Do you set boundaries for yourself in relationship?

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Smallie
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13 Mar 2013, 12:10 am

I'm new to WP and so excited to have found a resource like this. I'll preface this post by saying that I am female, mid 20s and undiagnosed.
I've been in a relationship with my aspie for 6 months now and it finally feels like we're settled. The beginning was tumultuous and confusing for me as I'd never dated anyone with AS before ( that I know of).

We are now pretty happy. i had to establish some boundaries for myself- when i start to feel like I'm depending on him to fill my time or make me happy- I usually take a day or two away from him to " get centered".
Does anyone else find themselves creating theses kind of boundaries in their relationships? What kind of boundaries do you set for yourself and/or your partner?

As an aside, my bf seems to think I have AS too but I've never really entertained the idea. Where's the best place to get more information?


Thanks in advance!


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Last edited by Smallie on 13 Mar 2013, 1:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

ScottC
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13 Mar 2013, 12:48 am

yes, its healthy to spend time by yourself on your own activities and with your own friends, everyone i know gets into arguments if they spend 24 hours a day together for more than a day or two. good to take time with other people to refresh and recharge..

take the aq test:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html



BN1111
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13 Mar 2013, 1:04 am

Good question.

Boundaries are easier for some, and difficult for others. I've been working on having healthy boundaries my entire life, but particularly the past two years, working with a therapist. What have I learned? Having healthy boundaries is essential to ANY relationship, including the one you have with yourself.

Biggest lesson I've learned in my life, and lesson I'm most grateful for, is the conviction giving an honest yes/no to others and myself. If I need alone time (which I do more often than most) I need to be honest with a "No, I'm not up for spending time right now. I need a bit of time to myself." Instead of bumbling around when someone asks if I'd like something, such as a cold drink of sorts, I need to say and honest 'yes'. It makes life 100% easier. It makes relationships 100% trustworthy (as long as both parties have made the agreement). It makes loving others (and oneself) 100% simpler. I find boundaries are an honest 'no', with an opportunity to become a yes, on my terms. And as you said about being 'centered' - sooo important!! :0)

Cheers~

b.


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faithfilly
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13 Mar 2013, 9:47 am

Smallie wrote:
What kind of boundaries do you set for yourself and/or your partner?

The most challenging boundary I've had to establish for myself was to put an end to being invalidated.
Quote:
Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. It is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life.

These is a lot of useful information about this topic at --> eqi.org