Being forsed in to "the real world."

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I always was in my own world when I was younger, so much I almost failed the forth grade.

I had pretty much every line and song of Annie memorized . I would constantly repeat lines and sing a whole bunch of different songs when absolute no one was listening ( I still do the songs part sometimes). I would mainly get into my own world by thinking about annie, a tv show,toy, a story I came up with. (I did that a lot) or by reading, singing or playing with toys. This has so offen been discouraged by my family how hated me for liking dolls and would complain and mone about it. I tried to ignore them but after a while they broke me and I now feel so guilty when I want to take my dolls out with me or play with them so, I mainly just got them had the urge to do something with them and then get shot with pain and lose interest in it. Oddly this has effected everything else too . Now my autistic world is diminishing and I am almost sort of completely in reality and I am failing, and my symptoms are becoming more crippling.

I am less oblivious to everything but I am a lot more aware of my symptoms, and know that they are getting worse.

I stim a lot more.

I have way more anxiety and stress.

I feel more weak, tired and depressed

I am more obsessive.

I get sensory overload almost to no end.

I am less sociable.

I get more headaches and dizziness.

I feel more like and outcast like never before.

I am more impulsive.

Im more confused and angry.

I have lost interest in a lot of stuff.

School is becoming almost impossible to deal with as well as the nt (real/outside) world.

( as well as some other stuff)

when I was in my world I was a lot happier and could get away from the harshness, gloominess and bias or reality.
It would also help a lot with sensory overload and socialization ( due to being more oblivious) .


It would help me cope with the problems of being autistic.

How can I get into my world? Or at least being able to get away from the harsh truth of reality and growing up and being a teen and then in 4 1/2 years being an adult.

What should I do?
How do I cope with the real world?

Now I actually think I still go into my own world being obsessed with the outsiders, and special needs like autism and other special interests like that with the little things I haven't totally lost interest in but not nearly as much as I use to be in it. ( almost never)

Last edited by jenisautistic on 20 Feb 2013, 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think your family is wrong. You need your inner world as a safe refuge to help you cope with the real world. No one should take that away from an autistic person. There is nothing wrong with taking time to be in your own world if your brain is wired to do that. It can keep you calm and centered.
And what's wrong with playing with dolls? I was obsessed with dolls and collected them when I was a child. I still have a couple of those dolls, I feel bad that my mother gave most of them away.

Now that they have broke me and I have become less oblivious and more in reailty (and coping horribly).

Now because of how they had have made me feel I am locked out of the autistic world and I cant find the key to get back in.( although I still have all the autistic symptoms) I cant get into my world, it just give me repressed memories and huts me and makes me flinch back into reality.

Also my autism visualization skills are gone, I can no longer visualize anything or make a picture of it in my mind.

I use to have movies constantly happening in my brain and in my own world.

If you could get a copy of 'Through the Eyes of Aliens' By Jasmine Lee O'Neill You might enjoy reading that book. She is an autistic woman with a very positive attitude regarding autism and talks about the importance of an inner world for autistic people.
I think that book could help find your way back to your inner world and make you feel proud of your autism. Your family could benefit from reading it also.

Marybird, your posts are so right. I don't say that enough in general, and this is a good time to make an exception.

jeni, I'm a 34-year-old adult with a successful career and a lot going for me. I have a few problems but almost all of them are by choice. So when I tell you something, I want you to know where it's coming from. I'm not some homeless unemployed internet person who smells like expired milk.

I think you're more functional in the outer world when you have your own inner world to help guide and focus you. And right now, you don't have that because of what you think other people expect of you.

They're probably wrong.

And you're probably wrong for accepting what they tell you.

I think you should get back into that world you sort of walked away from. You should always balance it, but there's nothing wrong with having imaginary interests. They help develop your mind. And the mind is a very complicated piece of equipment. It's not a calculator. It thinks in patterns and relationships and concepts and imagery, and we help develop those capabilities by imagining and exploring.

A lot of adults in our world are very interested in conformity; in making sure their kids do the right things so that they're just like all the other kids. But that's a mistake.

I meet a lot of women my age, and I can't tell you how sad it is that so many of them have spent so long doing what's expected, that they've lost touch with anything special to them. They no longer talk about unicorns or Harry Potter or boys or physics or clouds or poets or anything. They talk about their cubicle, and their boss. Everything else has been so beaten out of them that they only barely exist.

Don't be that person.

Be the crazy girl who does well in math class but sometimes talks about Annie. Be the girl who does her homework with a doll sitting next to it on her desk.

And if your parents or siblings give you any crap about it, don't get frustrated but don't just accept what they're saying. Find a way to tell them that this is part of you. It's not the whole you, but you like it and it helps you. And it's cheaper than drugs, therapy, or a boyfriend. If nothing else does, that last part should shut them up.

I think that crazy girl will turn into a really cool woman.

And you may not believe me, even though I'm f*****g awesome. So I'll prove it to you.

You know who's a really cool woman? Tina Fey. She was the head writer on Saturday Night Live for a season, a very highly regarded comedian and writer, and she created and starred in the hit NBC series 30 Rock. She's kind of like a nerd goddess. Smart, imaginative, hard working, and even wears glasses. And she's inarguably one of the most successful women in the entertainment industry.

Why do I bring her up?

