Should i fight it out

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Ok today was the appraisal with my supervisor and Manager
They have rated me below expectation for my personal interaction
and rapport builiding part

this part of appraisal adds up to 30% of overall scores
A below average there points out to a sorry figure

But it was predictable and anticipated

I was wondering whether i should fight it out
and tell them that the below average scores
doesnt justify

Because though im recluse and self absorbed i perform well
i complete my task on time, i am creative, hardworking, sincere
and i help others

so overall i am very productive
just that i dont socialise much.

I'm somewhat similar. I will help someone with a specific task. In fact, I kind of like an activity-related conversation.

What I'm not as much into is diffuse small talk where it kind of bounces from one diffuse topic to another. And when I "try" to engage in small talk, I usually end up just standing there being awkward. Which I think is actually worse.

Companies should accept that some people just aren't real big on small talk, and that is okay.

Well, regardless of what companies should do . . . they can be very specific and narrow about "fitting in," in spite of all their big pronouncements about diversity.

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Okay, I'm assuming this is a corporate environment.

If so, you want to be very strategic. Understate from a position of confidence, and don't let them know they've rattled you. Maybe have a statement ready such as, 'Okay, so I'm not the most sociable person. Some people are big on small talk, and some people aren't."

Importantly, do you have someone at the company who can act as a mentor? If so, run it past them in an understated way (letting the energy be there, but low-key, kind of like an iceberg, where it is present but 9/10s of it is under the water), thereby giving this person a chance to fight or effectively advocate on your behalf.

morning i tried to access the site and it showed i was banned from it

so i could check the contents

i went for the appraisal today with my project head. The issue came up again that im not social and
not mixing up.

She asked me whether i agree to it. I told that the entire page about social expectation is irrelevant
Because there are many people who are extremely social but they are not good workers
they can build great rapport but utterly sloppy in work
i gave her example of people who were sacked but they had good team building and rapport skills

But finally she still asked me to improve and work on my social skills

if the query comes up again since my final appraisal is still remaining with our Trustee
i will again ask to scrap the social rapport part.

what say???

I don't think that was the right approach. Rather than talking about people with good social skills who did bad work, you should have talked about your own good work even with bad social skills. Bringing up the bad work of other people sounds catty. Bringing up your own good work sounds professional. When this comes up again, discuss your own good work but don't say anything negative about other people.



You may need to disclose your diagnosis in order to get them to do that, in which case scrapping that would be an accomodation. If you ask them to scrap it without disclosing your diagnosis it will look like you simply want them to disregard the stuff you aren't good at without giving them any reason why they should do that. That you consider it irrelevent will not be accepted as a reason.

yes everything sounds complicated and confusing
instead its better i agree to my weakness
and fakingly say i will improve

Namaste, maybe you should consider looking for a new job. Not all jobs will grade on social interaction like this. I know it's hard to have a job at all, but you have nothing to lose besides your precious time and energy for looking for a new job. Of course, you still want enough energy and stuff for your current job, but if you don't try, then you haven't gained anything more.

wherever i go i face the same problem of poor social skills
and i have been thrown out many times and here im being warned not thrown out

Okay, so the project head might not want to overrule the manager and supervisor. And that might be the majority of the social situation, so be it.

So, a backup plan might be to allow them to go through the pantomime of identifying a problem which is then corrected.

What if you ask a co-worker: Hi, if we work on this together, can you send an email (to supervisor*) that we worked well together and I was helpful?

Some people will be open to this and happy to do this, whereas other people will shy away not wanting to get involved with officialdom. My guess is that it will be about 50-50 regarding how people respond, and that's okay. And 50-50 means there will be streaks both ways, and that's okay, too.

*Generally, you want to show respect and get the supervisory person who is currently lowest on the totem pole on your side and matter-of-factly advocating on your behalf. Of course, myriad exceptions.

i am not close to any coworker to ask such a favour
i feel hurt and depressed inside
and i think i prefer taking tutions at home rather then going through this grind of being
questioned on my social ability skills

Hi, I don't think you've made any big mistakes so far. Even the part where you talk about people no longer with the company who were sociable but not particularly good at their jobs, somewhat of a risky move, but may actually turn out to be a good move.

It's like a poker tournament, where you haven't made any big mistakes, still have a medium size chip stack, and there's still a lot of poker left to play.

And please consider disclosing. One way might be to say, I am beginning the process of getting a diagnosis for Asperger's Syndrome. Now, they might use this as an occasion to hurry up and fire you. Or, they might not dare. I'm sure you know enough about the world to realize it is risky. But it may be among the least risky alternatives!

thanks it was risky but i had to speak out my heart. I couldnt understand how social skills and communication skills actually makes a better employee.
i have disclosed that i have asperger during the mock interviews to my manager.
They didnt fire me or such but i guess they didnt take it seriously.
They thought probably i am bluffing or joking

NTs will be obsessed with social interaction until the end of time. It's just the way they are.

The reason the social page is included probably has something to do with the fact that NTs prefer to work in an environment where their need for chit-chat is satisfied. At work, they want to talk to their colleagues as well as get the job done.

If socialising is not your thing, no one has the right to tell you you have to. Perhaps you should try looking for a job at another place where your hard work is more appreciated. Don't quit until you have the other job though: better to be in a mediocre job than unemployed.

I dont get jobs easily. I remember calling up the HR personnel in this company several times inorder to be called in for a interview
I need to accept that i am different, quite, weird but yes they dont need to keep telling me that.

Getting employment, to a large extent, is a numbers game. The more places you contact, the more likely you are to get a job. Just keep it in the back of your mind that *eventually*, even if it takes a while, you can get out of there. However, if you think your current workplace is not that bad, you could stay.

I think this thread actually belongs in the working section. But anyway. Here is what I do, when ever you are talking to any co-worker. They ask for a pen or a "quick question" (I hate those) then you make a note of it on a piece of paper and write it into your log book (date & time). Yes log everything anything (except meetings of course). Next time they ask about your social nature, throw this log book at them. Put the date and time in there. Because they cannot "see" how you are socially. They tried to do the same with me and I had these events recorded and it goes into my file.

EDIT: They want to see you do more than just your job. So that they can justify the increase. They always have a reason nullify your increase. It reminds me of the movie Office Space, about the flyers Jennifer Aniston had to wear when she was playing a waitress. You have to be really social to be a Sales Person, like a Waitress or over the counter etc. I had the exact same problem when I started working. I told them, I do exactly what they wanted me to do... no but you should be doing more... more what?... [read between the lines].. uh having a positive attitude and approachable and stop and take the time to listen to other people.

thats hilarious but probably i should start doing that also