Has anyone else reached the point where they need a life.

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Alright a bit of a back story, 169 days ago I realized I was severely withdrawn from the social world around me, it'd had been between 3-4 years since I had anything resembling a social life.

So October 1st I came out of denial and realized I had aspergers. Anyways I dropped out of school, and have moved back in with my parents.

Anyways I've been working things through lately and it has occured to me I really need to start building a new life for myself.

Meeting new friends, getting a girlfriend, finding a place to find home, getting a education, etc.

Anyone else feel this way?

An NT's idea of a good life would probably be hell for any aspie. Getting a life that suits us, though, I support that. There is little precedent though, so we have to be trailblazers to some extent.

I've gone through rebuilding my life before. It always sucks when you hit rock bottom and have to start over. My advice is to only do one thing at a time. You had a whole list. To me perusing education while staying with family might be good if your parents are easy to live with. Whatever you chose to do don't put so much pressure on yourself that you feel like a failure before you've even gotten started. The great thing about knowing you're an aspie is that you can start being patient and supportive of your needs. Good luck. I think we've all been there before.

Yeah I donno, I've been avoiding the world around me for a very long time. I don't particularly enjoy it, but I'm starting to think it's not so healthy for me to write off my surroundings.

As far as one step at a time, I donno about that. I think they are all things that kinda need to be done at the same time. Making friends, finding a place to call home and dating typically go hand in hand. Granted the education issue is slightly different but who knows.

Except for finding a place to find home, getting a education, you are spot on.

The way you describe it, it doesn't seem like you truly want these things, just that you think you should have them.

I've been aware that I need to do something about my situation for quite a long time. I just don't have the will power to take action. I've pretty much given up having friends, but I still should be improving other aspects of my life, such as a better job, a better place to live in etc. Those things are just daunting. I don't know where to start.

I don't, I also didn't wanna stop using a baby bottle when I was a child either, and yet I have little regrets there.

I don't think it's too healthy to be so avoidant of something that has such a serious strain on ones mental health. Aside from that there was a time when I actually enjoyed being social.

It isn't that hard. An NT's life isn't always about attending big massive social gatherings every day of their life. In fact fewer NTs that I know do that, unless they are rich and extremely confident. The average NTs life that I know of is just mundane; going to work (full or part time), relaxing indoors in most evenings (maybe a lot of NT youngsters like to go out on week-end nights but you don't have to do that to live a life), maybe meeting some friends when they can arrange it, and that's about it really. A lot of people are usually tied down with a family, but I have met quite a few NTs who have never had kids and aren't married. Life is really about doing things you enjoy, and meeting people through that. It might be tough at first, but you've just got to push yourself a little. I've done voluntary work in the last 5 years and I've met people through that. I have a paid job aswell, part-time, but paid jobs are hard to come by and I don't know what your financial circumstances are because I don't know you, but I'm sure you will find some people to talk to. Just broaden your horizons a little. I don't do a lot with my life and I don't have as many friends as I feel I should have, but I still feel my life is as mundane and normal enough as the next person's.

I guess the question is - why do you think you should be more social?

Is it that you think you'd be happier in the long run, even though it's scary now?

Or is it that you think it's a bad thing not to be very social?

Don't force yourself to do something that doesn't suit you just because NTs say it's good. That way lies misery, and you won't be able to keep it up. There are aspies who have died trying to be NT (suicide, or not getting help they need for survival-relevant issues).

But if you genuinely think it would be good for you - not who you wish you could be, but who you really are - then don't hesitate to push yourself if you need to.

I can identify with you. It's important to get past the denial in all cases I think. A good step you've taken.

You need to make a decision about what is important for you...what kind of life do you want to look back on when you turn 70?

Money, power, looks vs. romance, warmth, compassion. Not like you should pick one side, but going to one of the sides does exclude the other to some degree in my experience...in some sense it does become an AS vs NT decision when you have Aspergers.

Sacrifice for your survival (more money, friends, social status etc.) vs. staying 'comfortable' in a more autistic state (with depression a likely side effect).

I feel the same way.
I have been working for a long time but never really liked the jobs I had.
However, I have not had a job for two years now. Life without a job seemed great at first, almost like a prolonged and
stress free vacation. What a relief! The problem I have now is that I don't know what to do with my time anymore after two years of umemployment. I am chronically bored and I am starting to feel useless and worthless. I don't know what to do with my time and it is getting more and more difficult to motivate myself to do something useful. Days and hours pass by while I am sitting on the couch doing nothing. My (special) interests are slowly disappearing and my life seems to be getting more and more superficial and empty by the day. I live like a total hermit which I actually like and need. The disadvantage of that lifestyle is that I am feeling more and more estranged from the rest of the world.

In the present economical climate it will be difficult for me to find a new job. The competition of jobseekers who don't have aspergers is overwhelming and another complication is that my age will not make it any easier to find a new job either.
Besides, I want my employers to know that I have aspergers because I have experienced that it makes my working life easier for me and (ultimately) for them as well. Anyway, they are going to find out soon enough when I don't tell them.

I realize that I am certainly not the only with this problem. There are millions of people who don't have aspergers or other ailments who are having a hard time finding a job as well, so I am aware of the fact that I should stop nagging.

There is no way that I am going to do volunteer work. That is against my principles. If people think I am cabable enough to do volunteer work I should also be able to find a payed job like I did before. The whole point of working is the paycheck as far as I'm concerned. Not exactly a positive mentality but I have lost the illusion that my work has to give me some kind of personal fulfillment and joy a long time ago. At the moment I am prepared to do any job that I can possibly get.

To make a long story short. I have not idea what to do. The annoying and weird expression "get a life" seems to be appropriate in my case. The problem is that I haven't got the slightest idea how to achieve that.

i'm totally in the same boat as you for a while i had friends (not good friends but that's another story) and was reasonably sociable but that backfired last year and i spent most of my holidays doing nothing and feeling crap anyway i started study at a polytech long story short it didn't work out well so i quit it and now i'm in the same position you are in it a though and tough world out there especially for aspies i think the most important thing you can do is push yourself to get out there and do things

Yep.

I've been working on my health in many ways the last 5-6 months, had a bit of a slow down due to illness and a death in the family, but am getting back on track and am now feeling like it's time to move on and get a life again, starting with a new & better job w/ full time hours vs. the two part time ones I have now. Mind you, I may not be able to make that move happen for another few weeks or so until I have a car again, but whatever, soon.. soon. I've had enough of being stagnant and complacent and need to get out of my comfort zone and into something better, more interesting, higher paying & work ever closer towards a better self sufficient life.