Alone or with another? Displays of affections

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I am curious about how many of those with an AS or HFA diagnosis hate to be alone?
Are you happy to be engaged in solitary pursuits, but in the company of others?

And are you fairly comfortable in one-on-one social situations, but uncomfortable in groups?

I heard a discussion of neurotypicals and Aspergians in relationships and the idea was presented that Aspergians would not show affection and the NT partner should be prepared for a relationship that was more like a business partnership.

This is utterly unlike my diagnosed son or my self. He is very affectionate--likes snuggling and hugging.
If the lack of affectionate gesture is a sort of required feature of AS, then there has been a misdiagnosis. Or is this a "when you've met one aspie, then you have met just one aspie" sort of thing?

Just curious what people think about this.

I, for one, have never really had issues showing affection assuming I am close to that person. I'd love nothing more than to have a woman that accepts/understands me and I would be able to show love for, plan date nights, surprise with flowers, notes etc. etc.

Both my son and I are diagnosed and we are totally affectionate. I've read that it's a sensory thing. Some people find being touched difficult to tolerate and some people love it. I've always been under sensitive to touch and so I love it. I've embarrassed NT boyfriends with too much PDA But for an aspie or autsie who is extremely sensitive a little affection could be too much. With me noise is the thing I can't tolerate well. What's interesting is that if I'm in a loud environment my I loose almost all sense of touch. A place like a night club would be dangerous for me as I often can't feel my body.

But to be clear being anti-affectionate is not a prerequisite for diagnoses. Sensory issues are common with us but they aren't the main traits. Obsessive behaviours, Social imagination and communication difficulties are the big three.

Having said all that I like a lot of alone time. I like to do my own thing but know that someone I like is close by.

I have a strong preference for being by myself, but I don't mind a little bit of company if there is people around me.

For many there's a lack of showing affection, but for some, like your son or my nephew or one of my friends, there's still an issue with affection but it's almost a polar opposite trait in the sense that there seems not to be a way for them to tell when there is an appropriate time to show affection & will hug whomever they want whenever, wherever, for whatever reason or no reason at all vs. be shy and not want to show affection because they don't know how and get nervous or anxious about making a social mistake about it. While it's very different from the typical AS lack of showing affection, it's been documented enough to be a recognized AS trait & is fairly common.

My mother quite likes that her grandson hugs her all the time, but it poses a potential problem for him if he doesn't realize it's socially inappropriate to hug his classmates while on the playground. He's going to have to learn better ways to identify social cues so as to behave in ways that his peers accept him.

As for my friend, I don't know what he was like growing up as a child as I never knew him then, but now in his later 20's he's the kind of happy guy that greets all of his friends with a hug, and often greets customers at one of his jobs the same way - and everyone quite likes that about him. So, it doesn't necessarily pose a problem to be that way throughout your life, it just needs to be under control and balanced so that it comes out in an appropriate way among people who are positively receptive to it - and then it can be a very good thing. I must admit, I quite like that about him - it's so much better than a handshake, and just part of experiencing him as a friend.

This pretty much describes both me and my son, though for us "close by" would be "in the room, or the next room."

I usually dislike driving alone.

I prefer to go for walks with company, though often not talking but just being.

Goldfish21, I don't think this is quite the same thing. My son is very demonstrative with affection for his family--but not with strangers.

His social issues are all about groups and not knowing how to be in or work with them, either playing on the weekend or in projects at school. He likes to be with one other person, perhaps two. Three is a little much unless they are his close friends. More than that he starts to get very stressed, though he can get by if he can focus on something despite the crowded context.

Again, we are quite alike in this.

I don't hate being alone, but I do get lonely sometimes. I seem to have a higher tolerance for aloneness than most NTs, but I am interested in interaction at times. Basically, I'm an extreme introvert. (Note that this doesn't mean I don't act sociable when I am interacting - I tend to talk people's ears off, but then I need alone time to recharge.)



Yes. It's a mark of someone I feel really close to, that I can relax enough to engage in parallel activities without feeling like I need to keep interacting to show I'm interested in them. I'm kind of like a cat in this - cats will often show they like you by simply sitting down near you or following you from room to room, without actually interacting.



Yes, yes, yes! I do great one-on-one, but I really struggle at conversing with more than one person at once. I either get left out or talk too much.

My son and I are both on the spectrum (diagnosis pending), and we both like a fair amount of affectionate. Although, I'm not sure what exactly is considered affectionate! My son will happily give out kisses if asked (hugs too, but he only recently started tolerating those). The only thing is, he absolutely has to kiss every single person in the room, not just the person who asked.
As for me, the hand-holding and constant touching that some couples do would really bother me, but no one has ever accused me of being not being affectionate enough. I suppose I would say that I enjoy it, but only in moderation, and only from immediate family or a few very close friends. I certainly don't like it when strangers or acquaintances try to hug me. I guess you could say that I prefer to have all of my needs for affection and touch met by only one person, I find it more predictable and comfortable that way.
As for being alone, I would certainly prefer it over spending time with most of the people I encounter; however, once I manage to form a strong relationship with someone (over a period of years), I prefer to spend lots of time with them, almost to an excess (or so I've been told). I agree with a previous poster, in that I like to do my own thing, but with others nearby.

On reflection, I think this has to do with finding the company of trusted others a relief from certain kinds of anxiety that my son and I both suffer from. When not anxious, I like to be alone. I love walking on the beach alone and can do this for hours.



This describes us perfectly.



Again, this is a an accurate portrayal of us.

I guess the official diagnosis is probably right, then.