Feeling a mile wide and an inch deep

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I literally feel like I'm an "inch deep" sometimes. I've started to realize this is why I have trouble connecting with people. An example is when someone said (very truthfully) "you are so mainstream" (i.e. boring) (about music tastes). I guess it's true. I don't believe I have "personality" in the same way that some others do, like in terms of having a taste in music, or things I like to do, a type of girl I like, or in other words just a sense of, like, beneath a very thi surface, there's literally nothing there!! Oh I may say I have some of these things at some point, but the ideas themselves are unstable and subject to change. Or I may just say I am a certain way or have certain tastes, preferences, or personality characteristics just because that's what normal people have. But it all seems hazy and contrived, like I'm completely fluid.

One reason I don't like people is because I have to work very hard to prevent people from being able to see that there's literally nothing to me, and I can only be successful for short periods of time, and it's exhausting. So I'm so happy to get rid of them!!

Are these aspie traits, or something different?

The counselor who runs the aspie behavioral therapy group I'm in said last week "your social skills seem perfectly good. Why are you even here?" So I told him "maybe on the surface, but I still can't connect with people, even worse than these other guys. Screwed up enough to be virgins at 27 but actually have close friends who care about them. I have never had this. I only have acquaintances or casual friends, and even those don't really last."

And why was I even diagnosed on the ASD spectrum? Was it solely based on the idea that people who have symptoms as children never get off the spectrum? Or did I have social problems that were just easy to fix when I became aware of them and focused on fixing them (thus effectively curing my ASD) and what remains is something totally apart from ASD?

Last edited by Tyri0n on 03 Mar 2013, 7:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Aspies are known to develop later emotionally than NTs. It can take years to find your personality and tastes. You need to experience life, analyse it and let that help you make informed choices. That's all.

I feel like that, too. I have no depth, substance or personality. It's like I might as well not exist because it still wouldn't make any difference. So, naturally I don't connect with anyone deeply because other people don't find anything in me.

The only difference from the OP is that I can't even superficially be social.

Hi Tyri0n! I feel much the same way. I can't pretend to be interested in what others are into, if I am not into it also. And I am unable to bond to other people. Spending time with others is very stressful and draining for me. By choice I am now a hermit. I do talk to the neighbors and others a little when I see them, but I don't seek out contact with other people. I find being a hermit preferable to being more social. It's hard on my extrovert father, though. He can't grasp that some people like being alone, so he thinks my being alone makes me unhappy, and keeps trying to get me to go out and socialize. In a way it's kind of funny, while being annoying, as I am in my mid 50s, and don't even live with my father. I am fortunate enough to live alone!

Just follow your own interests. If others share them, fine. If not, that's okay, too. Everybody has their own set of interests.

I can relate to sometimes believing I don't have a "personality" but it seems to stem from inhibition and self-consciousness rather than literally having nothing to share or say. I can also relate to feeling ashamed of being "boring", "unhip", or "square" or whatever, but I'd feel foolish trying to be something I'm not just to fit some kind of hazy romantic image or something to fit some kind of social role. I don't know. I have at times felt like I adjusted my values or just went along to belong, like laughing along with some "kids" in college when they told really horrible unfunny racist jokes. Now I feel ashamed or embarrassed that I counted some of these people as friends. There were also instances in middle school where I got in trouble for imitating the wrong people. I feel like the older I get the less I try to fit in and the more I accept just being a boring loner.


I suspect that you're terrified of not being accepted and not finding your own niche in life and I sympathize with that. It is a rational fear considering the world we live in. It's a bit worse of you're a man as you're not supposed to have any emotional needs. Our society says to consider yourself lucky if you can get food and a roof over your head, emotions are irrelevant.


I don't think this really has that much to do with autism.


It's probably a combination of things.

Dont worry, most NT males are like that, all they have is Football, take that away and they are like empty man shaped husks.

Maybe I should get football. Then, I'd be a typical NT man.