confidence but weird/eccentric, what to do?

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billiscool
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27 Mar 2013, 9:46 pm

so, I always read that ladies love ''confidence'', and having confidence is good, well I agree.
But what you do if you have confidence but your weird/eccentric at the same time.
I can't fake being normal, I can't act like a ''normal acting nt''. I am funny guy, or people
say I am. they think im funny, maybe because Im so eccentric. I come off as funny, (which better
than coming off as creepy, even though I never really paid much attetion to that stuff)

I even try faking a ''neutral'' accent (my fake neutral accent is terrible), and even at one time
pretend to be an alpha male which was terrible.

so, when I try to pretend to be nt, and talk ''normal'' I do terrible with women.
But when I act like my real self, I do good, I can actual talk to women, when Im my real self.
but my real self Im too eccentric, and when your too eccentric and fun, your just
the friend guy, not the boyfriend guy,

so, like to hear some of you guys advice.



Tyri0n
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27 Mar 2013, 10:45 pm

Look for eccentric women rather than NT TV models with tons of makeup and s**t. Some eccentric women may be as lonely as you are. The problem is, most of us have a social circle that is too small given the tiny, tiny % of the population with whom we are compatible. So get creative. Put an AS ad on Craigslist. I did this under the "strictly platonic" section (since what I really need are friends, not more failed dating relationships) and found a nice AS female friend. Maybe you could do the same and either expect it to lead to more or hope she introduces you to someone who would date you, or you could just use the opportunity to learn more about how women think.

You're not NT, so you don't have to play by their rules when no one is watching. The relying on your friends advice is usually crap anyway, especially for AS individuals. Too many AS men just watch TV and insist on dating women like the ones they see in Hollywood; this is because they don't know enough real life women. Also, porn can create a distorted perception. Playing by NT rules is something you only do when other people are watching. You don't have to do it the rest of the time, so find a way that works for you.



Metis
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31 Mar 2013, 7:07 pm

And then some.

I'd been blessed with the condition years before it was commonly recognized, so I was just a bit of an eccentric. Looking about me, and bearing in mind my laziness, I realized that I'd be unlikely to have much luck with "regular" girls, so I went for the "interesting" ones.

Very interesting, some of them....

Point is, there's no sense in fishing with the wrong bait, and for the wrong fish, if you follow me. Quirky and interesting and eccentric girls are the way to go.

And that's my advice for any NT's out there, too. I've been with regular types, and I've been with oddballs. The oddballs have always been worth the effort.



theshawngorton
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31 Mar 2013, 7:08 pm

Wait, what? I don't even know anymore what's going on here.



billiscool
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31 Mar 2013, 8:02 pm

Metis wrote:
And then some.

I'd been blessed with the condition years before it was commonly recognized, so I was just a bit of an eccentric. Looking about me, and bearing in mind my laziness, I realized that I'd be unlikely to have much luck with "regular" girls, so I went for the "interesting" ones.

Very interesting, some of them....

Point is, there's no sense in fishing with the wrong bait, and for the wrong fish, if you follow me. Quirky and interesting and eccentric girls are the way to go.

And that's my advice for any NT's out there, too. I've been with regular types, and I've been with oddballs. The oddballs have always been worth the effort.


every time I meet an cool eccentric women, they are always in a relationship. I met a short geeky girl who was into lord of the ring, and old super nes game like me, but she has a boyfriend. every time I met some cool women, that has a common interest and similiar personality, they are always in a relationship.



Tyri0n
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31 Mar 2013, 8:58 pm

Eccentric people often use electronic communications to initiate contact with each other. Even though there's a stigma against this, it can be very effective for someone with specified criteria and a narrow-average social cirle, and there is no reason to tell your friends that is how you met.

There are numerous dating websites, including niche ones, and you can make and respond to personal ads on Craigslist. I'd give it a try if other means don't work. It kind of cuts through some of the games, like having to recognize flirting, which is nice for someone on the spectrum.

There's one called Nerd Passions, and there is another one called No Longer Lonely for people with a variety of mental health issues. OkCupid has some questions you can answer in a way that shapes your matches as well. And you can even create questions of your own.



Metis
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31 Mar 2013, 9:34 pm

Look, her having a boyfriend - or even, in my case, once and more than once, a husband - is no obstacle. If you treat it as a fact of her biography, on a par with, say, her hair color or where she was born, and not, as happens too often, as if it were some sort of irrevocable condition on a par with her being behind bars, it's as simple as can be.

She may or may not have a boyfriend, true and true enough. But her boyfriend doesn't have her, if you take my meaning. She's a free person, and may very well be with whoever she is with at the moment because she hasn't yet met you.



IrishTusk
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01 Apr 2013, 6:40 pm

Make it work for you mate, My AS is rather mild, infact am one Physiologist appointment from possibility being undiagnosed. How ever it turns out I do have ADHD, I was diagnosed with it, but every one focused on AS and I only found out recently about my ADHD(After 20 years of living with it)

Any how my point is, I talk a lot I never shut the hell up, I'm eccentric and always buzzing. But I make it work by not smoothing over my flaws I make them key in my personality.

Example, I'm always firing off one liners and jokes, I'll happly bring up my random and often weird thoughts into a conversation just to keep people talking as I hate awkward silences, I'll approach and chat to any one with a smile.

People will either take you or leave you, don't bother trying to hide parts of your personality show it off.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 56 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 144 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical