29 Mar 2013, 8:33 pm
29 Mar 2013, 9:17 pm
I feel for you. Everything does seem to be a trade off in some way though. If one area in life is becoming problematic, there has to be some type of shift somewhere which can affect other areas. The trick is finding what out weighs the other in terms of importance in your life. Remaining static is always an option, but it greatly decreases the event of finding that different outcome.
On the other hand, if you're just looking for an acknowledgement of how you're feeling that's a different story. I think a huge number of people on this forum could relate. 
29 Mar 2013, 9:30 pm
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
29 Mar 2013, 10:51 pm
I go hiking in the mountains, or for a run, or a ride, or if I'm feeling well enough not to be a burden on my friends I go visit one of my good ones & recharge on their positivity.
You come here, whine & complain, get pages upon pages of helpful advice as well as offers of additional help & then completely ignore everything you're offered because you're too resistant to change to be bothered to try something new in order to help yourself. The more threads you post about this, the more it seems you're just looking for a pity party than any actual advice you're willing to take action on & try anything new or different in order to see if you can get a different result. After all, it is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result... and that's exactly what you're stating, that you expect improvement or different results, but aren't willing to do anything differently in order to get it. That's not the way life works.
As for happiness, we're all entitled to it. Go ahead and be happy all you want, no one's stopping you.. except you.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
29 Mar 2013, 11:09 pm
bumble wrote:
I am kind of stuck as every time I get involved with people I get pushed off my diet because people always have to interfere with it and I get physically sick again and then I can't function at all. Just because they can't accept my digestive tract does not handle wheat well.
If I have visitors they mess with my sleep when I keep trying to tell them it gives me splitting migraine headaches if it is disrupted too severely or I am left sleep deprived, to the point where my ability to function in any way is completely shut down.
I have to give everything I love up, not just one thing or a compromise here and there. All I am allowed to do in life when I get involved with people is cook, clean, make boring chit chat and eat rubbish full of chemicals and crap that are not natural and should not be in the body anyway and which make me sick again.
Their advice makes me physically ill and they won't accept it.
I have to stay away from them to protect my physical and emotional health.
I don't know what I want, other than to say what I am really thinking and feeling and to be able to express that to someone who understands.
If I have visitors they mess with my sleep when I keep trying to tell them it gives me splitting migraine headaches if it is disrupted too severely or I am left sleep deprived, to the point where my ability to function in any way is completely shut down.
I have to give everything I love up, not just one thing or a compromise here and there. All I am allowed to do in life when I get involved with people is cook, clean, make boring chit chat and eat rubbish full of chemicals and crap that are not natural and should not be in the body anyway and which make me sick again.
Their advice makes me physically ill and they won't accept it.
I have to stay away from them to protect my physical and emotional health.
I don't know what I want, other than to say what I am really thinking and feeling and to be able to express that to someone who understands.
Good news, any dietary advice I would offer includes avoiding wheat. So far, we're off to a great start.
What do you have to give up that you love? The only things I'd advise anyone give up that they love are things that may be adversely affecting their health, so having a trial period of giving them up to see if their health improves would be worth doing. Otherwise why would anyone advise people to give things up that they love? People need to be able to do things they love! Again with the dietary good news, I'd advise avoiding chemical junk food crap & only eating natural proper food - but only certain ones & not others for very specific reasons. Just because it's healthy for most doesn't mean it's healthy for you. Just as you've done your research about what you're eating now, I'd encourage you to read up on anything I advised, too. Knowledge is power, and then if it logically makes sense to try what I suggest, then try it & see what happens.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.29 Mar 2013, 11:15 pm
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
29 Mar 2013, 11:23 pm
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
True, but a little harsh in your delivery.
Bumble, why do you feel you have to completely accommodate other people around you? What are you afraid will happen if you don't eat their food, or if you tactfully disagree with their advice? Are they railroading you, or are you afraid to speak up?
Bumble, why do you feel you have to completely accommodate other people around you? What are you afraid will happen if you don't eat their food, or if you tactfully disagree with their advice? Are they railroading you, or are you afraid to speak up?
Intentionally so, not just for conciseness, but to be crystal clear to Bumble. Sometimes the truth hurts, and maybe that's what she needs to finally decide to do something for herself.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.30 Mar 2013, 12:20 am
30 Mar 2013, 12:37 am
30 Mar 2013, 12:44 am
30 Mar 2013, 1:02 am
30 Mar 2013, 1:17 am
Preface:the reason I ask these questions is because I don't know your life and your personal situation. My answers are a reflection the info I'm given.
