Is my aspergers getting worse with age?

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

MikeW999
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 143

24 Mar 2013, 11:42 am

Seriously. I am a 22 year old guy, I am unemployed, a virgin, no college degree and can't hold a conversation. I am 6 feet tall and have been told I am good looking, it doesn't help at all. I am so depressed and only comfortable at home.

Just several summers ago, I had a far easier time socializing, I enjoyed my time at the beach with friends, I don't know if it possible with the current me.

I have really went down hill mentally starting around 2006 - 2007 and I am getting worse every year.

I don't enjoy life anymore, I am very anxious and keep wondering how I will turn 23 this year and I am a loser. I used to be very ambitious with computers and life, this has all changed, I do not know what it is. It is so uncontrollable that best friends I used to be so comfortable around I would act any way I wanted, I have now stopped talking to. Same with family.

I am so uncomfortable in my own skin. How do I get the old me back?



faithfilly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 680

24 Mar 2013, 12:21 pm

I went downhill from 1966 until 2007. That's 42 years wasted on being discontent while trying to be someone I wasn't in the hope of getting ahead with my life instead of feeling like everything I did I messed up. From the time I was 16 until 25, I thought I had friends (on and off). Now in hindsight I realize those people were only friends because it was what I wanted to believe. They were only around when there was something I had that they wanted. For example, I had a swimming pool. They were around when the weather was hot. I had a horse. They were around until my horse threw them off. I had a car. They were around until they had a car. Etc., etc.

I will never again have a swimming pool or horse, but I'm okay with that. I have a car, but so does practically everyone else. I don't even have the money to buy gas to drive anywhere other than where I must go when I must go there. I went from a middle-class lifestyle into poverty. I went from being physically very attractive in my youth to now being an 'old' woman in a society that believes aged women must have cosmetic dentistry and plastic surgery.

I can easily be depressed if I think about how much is now gone in my life. I will never get back time (no one can). My life could have been much better had I known what I have had to learn the hard way.

However, all these things that could be depressing to most people built the bridge I needed to acquire a happiness I now have which I would never trade for anything. The contentment I now have didn't come without pain, suffering, and effort.

I suggest instead of thinking about how to get the old you back, think about how to create a new you that will make you satisfied with who you are. You don't need a job, college degree, or social life to do this. You do need to shed your negative perspective on Aspergers. Aspies are a different breed of people. I often think of Aspies being like a rare tropical fish or flower compared against common fish or flowers. Of course NTs wouldn't agree, but they can ask me if I care. I'll tell them their opinion of me is not what determines my appreciation for who I am.

P.S. – I have 3 college degrees and they all have proven to be worthless as far as earning me money. I basically have only one friend in this world, but I will never be able to visit him (nor him me). He is an Aspie who doesn't share my faith. All we can to is write to each other and skype periodically.


_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


Last edited by faithfilly on 24 Mar 2013, 5:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

24 Mar 2013, 12:30 pm

MikeW999 wrote:
Seriously. I am a 22 year old guy, I am unemployed, a virgin, no college degree and can't hold a conversation. I am 6 feet tall and have been told I am good looking, it doesn't help at all. I am so depressed and only comfortable at home.

Just several summers ago, I had a far easier time socializing, I enjoyed my time at the beach with friends, I don't know if it possible with the current me.

I have really went down hill mentally starting around 2006 - 2007 and I am getting worse every year.

I don't enjoy life anymore, I am very anxious and keep wondering how I will turn 23 this year and I am a loser. I used to be very ambitious with computers and life, this has all changed, I do not know what it is. It is so uncontrollable that best friends I used to be so comfortable around I would act any way I wanted, I have now stopped talking to. Same with family.

I am so uncomfortable in my own skin. How do I get the old me back?


I don't know if your AS is getting worse. But it's pretty common to develop social anxiety at around age 18, which is maybe what happened to you. Early 20's are when most co-morbids develop. Mine just started developing in my mid-20's for a variety of reasons, but yeah, I think that's what happened to you. It could also be diet or vitamin related. I developed depression much more severely than it should have been due to a Vitamin D deficiency which was picked up in a blood test. Some deficiencies can make your sensory issues worse too.

