Depressed when my mom gets mad at me...

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Hello.

I am 13, and started homeschool/online school in January. Public school was a nightmare, so my parents took me out. I had finally gotten used to home life, with my schedule all planned out and everything was great, until my family went on a 3 day vacation. That set the whole thing off.

Now, every day my mom seems to get mad at me for something I do wrong, and she will always say "We're working towards putting you back into public school next year, because this is just not working out."

I don't know how!

So, I always end up seriously anxious, depressed and worried for two reasons: 1) Because my mom is mad at me, and I don't like it when she is mad at me, and 2) Because I don't want to go back to public school... It is in my interest to do what I am doing now through highschool (I go into 9th grade next year)

Reasons it is best for me to continue to do private online school:

1. I work at my own pace, which is faster than the public school pace. The public school system was designed for the average student with no mental disorders and an IQ around 95. My IQ is 142 (labeled "genius" on IQ chart) and I have Aspergers, Synesthesia, OCD, and my parents think ADHD and Bi Polar as well. I get 2-3 days work done in less than a school day time (8 hours) and I still make A's.

2. No social interaction or mean/uncooperative people to distract me. I am alone, at my computer in my room, working by myself in a controlled environment, with no noise except the sound of me typing (which I LOVE!!). Plus I can take breaks to come on here like I am now

3. My job in the future is going to be an independent Android developer from my own home, so I won't have to go to the office. I will continue to do what I am already doing now. Plus I already develop for Android.

4. It is way less stressful. Point blank.

5. Since I want to go to MIT for a Software Engineering degree, I would need to have a portfolio of projects and contributions I have done in able to get accepted into MIT. SOOO if I am online schooled, I will have enough free time to contribute to open source projects, do extra cirricular activities, etc. To increase my chances of getting accepted into MIT.

6. Since reason one states that I can work at my own pace with schoolwork, I can complete two or three days worth of schoolwork in less than the time it takes me to be at school for a day, I should be completing 2-3 years of highschool in one year, and if I work in the summer too, I can complete highschool in one year! Then I could apply for MIT finish college before I'm 20!

7. But I would not have a chance of doing that if I went to public school.

So, I guess this topic went from me getting depressed because my mom is mad at me, to trying to get help convincing my parents to keep me in online school.

Thank you! Any help would be greatly appreciated, and feel free to PM me!

For what reasons does your mother think homeschooling isn't working out?

She has Bi Polar, I have Aspergers... I'm sure you can figure out how we don't get along sometimes

But also, she has a Down Syndrome baby and a loud 2 year old, and she cleans the whole house, and works from home, and gets barely any sleep. I think sometimes she just takes it out on me.

Well, if you are able to finish all your schoolwork as quickly as you say you can, you should have a lot of time leftover during the day to help your mom. Ask her what you could do to make her workload lighter; volunteer to perform a few extra chores (and make sure you aren't making any more work for her by being at home during the day--do you own lunch dishes, etc.) and offer to push the babies around the block in the stroller for half an hour every afternoon so she can get some peace. She'll be a lot happier to have you at home then.

I should have thought of that earlier...

Thank you so much for your advice! I will definitely try that and see how it goes.

to be honest being in school with other kids is better than homeschooling because of the social interaction. im just going to be blunt here. if you avoid social interaction you will NOT improve socially, its really hard to make friends once you are out of school.

But homeschooling doesn't mean social isolation. There are homeschooling groups where home-schooled kids get together for extracurriculars. Then there are the neighbors, and if you go to church, the kids there. Most home-schooled kids get plenty of social skills practice.

Sounds like your mom really needs a break. She's got two disabled kids and a toddler, and she's working as well as being a home-maker, and dealing with her own disability. That sounds really stressful. Have you heard of respite care? That would be where your mom would get somebody to take care of you guys, and she could go and relax. At the very least, the kid with Down syndrome would qualify her for that.

Have you thought of just printing out that first post where you explain things, and giving it to your mom? You're very articulate in writing and it seems you care deeply about your family. It is likely that, since you're the oldest, your mom often relies on you, and you feel some responsibility to help your family out. That's as it should be. But you make a very good case for continuing with home-schooling. You seem to be a natural autodidact, like I was at that age--you don't need much teaching; you naturally soak up information simply because it interests you. You are also twice-exceptional, both gifted and disabled, and that makes a mainstream classroom rather unsuited for you. I think you're right: Home-schooling would be a good idea, especially if you can find one of those home-school associations where you can get things like field trips, group activities, clubs, and specialized classes like biology lab.