Are you letting past experiences inform your current reactions? You seem to be able to assert your views online pretty keenly. 
I'm a woman the same age as yourself. If I was sitting across the table from you and addressed you identically, what would your honest reaction be?
30 Mar 2013, 1:28 am
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
30 Mar 2013, 2:08 am
I read your entire post & will address it bit by bit. I appreciate the same courtesy in return, thank you in advance, Bumble.
bumble wrote:
Actually goldfish your kind of approach just upsets me as I have been constantly accused of doing nothing when I have done everything there is to try. Those kinds of accusations on forum boards from posters like yourself because I did not feel I wanted to take certain peoples advice is what has lead to the internet being a nightmare for me. It has further isolated me as people have gone away with the impression that I do nothing and that I am just whining when in fact I am trying to explain my situation.
I never said you've done nothing, only that you don't seem willing to try anything new that you've yet to try before. Since you refuse to communicate with me, I can't possibly know whether you've tried what I would recommend or not. What I do know is that you have not possibly tried everything there is to try, because that would mean that you have exhausted all of the infinite possibilities in the universe and are truly hopeless - and no one has tried everything, nor is anyone truly completely hopeless. It comes across as persistent whining when you ignore peoples offers of help and advice & then make further complaints about how things are going. It's frustrating for people who are offering their help & insights who feel they may be able to help you and you dismiss their efforts or knowledge.
As for my most recent approach in this thread, I changed it to get a response from you vs. no response - and it worked. Thank you. Now we're getting somewhere.
bumble wrote:
People might understand my situation if they didn't keep saying TLDR when I try to explain things to them.
Fair enough, but you seem to be saying about the same thing over and over again in many many words. I'm not a very concise person all the time, either. Instead of looking at my TLDR comment as an attack, view it as an opportunity to learn that you're being too wordy. Especially if you've been told this by more than one person. We can learn from every interaction and experience we have, and getting TLDR feedback is in fact constructive criticism that you can use to improve your social skills.
bumble wrote:
What part of I am happy with my diet are you having trouble understanding? And yet you still try to push the diet you think I should be trying on to me...right in my face long after I have tried to assert myself and declined.
Like yourself, I'm intelligent, or as I prefer to say "smart as f**k," (Canada is a bilingual country, please pardon my French.) & have absolutely no problem with reading comprehension. I understand what you're saying, but you're not being very open minded or receptive to listening to anything I have to say about it in order to research it and decide for yourself. And the reason that I think you should give what I have in mind a try is because I was in a state of depression & AS/ADHD symptoms as bad or worse as what you're going through and have successfully changed the way that I am largely by altering my diet. This isn't magic. It's science. And it's highly probable among ASD brained people that we're intolerant & sensitive to the same types of foods, as can be read about and confirmed from multiple sources. Being so stubborn about discussing possible options is not helping you any. No one is going to force certain foods down your throat. I've told you before, PM me and I'd be more than happy to share my story & info with you, as well as various links where you can do your own reading and research before trying anything new. That offer still stands.
In the meantime, click over to this thread & read the long article that whirlingmind quoted and posted as it has some very detailed information about some of this stuff. (But not all, I have further info.)
You are what you eat, and what you're eating may just be making you the way that you are. Unless you're willing to find out, you'll never know. Continue to do as you've always done and you'll get as you've always got.
Nope, not really. It doesn't affect my life any if you stay clinically depressed & functioning like s**t, to be perfectly honest. I'm only continuing to reply because I do care about others going through the exact same things I've gone through and I believe I'm able to help. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother reading anything you write nor spending my time to reply. Think about that.
To bumble, I haven't rejected you. I continue to offer you what help I can. Whenever you're ready to accept it, get in touch.
Excellent. So far you've found many things that haven't worked for you, just as I did. So try another one, then another, and another - until you get it right and something works for you. Kinda like the Benjamin Franklin quote about inventing the light bulb: "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."
You're more than slightly low, you're just not in the frame of mind to be able to even acknowledge it. I bet if you were to take the Burns Depression Checklist test as it's published in the CBT book "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns (an outside expert on the matter, not me.) you'd fall into the category of severely depressed. I don't know this, but as little as I gamble I would bet money on it - and gladly lose it if you were in fact feeling better than you come across on these forums, as feeling good is the whole entire point.
Because you're impossible to teach anything to while you're this depressed. You need to deal with the depression first and foremost in order to have a better mental foundation from which to begin building social skills upon. You can't force the ability to skip the basics and move onto more advanced material in this case. Deal with the basics first, then when you're in a better mood people will be more willing to offer you help with social skills because you'll have the capacity to be receptive to what they're trying to teach you.
Yes, sure, but it'll only do any good if you've dealt with the basics first.
Yes, you do. Because you're depressed & have yet to be able to get out of your funk with any of the methods or knowledge you have already learned or tried.
How ironic.
How do you know what advice I have to offer? So far you've refused to take me up on my offer of it. You can't possibly know that what I have to tell you is something you're already knowledgeable about and have been researching for years. If you were open to a PM conversation with me, then you could find out.
How do you know you already know what someone might tell you? You can't possibly know. And obviously you haven't been capable of working out how to resolve your depression issues, or you'd be as happy as I am right now vs. asking rhetorical questions on the internet about whether or not you're allowed to be happy.
If you've read my responses in your threads before, you'll have read that I tried CBT & learned a lot from it - including that it wasn't working and that I needed to do something different, and that my recommendations aren't just to go redo what you've already done.
No gimmicks. Like I said, this isn't magic, it's science. If any foods are ruled out, it's with logic & reasoning and because it's necessary. That's great that you chose a diet that works for whatever issues it's resolved for you, but if it happens to contain things that are literally poisoning you and causing your depression and AS symptoms then you're not doing yourself any favours by continuing to consume them and (possibly) making yourself worse. Again, I'm speaking from personal experience, as well as having read and researched quite a bit online - but mostly from personal experience. Take a chance and discuss this with me via and I'll tell you what I've learned and how. You're free to do all the research you want on it before deciding to try it, but refusing to try something new & discounting the possibility that it might help you is simply asking to remain in the exact same state that you're in.
Except not being clinically depressed, or being happy, for instance. Blunt, I know, but it's the brutal truth of the matter. You need to resolve these things before you'll have any social success. There's no way you'll be open to learning new social skills in your current state, and quite frankly, most people won't want to be around you to give you any sort of opportunity to practice social skills when you're in such a state. I know this to be fact because I've been there myself. I was so depressed that I told my closest friend in the world that I couldn't subject him to myself and had to avoid him, and everyone, for a few months while I figured out wtf was going on with my brain and why I was so severely depressed and getting worse despite doing CBT, exercising a lot, and eating what I thought at the time was a very healthy diet.
They won't help with that because they recognize that trying to talk to you falls on deaf ears, and when you do listen to something you respond with all the depressive thinking reasons why it won't help you any without even trying it. Resolve the depression issues and you'll improve your capacity to learn and grow and be happy, and then others will practically jump at the chance to help you learn new things when you're actually in a frame of mind that allows you to be receptive to learning new things.
OK, I won't tell you to go out and meet people. Promise.
1 My advice will be consistent. Like a broken record consistent. I don't see any logical reason to offer conflicting, confusing, advice to anyone about anything.
2 I read your post fully, but I don't need to to understand your full circumstances because I've already been you & lived your life up until I figured out how to change it.
3 So don't consume anything that gives you migraines & feel free to tell me which food items I recommend tend to give you migraines. It doesn't take a neurologist to have that conversation. It's not rocket surgery stuff here. We're talking about food, cause & effect. And I don't need to be neurologist to know what foods caused what effects in myself and to have done the online research to know that these things affect the statistical majority of Aspies. I don't need a Doctorate in anything to know what I know or to have experienced what I have. I do have a post secondary education, a couple of times over, but not in these disciplines. I don't need a piece of paper declaring me an expert in this field to know the things I've learned. No one does.
4 So don't follow every last piece of advice you're given. At least be open to hearing what the advice might be, analyze it, research it, decide for yourself which pieces of advice to give a try - then try them. Trying > whining and expecting anything to change.
Because people genuinely want to help you. If they didn't, they wouldn't spend the sort of time I've just spent reading your post and replying to it piece by piece like this. I have other things I could be doing with my time that serve me vs. help you, but I have a hard time ignoring someone who's in the sort of mental state that I was in and managed to learn how to get out of, so, I persist in offering my help. If you're willing to hear me out & try what I suggest, I'm even willing to spend my time and money to ship something over to you from Canada on the chance that it will help you. Granted, in part my willingness to help you is because if what I've learned and done can help you, and others here can transparently see what state you're in now, then they'll also be able to see clearly that you've changed & that what I've offered in terms of help and advice has in fact worked for you. (If it does.) You're a bit of an extreme case, in a sense, so if you can make dramatic improvements they'll be very evident to you and to everyone else & I will have proved to myself and everyone on these boards that what I've managed for myself can and will work for others. I've already had these conversations with others who are much more open and receptive to the information. Soon they'll see if my advice helps them. It won't harm you any to hear what it is, but it might help you plenty.
This is true. But to decline virtually every bit of help and advice and explain away all the reasons that trying anything won't help you is also unfair (to those who offer it) and ludicrous. (because something you've yet to learn or try may help you.)
If their posts are exactly like mine, then they're offering you help and you're refusing it. Your thinking is so clouded right now that you're not the best judge of what things you do and don't need help with. Point in case: Your perception is that you're a little low, whereas my perception of you (that I said I'd put money on) is that you're severely depressed. Do you see the disconnect here? You need help with things you refuse to admit or acknowledge you need help with before you'll be in any condition to learn additional things such as social skills.
How do you know that? You can't possibly know it. You're assuming it. PM me and I'll tell you all about what changing my diet did for me, what state I was in before I made the changes, what I changed, what other things I cut out, what supplements I added and why. Again, no magic, just science. (and a little bit of love.) The food you're eating can have affects on your mental state, as, after all, you are what you eat.. and not just physically. Scroll back up and click that link and read the article that whirlingmind posted in another thread, as it's quite detailed about how some foods can in fact alter your brain function. Besides all that, I've learned more. And besides learning it by reading on the internet, I have already lived it, figured it out, and changed myself dramatically. Take that chance to discuss it with me privately and I'll openly tell you all about it. You can research every bit of it to your heart's content before agreeing to try anything.
If it works, and changing what you eat does for you what it has for me, then you'll be much further along towards your goals of making friends or finding a life companion.
You won't know until you try & find out.
Likewise. Thanks to being smart as f**k, I've figured out my own diagnoses and what to do about them & then informed my doctors. I'm not going to recommend any pharmaceuticals to you, nor to do anything that makes you sick. Promise. That's not being difficult, that's common sense. If something you try doesn't work & is detrimental to your health and you know it, you don't keep doing it. Duh. The thing here is that there may be things you're doing that are detrimental to your health that you don't yet have knowledge of, so you don't realize that discontinuing them may benefit your health. It really is that simple.
Sleep issues = Insomnia? And the rest of that sounds like a s**t time, sorry to hear you had to go through it. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though.
Been there before, too. In January I had strep throat bad enough to lose 2lbs shy of 1 stone in a bit over a week due to not being able to eat much of anything. I was in such rough shape I had to text message from my bedroom to request water because I could not move to go get it for myself. Being really, REALLY, sick sucks - but - I think just about everyone goes through s**t like that from time to time in their lives. It's not the end of the world & life goes on.
How fortunate you are to have strangers half way around the world care enough to read what you write and respond to it with offers of help!
Who is this as*hole of which you speak?
Quote:
Like yourself, I'm intelligent, or as I prefer to say "smart as f**k," (Canada is a bilingual country, please pardon my French.) & have absolutely no problem with reading comprehension. I understand what you're saying, but you're not being very open minded or receptive to listening to anything I have to say about it in order to research it and decide for yourself. And the reason that I think you should give what I have in mind a try is because I was in a state of depression & AS/ADHD symptoms as bad or worse as what you're going through and have successfully changed the way that I am largely by altering my diet. This isn't magic. It's science. And it's highly probable among ASD brained people that we're intolerant & sensitive to the same types of foods, as can be read about and confirmed from multiple sources. Being so stubborn about discussing possible options is not helping you any. No one is going to force certain foods down your throat. I've told you before, PM me and I'd be more than happy to share my story & info with you, as well as various links where you can do your own reading and research before trying anything new. That offer still stands.
In the meantime, click over to this thread & read the long article that whirlingmind quoted and posted as it has some very detailed information about some of this stuff. (But not all, I have further info.)
You are what you eat, and what you're eating may just be making you the way that you are. Unless you're willing to find out, you'll never know. Continue to do as you've always done and you'll get as you've always got.
bumble wrote:
Control freak much?
Nope, not really. It doesn't affect my life any if you stay clinically depressed & functioning like s**t, to be perfectly honest. I'm only continuing to reply because I do care about others going through the exact same things I've gone through and I believe I'm able to help. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother reading anything you write nor spending my time to reply. Think about that.
bumble wrote:
To the person above...you see how goldfish is posting? This is what happens when I try to speak up for myself. I then end up being unfairly rejected by people when I have done nothing wrong.
To bumble, I haven't rejected you. I continue to offer you what help I can. Whenever you're ready to accept it, get in touch.
bumble wrote:
I have tried many things: medications (that made me sick and kept my housebound for years), therapy, asking the drs for referrals, lifestyle changes, alternative therapies, self help books, researching more scientifically based methods, exercise, meditation, yoga, Buddhism....you name it it is on the list.
Excellent. So far you've found many things that haven't worked for you, just as I did. So try another one, then another, and another - until you get it right and something works for you. Kinda like the Benjamin Franklin quote about inventing the light bulb: "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."
bumble wrote:
Goldfish, like many others, is fixating on my slightly low mood at the moment (partly because I am due my period and it's not unusual for me to be a bit ratty at this time of the month and partly because I am socially isolated).
You're more than slightly low, you're just not in the frame of mind to be able to even acknowledge it. I bet if you were to take the Burns Depression Checklist test as it's published in the CBT book "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns (an outside expert on the matter, not me.) you'd fall into the category of severely depressed. I don't know this, but as little as I gamble I would bet money on it - and gladly lose it if you were in fact feeling better than you come across on these forums, as feeling good is the whole entire point.
bumble wrote:
What no one will do is help me with the social stuff.
Because you're impossible to teach anything to while you're this depressed. You need to deal with the depression first and foremost in order to have a better mental foundation from which to begin building social skills upon. You can't force the ability to skip the basics and move onto more advanced material in this case. Deal with the basics first, then when you're in a better mood people will be more willing to offer you help with social skills because you'll have the capacity to be receptive to what they're trying to teach you.
bumble wrote:
I need help and advice on socialising so I can meet people with interests similar to myself.
Yes, sure, but it'll only do any good if you've dealt with the basics first.
bumble wrote:
I don't need further advice on my depression......
Yes, you do. Because you're depressed & have yet to be able to get out of your funk with any of the methods or knowledge you have already learned or tried.
bumble wrote:
But no one will listen.
How ironic.
bumble wrote:
They keep giving me loads of advice about stuff I am already knowledgeable about and have been researching for years!! !! !! !! !! !
How do you know what advice I have to offer? So far you've refused to take me up on my offer of it. You can't possibly know that what I have to tell you is something you're already knowledgeable about and have been researching for years. If you were open to a PM conversation with me, then you could find out.
bumble wrote:
They are telling what I already know and am capable of working out or understanding. As an A grade student who used to study psychology etc I am perfectly capable of understanding things in that area without having people explain it to me in the form of some over simplified CBT self help book recommendation. On an academic level I did begin school early because I was considered to be exceptionally bright or extremely intelligent. I don't need dumbed down psych self help books which I have already read anyway.
How do you know you already know what someone might tell you? You can't possibly know. And obviously you haven't been capable of working out how to resolve your depression issues, or you'd be as happy as I am right now vs. asking rhetorical questions on the internet about whether or not you're allowed to be happy.
If you've read my responses in your threads before, you'll have read that I tried CBT & learned a lot from it - including that it wasn't working and that I needed to do something different, and that my recommendations aren't just to go redo what you've already done.
bumble wrote:
Nor do I need gimmicks which rule out foods unnecessarily. I chose my version of the paleo diet because it removed my main problem foods but allowed me to eat a varied diet which will meet my nutritional requirements without the need for supplements to pad it out.
No gimmicks. Like I said, this isn't magic, it's science. If any foods are ruled out, it's with logic & reasoning and because it's necessary. That's great that you chose a diet that works for whatever issues it's resolved for you, but if it happens to contain things that are literally poisoning you and causing your depression and AS symptoms then you're not doing yourself any favours by continuing to consume them and (possibly) making yourself worse. Again, I'm speaking from personal experience, as well as having read and researched quite a bit online - but mostly from personal experience. Take a chance and discuss this with me via and I'll tell you what I've learned and how. You're free to do all the research you want on it before deciding to try it, but refusing to try something new & discounting the possibility that it might help you is simply asking to remain in the exact same state that you're in.
bumble wrote:
It is socialising I have trouble understanding...not other things. I was always very capable when it comes to other things.
