or make such a big thing out of it. After all it is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. There are far worse things going on in the world than verbosity. It seems a little over dramatic to me.

Well there are limits to most users' time and patience to read a post. I recommend you write in a word document first, give yourself time for afterthoughts and then edit content. Post after and accept what you were able to give. If you were not clear enough people will tell you or you can correct them if they misunderstand.


A lot of folks translate verbosity as being treated like they are stupid and unable to use deductive logic. This is why they would dislike extreme verbosity, they would translate it as a social power play.

Oh man, I can relate. I admit I can be incredibly verbose in both written form and in verbal communication (I often talk the way I write). Heck, in one instance it got the point where the president of a student organization I am in talked to me at one point about a complaint he received where another individual in the organization was irritated at how I didn't really give any chance for people to interject once I started talking. He said I didn't ramble, but he did mention that I should pay more attention to the body language of the people in the meeting.

Oh, does he not know the half of it.

To answer the question, I personally don't find it wrong to be verbose. To give all the details in a digestible form makes it MUCH easier (at least to me) for people to follow the logic of what you are saying and to hopefully minimize the requirements for additional questions. Really, what would be better to see?

Scenario 1:

Person A: Here is my suggestion, and here is why I think it. -insert evidence here- -restate thesis-
Person B: I see what you are getting at. There are some assumptions at -insert line here-, but for the most part this looks pretty accurate. I mostly agree.

Scenario 2:

Person A: I think this.
Person B: Oh okay, well why?
Person A: Because -insert piece of evidence here-
Person B: Well, what about -insert concern here-?
Person A: Well, -insert another piece of evidence here-
...

Efficiency is off the charts.

Lol, its just your quirk. Us Aspies all have them. I can see how NT's would find it annoying though. Being an Aspie I can't throw stones nor should any of us. Just try to be a bit more mindful and gather your thoughts prior to posting. Type your thoughts into word; and then come back to it and edit. I know its not perfect but its an idea. Otherwise just forget about them.

I sympathise! I recently deleted all my chatrooms which has been a bit of an obsession for me for a year now, tryin to detox I write too much, too lenghty, and too personal. At first I am being told I am eloquent, then I just get ignored or told I am monologuing. I kind of get the length part and I try very very hard to focus and compress but I just cannot. And the rest, I have no idea how to change that.

Worse is I just chased away my GF (who I met online) doing that. She said "it is all about you". I still don't understand what she meant by that! When I reach out communicating trying so hard to open up, it is for her and it's not about me being selfish. She has said that so many times and I don't understand. It's unfair. I know I am being too talkative but that's the only way I know how to communicate. I like words lol. So I have avoided major debates and chat because of the same reasons you mention. When I am being met that negatively I shut down and don't want to talk to ppl at all. I just don't seem to get the balance right ever

I understand that they may have limited time, in which case they are under no obligation to read my posts and reply to the thread I have started. I do not write lengthy verbose posts in other peoples threads as I do not feel comfortable ruining their discussion for various reasons (ie as this has been happening to me for a number of years, I know that if I were to make verbose posts in another persons thread the people who often like to attack me will do so and derail the thread by making it about my posting style instead. This results in the OP not being able to get replies to their original question and I feel a bit sorry for them as it just turns into yet another debate between me and these individuals. They seem to care little that they have destroyed the other persons thread and tend to blame me for doing so anyway when I attacked no one and would have simply made my post/posts and left if they had not viciously insulted me in the first place).

Therefore I refrain from posting verbose replies in other peoples threads these days and restrict them to threads I have started myself (often posing a question I am curious about and wish to discuss) or my blog posts. I do not consider this unreasonable.

Part of the reason I become verbose at times is because:

1 Many people will make assumptions and interpret my words and actions in a way they were not intended. This then leads to me getting the blame for things that I quite simply have not said or done. If I post clarifying any confusion from the off this is wrong and if I post a reply clarifying any confusion once the confusion and accusations have started this is also wrong. It is as though I have no rights to defend myself.

2 Many people do not consider all the relevant factors and fail to consider important details, especially in threads where you are asking for advice or information. This results in them giving me advice that is not useful or viable to me because they are simply not aware enough of all the specifics of the situation to be able to provide possible solutions that are effective in solving the issue.