Because she loves the musical Annie. One of her first acting jobs was a bit part in a high school showing of it or something, if I remember right.

And she's referenced it twice in 30 Rock. In the first vid she's singing a song from the musical, and she's said in an interview that she sometimes does that in real life while she works. The second is a joke about how New York City immediately corrupts everything that enters it.

So don't be ashamed of your special interests. They're part of what makes you you. And in a few years when you're out in the real world, you will be all you have. Don't lose that. Don't ever lose that.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khk2L4oEOzk[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn0CxuzFyKw[/youtube]
ETA: Actually, I'm wrong, haha. She snuck in a third reference, having a mariachi band cover "NYC". LOL.

http://mariachimusic.com/blog/2012/02/alvaro-paulino-appears-with-tina-fey-on-30-rock/

One other thing you make me think of, jeni.

I'm occasionally a fan of Shadowrun, which was an old roleplaying game world combining sci-fi cyberpunk aspects with magic. The nuances aren't really important.

Point is, one of the novels written in that series was called "Who Hunts The Hunter," in which one of the central characters is a guy named Bandit, who's a very powerful shaman, a spiritual magician. And he follows the raccoon totem, and many of his spells and powers resemble those of a raccoon's. Theft, deception, cleverness, etc. He also seems autistic, and has a hard time connecting with people.

He had left his family as a teenager and never looked back. His sister is introduced as a high level corporate executive who misses her brother and blames herself for driving him away. See, she'd been embarrassed by how he kept playing with raccoon toys and masks as a kid, so she'd tormented him endlessly about it.

When they're reunited in the book as adults, she's no longer embarrassed by him. Instead, she's embarrassed by herself, and by how nasty she was. And she doesn't really understand the man he's become, but she's grown up and she accepts him for who he is. She understands that the raccoon thing is just a part of him, like his toes or his hair or his favorite food. And that the little girl she used to be was wrong to try to change him.

It's a surpsisingly mature theme, and I like the book for how the author plays with the relationship so well. This "mature" corporate professional who's trying to understand and embrace her weird, flighty, obsessed, and extremely powerful, brother.

It's a complete fantasy, but I can say for a fact that much of it rings very true.

One last note, this from C.S.Lewis, famous author of The Chronicles of Narnia:

I hope all of this helps.

You know, I turned around and immediately found one more bit of proof. I was checking the XKCD webcomic for its Wednesday morning update before I went to bed, and saw this:

http://xkcd.com/1176/



For perspective, XKCD is written by Randall Munroe, per wikipedia a "[professional] webcomic author and former NASA roboticist as well as a programmer". He has a degree in physics and has lectured at places such as MIT and Google. His webcomic is known for frequently being EXTREMELY intelligent. Wikipedia mentions the graphic he made of radiation dose effects in the wake of the Fukushima nuclear disaster; that graphic was picked up by many news agencies for its extremely concise and accurate description of a very complicated phenomenon.

A very smart and very successful guy. Again, not some expired milk internet dude.

And the comic he just pushed out ten minutes ago is about what? Avoiding so-called "grown-ups" and instead seeking out people fixated on giant squids.



(ETA: Now, related to your original feeling that you've lost your interest and can't get it back, that's perfectly okay as well. Don't force it. But accept it when it wanders back to you, as it probably will. And be open to new interests as well.)

My impression from your self description is you are on the spectrum. Its not an all or nothing thing of course, with it ranging from light to full blown. My guess for you is that you are about midrange, and not light. Keep up your efforts to get an accurate diagnosis (whatever it does turn out to be) and always remember it is you that will have to live with this, not your grandmother, etc. The truth is the thing, not hopes or expectations as far as medical issues go. If your appendix is bad, it does no good to remove the gall bladder.

I think being fully engaged with the 'Real World' is actually a good thing. If you wish to accomplish things, have a career, relationships, etc, it can only be done in the RL. It is kind of like living in another country with different customs, language, etc. But after a while you learn how to communicate and can get around.

I also value the 'Inner World' and thought it actually necessary to maintain a deep level of satisfaction. I had to hide it at different times, and you come up with little tricks how to do it. I remember early in my military career when I was living in barracks, sharing a room with someone, I kept certain hobby items hidden in my locker (toy soldiers and paints), and mainly used notebooks and written pastimes. The main thing for me was getting enough time away by my self to recharge and allow my brain to wander. Picking up hiking as a quasi-sport (besides many others) covered that aspect well.

A lot of it is self awareness. An NT is like a 10 speed bike. An AS has 10 speeds too, but different ones. The trick is to learn as many of the NT speeds as possible and be a 15 or 18 speed bike, able to shift depending upon the situation. It comes at a cost, as more complicated machines break down more frequently, but that can be overcome by becoming a good self-repair person.

I asked my grandma ( who is my guardian) if she could buy me the book ( not implying anything about autism or telling her what it is about) and she was all for it and impressed, but then two steps back and basically said "it better not be about autism." I tried to explain the autistic world but she denied there was any such thing and refused to listen, calling me crazy and calling the autistic world " a world of insanity.'" So I'm going to try to get the book another way ( maybe ill see if they have it in the library)and hide it from her.

Good luck with finding the book. If you look it up on amazon.com you can look inside and read a few pages.

thanks