Except not being clinically depressed, or being happy, for instance. Blunt, I know, but it's the brutal truth of the matter. You need to resolve these things before you'll have any social success. There's no way you'll be open to learning new social skills in your current state, and quite frankly, most people won't want to be around you to give you any sort of opportunity to practice social skills when you're in such a state. I know this to be fact because I've been there myself. I was so depressed that I told my closest friend in the world that I couldn't subject him to myself and had to avoid him, and everyone, for a few months while I figured out wtf was going on with my brain and why I was so severely depressed and getting worse despite doing CBT, exercising a lot, and eating what I thought at the time was a very healthy diet.
bumble wrote:
But hardly anyone will help with that, and if they do they give me advice that is more suited to someone who already has social skills but is just too shy to use them.
They won't help with that because they recognize that trying to talk to you falls on deaf ears, and when you do listen to something you respond with all the depressive thinking reasons why it won't help you any without even trying it. Resolve the depression issues and you'll improve your capacity to learn and grow and be happy, and then others will practically jump at the chance to help you learn new things when you're actually in a frame of mind that allows you to be receptive to learning new things.
bumble wrote:
For example telling me to just go out and meet people...I meet people each time I leave the house or log on but I still can't form friendships. Telling me to just go to groups and meet people doesn't help me. It just does not help me.
OK, I won't tell you to go out and meet people. Promise.
bumble wrote:
Apart from which I cannot take advice from everybody:
1 The advice can be conflicting
2 They don't read my posts fully and don't understand my full circumstances.
3 When it comes to diet I have migraines that can be affected by lifestyle changes..unless they are a neurologist they cannot really advise me on such things and that kind of advice should be left to either a professional or myself given that I know what my migraine triggers are.
4 If I try to follow all the advice everyone gives me, it is just confusing and results in my chasing my own tail.
1 The advice can be conflicting
2 They don't read my posts fully and don't understand my full circumstances.
3 When it comes to diet I have migraines that can be affected by lifestyle changes..unless they are a neurologist they cannot really advise me on such things and that kind of advice should be left to either a professional or myself given that I know what my migraine triggers are.
4 If I try to follow all the advice everyone gives me, it is just confusing and results in my chasing my own tail.
1 My advice will be consistent. Like a broken record consistent. I don't see any logical reason to offer conflicting, confusing, advice to anyone about anything.
2 I read your post fully, but I don't need to to understand your full circumstances because I've already been you & lived your life up until I figured out how to change it.
3 So don't consume anything that gives you migraines & feel free to tell me which food items I recommend tend to give you migraines. It doesn't take a neurologist to have that conversation. It's not rocket surgery stuff here. We're talking about food, cause & effect. And I don't need to be neurologist to know what foods caused what effects in myself and to have done the online research to know that these things affect the statistical majority of Aspies. I don't need a Doctorate in anything to know what I know or to have experienced what I have. I do have a post secondary education, a couple of times over, but not in these disciplines. I don't need a piece of paper declaring me an expert in this field to know the things I've learned. No one does.
4 So don't follow every last piece of advice you're given. At least be open to hearing what the advice might be, analyze it, research it, decide for yourself which pieces of advice to give a try - then try them. Trying > whining and expecting anything to change.
bumble wrote:
Yet everyone wants me to take their advice and I am the villian of the piece, the whiner who doesn't do anything to help myself, when I don't.
Because people genuinely want to help you. If they didn't, they wouldn't spend the sort of time I've just spent reading your post and replying to it piece by piece like this. I have other things I could be doing with my time that serve me vs. help you, but I have a hard time ignoring someone who's in the sort of mental state that I was in and managed to learn how to get out of, so, I persist in offering my help. If you're willing to hear me out & try what I suggest, I'm even willing to spend my time and money to ship something over to you from Canada on the chance that it will help you. Granted, in part my willingness to help you is because if what I've learned and done can help you, and others here can transparently see what state you're in now, then they'll also be able to see clearly that you've changed & that what I've offered in terms of help and advice has in fact worked for you. (If it does.) You're a bit of an extreme case, in a sense, so if you can make dramatic improvements they'll be very evident to you and to everyone else & I will have proved to myself and everyone on these boards that what I've managed for myself can and will work for others. I've already had these conversations with others who are much more open and receptive to the information. Soon they'll see if my advice helps them. It won't harm you any to hear what it is, but it might help you plenty.
bumble wrote:
Not every piece of advice that everyone gives me is going to be suitable for me....to accuse me of not wanting to help myself because I don't take it is unfair and ludicrous.
