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justkillingtime
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05 Mar 2013, 6:13 pm

Many people with depression say "I want my old self back". I have not read of anyone who feels that depression is a major part of who they are and have always been.


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MrStewart
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05 Mar 2013, 7:20 pm

It is difficult for me to say specifically. I can estimate and say depression started to become a major problem in my mid teenage years (i am 29 now). The reason I have difficulty saying exactly is that there were many family difficulties for me during that time also, so some of that would be more traumatic stress than depression.

Depression would follow fairly regular patterns for me. Always three or four periods of depression lasting a few weeks to as much as a couple months per year, with constant low energy and low mood being my average mood as opposed to an exception. When I was assessed, my p-doc chose to list it as Dysthymia and also MDD listed as in remission due to medication.

Because this is evidently more along the lines of a depressive personality disorder according to pdoc, as opposed to MDD which is more distinct and critical depressive episodes, it is likely I will need to remain on medication for the rest of my life.



DerStadtschutz
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05 Mar 2013, 7:34 pm

Hmmm... That's a difficult one. On one hand, I started becoming somewhat depressed as soon as I realized the fact that some day I was going to graduate, and so would all of my friends, and that we would just drift apart. That made me sad when I thought about it, but I didn't see the world as one gigantic pile of confusing BS. I think the real depression started when my best friend died from a drug overdose, and then shortly after, all my friends just sorta dissolved into non-existence. Sure, they're still around, but they apparently wanted nothing to do with me for months, maybe a year or more. A few eventually tried to come back around, but they mostly wanted to use me for things when they did. And some of them, I simply refused to try and reconnect with.

The depression comes and goes(usually goes away when I enter into a new relationship and then starts up again about 6 months into the relationship, or when the woman I'm with decides she can't stand me anymore, whichever comes first), but it seems like each time it comes back, it's harder and harder to shake it off. As time goes by, I feel like everything gets shittier in some way, or I become more aware of the shittiness that exists on this planet, which makes it harder to ignore and enjoy the things I normally would.

Edit: actually, now that I think about it, I've been depressed to some extent pretty much my entire life. I've always felt like my parents favored my brothers over me, and it clearly shows these days, much more clearly than ever. Everything I do is always "wrong..."



Lucywlf
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05 Mar 2013, 8:37 pm

My depression isn't chronic; it comes and goes. However, the first time I can remember having that feeling was when I was five.



ghoti
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05 Mar 2013, 8:59 pm

29 when i first felt it really bad, and it still continues.



Sweetleaf
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05 Mar 2013, 9:48 pm

justkillingtime wrote:
Many people with depression say "I want my old self back". I have not read of anyone who feels that depression is a major part of who they are and have always been.


I actually do feel similar to that, I don't remember not being depressed since I have been for so long. I doubt I was born with depression but I might as well have been. Of course some times it's much more severe than other times but I am never without it.


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alpineglow
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05 Mar 2013, 9:50 pm

For me around 12 or so. With a big increase about 16 years old. It comes and goes, I am supposed to be tracking it in case it's bi-polar.



MjrMajorMajor
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06 Mar 2013, 12:36 am

Eight or nine. When I was diagnosed, I was told I don't remember how to feel normal. Not that they helped me much.



RaspberryFrosty
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06 Mar 2013, 1:08 am

I have a mood disorder called dysmythia which is essentially low grade depression. In order to be diagnosed with it, the depression must be present for two years.


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YellowBanana
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06 Mar 2013, 11:56 am

I don't know. Certainly it was so long ago that I have no concept of what my "old self" was, so no idea how I'll know when I'm better. Maybe this is my "old self". I bloody hope not though 'cos it's as miserable as hell.


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cavernio
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06 Mar 2013, 4:01 pm

Final year of highschool. I didn't know it then, it started off pretty subtle, but the summer that followed and first year of university there was no mistaking it.
For me it is entirely different from being sad about things. I have little desire except biological needs, like sleep and food. I think I technically was depressed in junior high for a year, but that was because of being the loser in class, and I was happy when I was on vacation. That went away with that year of school, and I got some other friends.

In any case, I know people who I would call depressed their entire lives, family members. It's like they don't consider themselves depressed and consider it a part of their personality and identity. When there's the suggestion that there's something wrong with them, they get hugely offended like you're not accepting of who they are. My dad in particular once said that his intelligence (he is pretty smart)requires some sort of deep psychological pain. *shakes head*
That sort of thinking isn't that far off from people who have aspergers and who feel like they're superior to people, or from someone who doesn't want an autism diagnosis; except that I can see absolutely no benefit from being depressed. Being miserable's a pretty awful thing to claim as part of who you are.

In any case, I think my depression stems from celiac disease. I was diagnosed with it about a year ago. The damage in my intestines was very bad, and I suspect I probably developed it that last year of highschool, and the 13 years since then it's been malnutrition mixed with the auto-immune response itself that has likely attacked parts of my brain.


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Ann2011
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06 Mar 2013, 5:50 pm

Grade 5 when I was 10 years old. That's the first time I considered suicide.



rebbieh
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07 Mar 2013, 12:49 am

I think I was probably around 12 years old. Still depressed (I'm 22 now).



kembleman
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07 Mar 2013, 2:30 am

I was 11 and i have been this way since then.


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Raziel
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07 Mar 2013, 3:05 am

MrStewart wrote:
It is difficult for me to say specifically. I can estimate and say depression started to become a major problem in my mid teenage years (i am 29 now).


The same.
I was 14 or 15 I guess and now I'm 29.

One of the reasons is me being transgender and propably also me being bipolar.
Back then I even had both suspicions about myself, being 15, but I didn't think back then it would be really possible.


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uwmonkdm
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07 Mar 2013, 6:59 am

Once I started school and got bullied, and my father died.. so like, 5 years old?
23 now, and it comes n goes.