I'd say (1) get tested for deficiencies and (2) if nothing comes up look into co-morbids.



Urist
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 8 Feb 2013
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom

24 Mar 2013, 12:49 pm

Asperger's itself doesn't get worse with age, but comorbid conditions can emerge. Depression due to a lack of friends or an inability to focus on an interest, avoidant or schizoid personality disorders from confusion with people and emerging suspicion of people, social anxiety for the same kind of reason, etc. It's also possible that you've developed some kind of intolerance or deficiency. I'd recommend going to a doctor and being checked for those in addition to seeing if you can see a psychologist. Not enjoying life would hint towards depression for me, but I'm no professional. You did say that you 'felt depressed' yourself, and that would definitely be worth getting help with.


_________________
Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard. Be evil.


CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

24 Mar 2013, 12:54 pm

Urist wrote:
Asperger's itself doesn't get worse with age, but comorbid conditions can emerge. Depression due to a lack of friends or an inability to focus on an interest, avoidant or schizoid personality disorders from confusion with people and emerging suspicion of people, social anxiety for the same kind of reason, etc. It's also possible that you've developed some kind of intolerance or deficiency. I'd recommend going to a doctor and being checked for those in addition to seeing if you can see a psychologist. Not enjoying life would hint towards depression for me, but I'm no professional. You did say that you 'felt depressed' yourself, and that would definitely be worth getting help with.


Holy s*it, a 15 year old wrote that.



shubunkin
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 189

24 Mar 2013, 1:31 pm

. . . .alongside getting some professional help, from a specialist that understands the needs of people with aspergers, I think focusing on finding an activity or pursuit that you enjoy is key to feeling a bit better about life....something that absorbs you and that you can do without feeling stressed out ..

a lot of people find out that they like reading arts, crafts, learning stuff . . . . life is not about earning money or making ourselves marketable, I feel our focus should be about making a life for ourselves which is personally meaningful...

most of us do have special interests etc... it sounds like you were interested in computers but for some reason you've lost interest ..... if so this is fine - most people try different things out at your age ...maybe you'll recapture that interest at some stage or you'll move onto other things..

things got tough for me when I was your age, because my learning difficulties really kicked in when I was in my late teens, even when I got to college, I found organising myself and planning almost an impossibility - other people seemed to sail through things, I found myself glitching and struggling to complete work .. . . . the best tip I could pass on is to make sure that any academic difficulties you may have are recognised by yourself and others, and that you get sufficient support - a lot of us don't realise we have to put a lot more effort in to do things others find easy, and it can drain us and make us feel down..

I hope this doesn't sound patronising or condescending, and I hope you feel better about things soon



jk1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,817

24 Mar 2013, 1:52 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Urist wrote:
Asperger's itself doesn't get worse with age, but comorbid conditions can emerge. Depression due to a lack of friends or an inability to focus on an interest, avoidant or schizoid personality disorders from confusion with people and emerging suspicion of people, social anxiety for the same kind of reason, etc. It's also possible that you've developed some kind of intolerance or deficiency. I'd recommend going to a doctor and being checked for those in addition to seeing if you can see a psychologist. Not enjoying life would hint towards depression for me, but I'm no professional. You did say that you 'felt depressed' yourself, and that would definitely be worth getting help with.


Holy s*it, a 15 year old wrote that.


I was thinking exactly the same. I'm always impressed by what he writes.

Any way, I think Urist's advice for the OP sounds on the right track.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,150
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

24 Mar 2013, 2:03 pm

Could be diet rellated if you have any common ASD intolerances or sensitivities. Gluten, casein (dairy) and salicylate acid sensitivity are most common. If you're sensitive to these foods, eating them can amplify AS symptoms.

Same with vitamin/mineral deficiences, or a combination of things.

Exercise is good, too. If you've been a lot less actice this could impact things as well.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Alevai
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29
Location: Pennsylvania

20 Oct 2014, 4:32 am

faithfilly wrote:
I went downhill from 1966 until 2007. That's 42 years wasted on being discontent while trying to be someone I wasn't in the hope of getting ahead with my life instead of feeling like everything I did I messed up. From the time I was 16 until 25, I thought I had friends (on and off). Now in hindsight I realize those people were only friends because it was what I wanted to believe. They were only around when there was something I had that they wanted. For example, I had a swimming pool. They were around when the weather was hot. I had a horse. They were around until my horse threw them off. I had a car. They were around until they had a car. Etc., etc.

I will never again have a swimming pool or horse, but I'm okay with that. I have a car, but so does practically everyone else. I don't even have the money to buy gas to drive anywhere other than where I must go when I must go there. I went from a middle-class lifestyle into poverty. I went from being physically very attractive in my youth to now being an 'old' woman in a society that believes aged women must have cosmetic dentistry and plastic surgery.

I can easily be depressed if I think about how much is now gone in my life. I will never get back time (no one can). My life could have been much better had I known what I have had to learn the hard way.

However, all these things that could be depressing to most people built the bridge I needed to acquire a happiness I now have which I would never trade for anything. The contentment I now have didn't come without pain, suffering, and effort.

I suggest instead of thinking about how to get the old you back, think about how to create a new you that will make you satisfied with who you are. You don't need a job, college degree, or social life to do this. You do need to shed your negative perspective on Aspergers. Aspies are a different breed of people. I often think of Aspies being like a rare tropical fish or flower compared against common fish or flowers. Of course NTs wouldn't agree, but they can ask me if I care. I'll tell them their opinion of me is not what determines my appreciation for who I am.

P.S. ? I have 3 college degrees and they all have proven to be worthless as far as earning me money. I basically have only one friend in this world, but I will never be able to visit him (nor him me). He is an Aspie who doesn't share my faith. All we can to is write to each other and skype periodically.


I know i'm a little late to the post, but this reply broke my heart. It really hit home. I grew up in a middle class family too. I thought I had friends too until I realized they only came over because my parents always took us places and because i tended to have things before they they... they all left too as soon as they got their own things (cars, money, etc)

I remember having a few brief moments of clarity when I was a kid.. thinking... what will happen when I don't have a cool place anymore? But I waived it off and told myself I will be smart and successful too.... didn't turn out that way.

From age 24 when my mother passed away, to now... i've only done the motions... I haven't enjoyed life at all. I typically wake up i the morning extremely depressed thinking about where my life is headed. I've lived the past 3 years in a basement apartment owned by the company I work for in an inner-city neighborhood (hell on earth, basically. and that's with 2 years of college). I know this is better than homelessness and unemployment so I stick with it, but it is really boring, unfulfilling, and doesn't pay enough to do anything or go anywhere. I have a car but typically no gas to go anywhere. I'm typing this from a hotel room.. my first vacation since I started working here... I can't seem to enjoy it at all.. I've been camping alone, travelling alone, and all I think of is how tedious and boring this is.I am not the envious type but I feel stupid and out of place most of the time.

My parents refused to let me see a therapist as a kid... the result of which i'm living right now. If I knew what was going on I would have been a little bit easier on myself... I would have been happier and possibly finished college... or at least I think I would have.

How did you make that transition into happyness? How did you do it? Details please



886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,661
Location: SLC, Utah

20 Oct 2014, 5:47 am

I hate to play devil's advocate, but the only way for it to get better is by experience. It's difficult, but you have to learn from mistakes, you have to try to be social and learn how to thrive in social enviroments. That doesn't mean parties, that doesn't mean go out and date strange women, it just means make friends and learn to be yourself. Learn who you can be friends with, learn what your interests are and share those common interests with mutual friends. Keep active with those interests and gain knowledge/experience from those interests to gain confidence. Use that confidence to go out in the world and make more friends, interests, and other aspirations. Use that experience to discover your long term goals, discover what you want in a career, discover who you really are and what you really want from yourself.

I know how hard it is first hand from having asperger's and severe social anxiety, but I also learned hiding in my room playing Diablo 3 19 hours a day is not helping the issue, but only making it worse. It's so much easier said than done, but you have to have a hobby, even if it's your "autistic special interest" learn it, live it, love it, and meet people who feel the same about it. For me, my main hobbies are downhill skiing and the seattle seahawks. I go skiing about 70 times a year and I can start a conversation with anyone on a chairlift, I can always go out and cheer for the hawks with other people who also love the hawks.