This is true. But to decline virtually every bit of help and advice and explain away all the reasons that trying anything won't help you is also unfair (to those who offer it) and ludicrous. (because something you've yet to learn or try may help you.)
bumble wrote:
Goldfishs post reminds me exactly of the same kind of thing I get from people on another forum board. They don't give me help with what I really need help with either...they keep fixating on things I DON'T need help with instead of the real problem.
If their posts are exactly like mine, then they're offering you help and you're refusing it. Your thinking is so clouded right now that you're not the best judge of what things you do and don't need help with. Point in case: Your perception is that you're a little low, whereas my perception of you (that I said I'd put money on) is that you're severely depressed. Do you see the disconnect here? You need help with things you refuse to admit or acknowledge you need help with before you'll be in any condition to learn additional things such as social skills.
bumble wrote:
Changing my bloody diet won't help me make friends or find a life companion....unless the food I am eating can give me instructions on how to go about doing that without just telling me that I need to go out and join a group.
How do you know that? You can't possibly know it. You're assuming it. PM me and I'll tell you all about what changing my diet did for me, what state I was in before I made the changes, what I changed, what other things I cut out, what supplements I added and why. Again, no magic, just science. (and a little bit of love.) The food you're eating can have affects on your mental state, as, after all, you are what you eat.. and not just physically. Scroll back up and click that link and read the article that whirlingmind posted in another thread, as it's quite detailed about how some foods can in fact alter your brain function. Besides all that, I've learned more. And besides learning it by reading on the internet, I have already lived it, figured it out, and changed myself dramatically. Take that chance to discuss it with me privately and I'll openly tell you all about it. You can research every bit of it to your heart's content before agreeing to try anything.
If it works, and changing what you eat does for you what it has for me, then you'll be much further along towards your goals of making friends or finding a life companion.
bumble wrote:
Sure I can do that....but can I socialise in that group?
Can I make friends with people in that groups?
And can I cope with the amount of socialising it takes to maintain those friendships if I do find them?
Hang on a moment, I will go ask the swede I have in the cupboard shall I?
Can I make friends with people in that groups?
And can I cope with the amount of socialising it takes to maintain those friendships if I do find them?
Hang on a moment, I will go ask the swede I have in the cupboard shall I?
You won't know until you try & find out.
bumble wrote:
And in regards to trying with my health issues....I have cleared more of my symptoms in one year than my drs could clear in 10, especially as their medications were partly responsible for making me sick in the first place. The more I went back to the drs the sicker I got....you see my problem when people keep telling me to go back to my gp for medications...they want me to do what made me sick in the first place.....and when I refuse, I am being difficult.
Likewise. Thanks to being smart as f**k, I've figured out my own diagnoses and what to do about them & then informed my doctors. I'm not going to recommend any pharmaceuticals to you, nor to do anything that makes you sick. Promise. That's not being difficult, that's common sense. If something you try doesn't work & is detrimental to your health and you know it, you don't keep doing it. Duh. The thing here is that there may be things you're doing that are detrimental to your health that you don't yet have knowledge of, so you don't realize that discontinuing them may benefit your health. It really is that simple.
bumble wrote:
Now I am only left with my sleep issues (wonky circadian rhythm), a bit of pms and my social issues. Prior to this year I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed most days. I was so dizzy I could not stay upright for more than a few minutes. When I was withdrawing from medications (weaning off) I was getting such bad headaches I did not know who or where I was sometimes. I was covered in bruises and did not know where they were coming from, I was waking up covered in drool with a bitten tongue etc and I felt like I had been lobotomized most of the time. I had to go through that alone...
Sleep issues = Insomnia? And the rest of that sounds like a s**t time, sorry to hear you had to go through it. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though.
bumble wrote:
Some weeks I could not even eat, one week I over half a stone because I was not well enough to get up and get myself food and there was no one to help me. I could not do my housework, my place was filthy, I was sleeping in dirty bedsheets because I was too sick to change them...it was humiliating and vile.
Been there before, too. In January I had strep throat bad enough to lose 2lbs shy of 1 stone in a bit over a week due to not being able to eat much of anything. I was in such rough shape I had to text message from my bedroom to request water because I could not move to go get it for myself. Being really, REALLY, sick sucks - but - I think just about everyone goes through s**t like that from time to time in their lives. It's not the end of the world & life goes on.
bumble wrote:
And I log on for a few moments when I was able and write my frustrations down only to get posts like that from people like goldfish.
How fortunate you are to have strangers half way around the world care enough to read what you write and respond to it with offers of help!
bumble wrote:
Callous, cold, nasty and uncalled for.