So for example if I were to just post: I have social difficulties and would like some advice on how to make friends. The replies I get (time and time again) consist of:

Reply: Go out to groups and talk to people

problem with that reply: I get flustered in groups, especially groups of strangers and tend to prefer one on one encounters in quiet environments as I also don't cope well with too much background noise due to being highly sensitive to such environments in various ways. I also have problems with knowing how to approach someone to start a conversation and cannot read social cues so tend to miss offers of friendship as I was not aware they were being presented to me at the time. If I were to just go to groups I'd come home as friendless as I was when I went in there. The only thing I would end up with is a migraine from all the noise and hustle and bustle.

Reply: Just relax and be yourself...

Problem: If I relax and am myself people start yelling at me and start accusing me of doing things I have not done...like being deliberately offensive or attacking them. They will insist I am being miserable because I don't grin at them like a cheshire cat on drugs. They will insist I am depressed or obsessed because I want some alone time with my hobbies. They will complain about my verbosity or of giving out too much information or deliberately trying to annoy them because they used an idiom I had never come across and I took them literally (Ie my mum once told me to change the record because I was talking about the same subject too much. We had one of those old record players and I really did think she meant for me to change the record on it. The problem was that there was no record playing so I replied with "change what record" to which she told me off for being deliberately insolent. I was not being insolent at all!! !! !) and so on.

Relaxing and being myself is not a good idea if I want to make any friends!

Therefore I try to clarify what my social problems are from the off so that they can give me advice that I can work with. Unfortunately this does not work either as they just insist I should go and get some medication. Medication does nothing for me except give me horrible side effects and if I try to explain this well...then I am just refusing to help myself and wasting peoples time.

But they have not given me any advice that I can actually make use of!! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I don't want to be a drugged up zombie just to fit in and I still don't fit in anyway because the medication does not change my quirks, it just makes me moody and ill

I get very frustrated when I cannot get them to understand. It is most upsetting...and causes me to get very flustered and have a meltdown.

Last edited by bumble on 16 Feb 2013, 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think many of us lack enough or any social interaction in real life and because of this we place additional time and effort into our online interactions. Birds of a feather.

I have had people say "Excuse me, but if you don't mind me interrupting your monolgue..."

I don't mind at all, I know I can sometimes ramble so I do tell people in my personal life to just give me a gentle nudge if I launch off into a speech. Unfortunately they just yell at me or insult me instead which just hurts my feelings.

I also get the it's all about you thing...I am still scratching my head over that.

I am gradually becoming more reclusive over the years as there seems to be less drama that way and I can enjoy my hobbies in peace and quiet. I just get a bit lonely as I sometimes have a desire to socialise even though I am somewhat introverted and not very good at it.

I can relate. Maybe if people knew you had ASD? It's pretty common for us not to tolerate SSRI's and similar drugs very well.

I feel really bad that you are treated like that. Wish I could offer more suggestions, but I have too many of the same issues!

Hello.

Frankly your posts (and some other people's) are sometimes too long for me to read. I'm not a good reader and reading is very exhausting for me.

Having said that there's nothing wrong with long posts. You shouldn't have to change your style of posting. People who don't want to read long posts should simply skip them. It's not your problem if others find your posts too verbose.

It's usually not whether it's right or wrong, but whether they like it or not. So, you end up being attacked even if you are not wrong. Not fair, but that's often the way it is. Also, many people have a tendency to interpret your words and actions to the point of coming up with an idea of yours (often attention/sympathy seeking) that didn't even cross your mind, and then accuse you of that ridiculous idea of yours. With people like that communication is impossible. Even if you are being precise and literal, if people try to interpret (or twist) it in their own way, then your message will never be truly understood.

Funny, I am a long reader, learning how to go through information and evaluate specific details is something I enjoy doing. Still I can see how some would find it annoying; its all personal choice. Usually for forums long drawn out post are no good and often people will not respond to them. Instead figuring out how to say more with less is key. Even if you have to leave out details, people will be more receptive the the ones that are included.