I am not allowed to be an adult; mom will not let me

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I do not know where to post this... I am 29 and have Aspergers. I have been medicated since age 5 on Ritalin, right after my dad left my mom. I was in the misdle of a chaotic divorce battle and fought over like an object. When I was 17-118 the law said I am conserved for possibly life. My mom is conservator/possibly guardian.

I am allowed very little, if any say or control of my life; she does not let me travel with her because we fight nearly everyday. She says I am an embarrassment to her family. I can't make phone calls without her monitoring or asking who I talk to. I am not even allowed our of my room except for day program, doctors appointments, or dinner at night. I am not allowed to build credit, or use the ATM card to the checking acct she opened for me. I cannot drive and cannot get a job because of the Aspergers stigma (at least that's what it seems to me). I'm not even allowed to make friends without her knowing.

I'm figuratively chained to a rock waiting for the proverbial Cetus, with no Perseus coming. Someone, anyone...help me....

Does not sound very nice. Any reason why your mother does that?

You went through a divorce so you were married. So, what happened there? It seems you had a period where you were self-reliant no? I really don't understand the terms of her guardianship over a full-grown (29 year old!) adult. Are you suspected to be a danger to yourself or others? Do you feel reasonably capable of looking after yourself? I thought people with AS had normal to high IQs, so I am missing something here. Can you please provide more details so we can better help you?

I suggest you ask about going to voc rehab. so you can get a job.

As a mom to a child w/autism(and an adult w/Autism) I wouldn't chose that unless there was damned good reason. Can you find someone to talk to about this? Perhaps another relative or a friend? I'm probably going to have to become my son's guardian but there is no way I would do that unless my child was totally dependent and couldn't work, live alone, or/and take proper care of himself.

Are you able to do chores, dress yourself, do hygene stuff, go out in public and act appropriately and do you have a high school education? If you have a high school education you might be able to go to college online. Sit down and ask your mother if you could make a chart towards you being "less of a burden on her"aka more independent.

Seems like there's more than just Asperger's Syndrome at play here. People with Asperger's do drive, get jobs, leave their parents, cohabitate, even get married and have kids.

I assume the divorce was the separation of your parents and not yourself?

Perhaps you are better able to express yourself in writing than conversation?
Make a list of issues and the ways you would like them resolved, then give it to your mother and ask her to consider them carefully.
Avoid using any blame or hostile language towards her, explain that you both need a new way of moving forward.
Your mother must care about you as she is still concerned for your safety and provides for your other needs.

If she refuses to consider any changes, I suggest you search for a disability advocate or free legal advice in your area.
Send them a message stating your situation and concerns, and ask for assistance.

Read this: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/ ... 30063.html

Honestly unless you have some serious issue (which Aspergers is not, at least in my non-medical opinion) that prevents you from caring for yourself I don't feel your mother has the right to hold you hostage. You can work regardless of having Aspergers. There are plenty of jobs that don't require much social interaction with people, and I really suggest you try to get a job and start saving money so you can move out of there! What day programs are you talking about? If it is a therapeutic day program, talk to a counselor who might assist you become self-sufficient. There are laws about holding another person hostage. You are no longer a minor and if you are no risk to your own safety or to others' safety then you have legal right to do what you want when you want. It is her house, so if you have to, get yourself to a women's shelter. Call the police to remove you from there safely if you have no way of getting there on your own.

When she's out, start trying to organize moving in with a friend. Or if you can somehow afford it, get a place of your own. I've been looking for a job with little to no social contact but that's been impossible, maybe you'll have better luck. I have heard that the job of the person who plays the movies in the cinema has only a bit of human contact. I don't know what the job is called, though.

Well, you can always ask her how you are going to survive when she dies if she wont let you grow up and become independent.

The best "cure" for autism is to live life, make mistakes and learn from them. That builds experience and confidence and removes lots of stress and anxiety (At least, it has for me). Placing someone in an isolation-bubble that sooner or later bursts is a recipy for disaster.

I had a parent like this,, tried to control my every waking moment,,at 18,,i got work,,, struggled,,,but learned how to fake it for 8 hours a day,, left home,,never looked back for 10 years,, it can be done,,I have supported myself for 35 years now.. my mom even tried to manipulate her estate to force me to move back,, didnt work,,you can do it,, find work,,fake things well enough to keep the job,,save money,,get out,, maybe there are advocates in ur area that can help.

I don't know the whole situation so I can't say for sure, but it sounds to me like your Asperger's is just givng your mom a reason to hang on to you because of some separation anxiety that she has. Did she throw your dad out or did he leave her? Did she ever have any traumatic separations in her childhood? If so, she may be afraid of losing you too, so she makes you think you can't make it on your own. That way you won't have the confidence to strike out on your own.

My mother is kinda doing that with me although not to your extreme. I had a pretty successful life away from home for 25 years. I love my mom dearly, but getting away from her was the best thing that could have happened to me. I grew up a great deal and learned to -- what I know now -- cope with my problems (didn't know about AS then). I had to move back home 4 years ago for financial reasons. After being here this long, I feel like my coping and development has reversed 20 years. Even though she claims she wants me to be an adult, everything she does seems as though she's caring for a child -- and I'm 52! Mom and her siblings were taken from their parents and put in foster homes. Mom was so traumatized by the experience that I think she's trying to hang on to me by making me feel I can't really make it on my own.

My grandmother is overly protective of my dad also. Even though she's 96 and he's 73, she babies him because he has Rheumatoid Arthritis and is disabled from it. In her case, it's a situation of she being very dominating and by telling him he can't do anything, it keeps him under her wing.

Okay it sounds like your mother does not really know how to handle your situation because she herself does not understand. It also sounds like it would be good to get a good support system with other mothers and fathers with adult children living with Asperger's Syndrome. It also would not be bad for her to join a support group where she can get better ideas about what you and she both want. That way you both can decide together and learn how to do things the right way.

Post on boosting independence (in the eyes of family) moved.