Does this make me hypocritical?

Post Reply New Topic

Is it hypocritical to not want to date somebody on the spectrum? I don't think ASD is an attractive trait. I usually only like NTs. Most aspies I know are undateable. I'm not in a relationship right now, but when I am I don't plan to tell my significant other about my ASD.

What if you didn't know? What if the Aspie remained anonymous and you thought he was NT? What if he lied either way? Are your expectations based on pre-cpnceived ideas of what either one should be?

I know at least two people that are undiagnosed aspies... one is a fantastic guy whose company I thoroughly enjoyed! The other guy was smelly, obsessive, demanding and unpleasant.

I can understand your desires... you need someone compatible - and that's someone you CAN have a comfortable conversation with. A high-functioning aspie might still fit the bill... it depends on the person.

I agree with aspiesandra27 and BlueMax. If you unwittingly fell in love with someone on the spectrum, and they revealed later that they were ASD, would that immediately disqualify them?

I doubt I will because most people in the world are NT. I also tend to connect better with NTs.

It's not hypocritical. It would be hypocritical if you said all that and then got mad because all your potential partners told you that they couldn't date you because you weren't NT, were unattractive and worst still, undateable because of your ASD.

If you thought that was unfair treatment then that would be hypocritical. If you think it's fair enough, you're not hypocritical at all, just prejudiced.

No, it's not. You don't have to justify your preferences to anyone.

But I also think that you shouldn't generalize your experience that "most aspies I know are undateable". There may be exceptions.

it depends on the reason why you don't want do date aspies.
if it is purely becouse they are aspie; i'd say it is hypocritycal and perhaps short-sighted.
however, if you know from experience there isn't an aspie you'd want to date, that is just fine, as good or bad a preference as any...

Like vectorspace said, you don't have to justify your preferences. They are what they are and, if you feel that way, you'd be doing someone on the spectrum a disservice by dating them anyway.

I will say though, that not telling your future SO about your aspergers isn't likely to help you much. You'll still have it, it'll still affect your relationship, hiding it will only hinder their ability to understand you.

Yes but everyone has some hypocrisy in them.

I don't find your stated desire hypocritical. What I do find somewhat odd, if not a bit hypocritical, is your desire to seek acceptance from other Aspies. You stated you'd only date NTs because you find ASD to be unattractive; you further stated that you get along with NTs better. All of this begs the question: Why are you even here?

Yes, it does.

@everybody who said yes to the premise of her post: Hold up, how does this make her hypocritical? That's like saying it's hypocritical not to like men because you're a man, or not to like women because you're a woman. And yet, straight people still exist. I:

BTW, I don't consider myself "undateable"...

Because why would you not want to date someone who has the same disability as you? That be like me not liking other aspies when I am one myself or hating thin people when I am one myself or not standing peoples accents when I have one of my own. I can't stand snoring but yet I snore. I can't stand lazy people but yet I'm lazy. I can't stand procrastinators but I am one. Things people do that bug me, I realize I do myself. I know that makes me a hypocrite and I am being honest with myself than lying about it. That would also be like me only wanting a normal person (someone without any disabilities) when I am not normal myself.