Who is this as*hole of which you speak?
bumble wrote:
Those symptoms have gone now and I am able to get up and about again. But that is very recent and I am still partly housebound. But at least I can sit up again without getting vertigo and my bedsheets etc are clean now. I did have to drop my home learning University course though as I couldn't keep up with the workload. I will look into an art class instead (I want to take up pottery or painting) later on when I have restored my energy levels fully.
I have had enough of the attitude of people like that though. High and mighty and arrogant when really they know jack sh**.
I have had enough of the attitude of people like that though. High and mighty and arrogant when really they know jack sh**.
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Great, so you've got at least a couple of reasons to want to get better. Now to take those reasons "why," and transfer them over into a willingness to try, learn, change, grow, improve vs. continue doing exactly the same things you're currently doing that aren't serving you.
Why would you ever have enough of people's attitudes when they're offering you help? Seems strange to me.
High and mighty and arrogant, eh? Nope. Helpful, genuine, and sincere, yes. (and funny, smart as f**k, fairly fit, good looking.. too bad for you I'm gay, eh?
) And while I have yet to meet your friend Jack s**t, I do know a lot more than you give me credit for.
Lastly, this is not about me proving I'm right and you're wrong. I couldn't possibly care less about that. It's genuinely a caring offer of my help, knowledge, and assistance. If we discuss these things, you research them, then end up trying them and they don't work - well, then that's that, they didn't work for you. If they do work, then wonderful. The end result is not that I get to say I was correct and you were incorrect. The end result is that you'll be thinking and feeling better and that's it. To deny yourself that possibility because you may be assuming I'm looking for some sort of "one up," right/wrong bragging rights is flat out wrong.
Sincerely,
Richard.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
30 Mar 2013, 2:27 am
Some of your unfortunate experiences remind me very eerily of a few of my female AS cousins who've had to endure similar hardships in their lives. It hits a little close to home. It definitely sucks to hear you've had to go through those things.
bumble wrote:
I was thinking about taking a self defense class.
-------------
In regards to those past events, just in case people were wondering, I did get myself out of the situations as soon as I could, so yes I did help myself and no I didn't just stick around and take it. I got out of there.
All the same I don't inviting the same experiences back in again. I am trying to live in the hear and now and work towards the future, not live in the past.
-------------
In regards to those past events, just in case people were wondering, I did get myself out of the situations as soon as I could, so yes I did help myself and no I didn't just stick around and take it. I got out of there.
All the same I don't inviting the same experiences back in again. I am trying to live in the hear and now and work towards the future, not live in the past.
No good reason not to take a self defence class! If you can do it, do it. I took one long ago & learned some good stuff from it in terms of how to physically avoid being grabbed/held/pinned etc. The single best piece of advice I took away from that class was that your head is the hardest part of your body, and if it's going to get hurt at all, it may as well be by you using it to hurt your assailant. A few years later, when someone picked a fight with me, I ended it right quick by head butting him between the eyes & throwing him in a headlock and proceeding to punch him in the face for a while. It was glorious. Aaah, memories. Disclaimer: I am not a fighter. I'm a negotiator. I've been able to talk my way out of many awkward potentially violent situations w/o ever having them escalate to a single blow exchanged, and prefer it that way - but I'll defend myself, with my head if I have to. Take a self defence class, they're fun! Annnnnd you might even make a friend or get the opportunity to practice some conversation skills or something - you know, NT small chat BS that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but is still valuable to the social interaction you'd like to be better at.
And glad to hear that, too. No sense in sticking around people that are only bringing you down or worse. When you're better off in a women's refuge than where you're at in life, then it's the best safest place for you to be & a wise choice. I've never been in a position to have to do that sort of thing myself, so I haven't lived it, but I do have family members that have - so I get it.
Trying to live in the here & now = <3
The second best piece of advice I've ever been given by a friend = "Be present." It's so incredibly true that Being present makes you happier, healthier, more productive and just.. better all around. It's also been proven in behavioural studies that those who's thoughts are aligned with what they're doing at the moment, in the present, are the happiest. If you're thinking about something else, whether in the past, or worrying about something that may happen in the future, or even thinking of someone or something or than what you're doing in the moment then you're not being fully present and far more likely to be worried, anxious, fearful, sad, depressed or any other negative emotion vs. being content or happy. Makes perfect sense to me, anyways, so good on you for trying to do that as often as possible. 
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.30 Mar 2013, 2:53 am