Don't set the bar too high for yourself, either. Go by what YOU want from yourself. Things like "college, losing virginity" they're just expectations OTHER people set for you. Take baby steps, just start by leaving the house and making friends. Do what YOU want, and do what YOU feel is right for you, not what others expect of you. Living up to what other's expect is only going to drag you down, it's a big part in what being autistic is about, you aren't like other people and you never will be, either.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a bunch of nonsense, I'm plastered drunk as f**k. But it shouldn't take too much away from it. :?


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


glider18
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,031
Location: USA

20 Oct 2014, 1:21 pm

I have noticed my anxiety more as I have gotten older. It doesn't take many minor issues to send me into shutdown mode. To the OP, I feel for you. One thing that can help me is to work with interests. If you have special intense interests, they can sometimes help you to navigate through rough times. I have been feeling kind of "blah" lately, and I just figured out the house plan that I want to use in my novel. I love house plans. And I have two house blueprints that I can merge together to make what I think is a terrific house for this novel.

The above post by 886 offers great advice. I hope you feel better soon about life and find your happiness.


_________________
"My journey has just begun."


vickygleitz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,757
Location: pueblo colorado

20 Oct 2014, 1:48 pm

I I got burned out. I have too many responsibilities to give up so I got mad. And took action. I no longer pretend to be NT. Nor do I expect the NT culture to take care of me. I believe that if Autistics start supporting each other we will be able to be our incredible bests. And then, the NTs' will be clamoring to accommodate us. But first,we need to unite in so many ways.

We are working on rehabbing the first house[ my sons purchase] for an Autistic community in Pueblo. the next few years will be growing homes in numbers, getting Pueblo Autistics involved and creating income. PLEASE stop with the 'indistinguishable from peers" ABA crap. NTs' can be very nice people,but they are not our peers. They are not people to emulate. Not because they are not good. Because they are not us [ and we should not expect them to emulate us either]

We are also hosting next years AutHaven next March. We will be socializing, relaxing, and working together to find and grow solutions. And we will stim and rock and stare into space and doing all sorts of Autistic things that we have finally grown INTO loving about ourselves.



ATRAYA
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

20 Oct 2014, 1:57 pm

I've been told Aspergers does get worse when left untreated, and I know mine has gotten worse over the years (though I'm okay with Aspergers, so that's not a problem for me).
But as a former student of depression, I would say it is that which is causing you to feel as though your life is going downhill. I recommend seeing your general practitioner and a therapist immediately.



Campin_Cat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,947
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.

20 Oct 2014, 3:37 pm

I dunno..... One of my theories is.... It's not necessarily that Aspergers gets worse. I think it's that our ability to cope / hide / whatever (our symptoms), gets tougher because things just naturally slow-down, with age.

I DO believe, however, that Aspergers gets worse if it goes untreated----meaning, if someone doesn't know they have it, and they don't do anything to curb their behaviors, for instance.



Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,184
Location: Lost in Space

20 Oct 2014, 9:24 pm

886 wrote:
...I'm sorry if this sounds like a bunch of nonsense, I'm plastered drunk as f**k. But it shouldn't take too much away from it. :?

glider18 wrote:
The above post by 886 offers great advice. I hope you feel better soon about life and find your happiness.

I think getting plastered is great advice. LOL.

glider18 wrote:
I have noticed my anxiety more as I have gotten older. It doesn't take many minor issues to send me into shutdown mode. To the OP, I feel for you. One thing that can help me is to work with interests. If you have special intense interests, they can sometimes help you to navigate through rough times.

Now being serious. I have noticed my anxiety getting worse lately as well. I feel like I am more on edge. It certainly helps when my mind is preoccupied. Ideally on one of my interests.



andrethemoogle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,254
Location: Sol System

20 Oct 2014, 9:55 pm

I've gotten worse over the years too. I'm more depressed, anxiety and worry stricken, I sleep worse, gained and lost weight, my mental status has deteriorated and more avoidant of people than ever.

I used to be able to read a tiny amount of social cues before but now I cannot at all and it stresses me out even more.