You also seem to be very aware of your mother's side of the problem: She's tired and overworked, and she wants you to go to school so that she'll have some break from at least one of her children. The problem is that school would not be the ideal educational environment for you at this point. She cares about you; you care about her; but your needs and her needs are conflicting, and that sounds like a very frustrating position to be in.

Find some time when the little ones are having their naps and your mom is relaxed, and have a good long conversation with her. Maybe you'll even have to schedule this, considering how hectic your mom's life is. The goal is to find something that works for both of you. Perhaps she needs more help around the house, and that would take some of the pressure off her. Conversely, maybe you could simply agree to stay in your "office" until the school day would normally end, and to take care of your own breakfast and lunch. (If you can do this, of course. Some of us do have trouble feeding ourselves properly. But a sandwich and some fruit isn't hard to arrange, even if you are autistic and thirteen.) That would keep you out of her hair. When you have some experience, you could possibly even design your own curriculum. Many home-schooled kids do. There are distance-learning schools that will give you a set of textbooks, pre-written tests and quizzes, and workbooks. From that, you don't need to be a professional teacher to decide what you need to learn. I did that as a kid and I didn't have too many gaps--primarily, I was behind in the higher math, because I left for college when I was seventeen and never got the chance to take trigonometry.

Some people go to school half-days. That is an option you might be able to look into, depending on whether it would work for you.

The best approach here is for you and your mom to team up to take on this problem together. She wants a good education for you, and you want the same. That's your goal. If you start arguing, back away and cool down before you get angry at each other. You're family, and you stick together. Somehow, you'll find a way.

Another thing that some people do is home schooling centers one or more day a week - places where homeschool students go and learn stuff together. The one I know about locally is for gifted students.

Callista, thank you so much for your insight.

I agree with everything you have said and will definitely follow through with every little pointer you gave me.

And Yes, I can make my own meals (I'm more HFA if anything:). However, I normally get up around 7:30 and help her out until about 8:30 then I eat breakfast and go to do my schoolwork, i'm done by 11:30 usually then I eat lunch, help her out a bit more, and play on my tablet. Around 1:30 I go back up to my room for my free time while the boys are napping (the house is clean, and the boys are napping, so there is nothing to do, so we agreed this was my free time) and by 3:30 if not later I go downstairs and have a snack, help out, go back on and off my computer, etc.

So, I would like to think I help out quite a bit, but she also has to do a lot of this alone, as my dad is a police officer who works over 80 hours a week, night shifts too, so he's gone at night mostly (leaving her with the baby) and sleeps when he can during the day, because he can't usually get more than four hours of sleep every two days. He still helps out with the kids.

However, I would consider me being home helpful and beneficial. I try to understand her, but it's hard, with her being off her meds, she can be a bit crazy, and me having Aspergers, she told me (in a nice tone of voice) that "You have the emotional maturity of a 7 year old, honey." That's probably true. But I have the intellectual maturity of a college student. Also what she said.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this much, or where I'm getting to, as I have already forgotten the point I was trying to get to considering I have gotten off topic.

Well, thank you very much though, Callista. You are the most helpful person I have ever met on WrongPlanet, and one of the most understanding people I have ever met.

What happened during the 3 day vacation? Maybe she's reacting to that more than how the homeschooling is going...

Another thing that might have happened is that you might have done something to embarrassed your mom or your whole family while you were on vacation. Being that you have aspergers. It's very easy to do something inappropriate and not be aware of it and even if someone tells you what you are doing is inappropriate. You may not understand why it is. Consider yourself lucky that you get home schooling and like it because I will tell you one thing. Don't let you mother put you back into public school or even private or boarding school for that matter. Those are even worse.

She has decided that it is in my best interest to go to high school next year... So I'm going back to public school.

They don't seem to understand me as much as I thought they did.

Perhaps you could look around on greatschools.org and see if there is a charter school in your area that appeals to you. (Charter schools are public schools and free to attend.) In our area, there is one where the kids essentially do online school on computers at the school (which is actually a couple of rooms in a strip mall). Or one of these hybrid schools where you attend 3 days a week and work at home 2 days a week. Or one that has "project-based" education. Your parents have the final decision, of course, but if you approach it cautiously, you might be able to say, "Hey Mom, have you heard about Charter School XYZ? Could we take a look at it to see if it would be a good fit for me?"

Zette, those sound amazing!

I am going to check them out right now!