Tips on how to tell if a man has good intentions?
Stay away from men who tell sexist or racist jokes, those who refer to women with any derogatory term, those who pepper their speech with the "f-word" (as if it were adjective, adverb, and punctuation all in one), those who express contempt or hatred toward anybody (especially the crippled, the handicapped, and the weak), and those who collect weapons (a pocket knife and a single handgun kept at home may be okay, but a samurai sword and an AK-47 may not not). These men seem to harbor some hidden reserve of anger, and are likely to take it out on the nearest vulnerable target (like a wife or girlfriend) when they do finally "explode".
And any man from a culture or country that denigrates or oppresses women may be more likely to become violent when confronted with a woman who can think and act for herself than a man who likes and respects his mother and other female relatives.
I understand your points about a man who frequently curses and uses derogatory terms, and I agree with you. However the "collecting weapons" aspect I do not understand. My biological father has many weapons and is much like your description. However, my stepfather owns quite literally hundreds of guns and he is a very kind human being. Also if I were to meet somone he could not be uncomfortable with the fact that I own various weapons myself; a bow, shotgun, and a handgun among other things, and while I will admit I have a temper, I've never been abusive.
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Aspie Score 177/200
Diagnosed Aspergers
Recipero bestia intus
Stay away from men who tell sexist or racist jokes, those who refer to women with any derogatory term, those who pepper their speech with the "f-word" (as if it were adjective, adverb, and punctuation all in one), those who express contempt or hatred toward anybody (especially the crippled, the handicapped, and the weak), and those who collect weapons (a pocket knife and a single handgun kept at home may be okay, but a samurai sword and an AK-47 may not not). These men seem to harbor some hidden reserve of anger, and are likely to take it out on the nearest vulnerable target (like a wife or girlfriend) when they do finally "explode".
And any man from a culture or country that denigrates or oppresses women may be more likely to become violent when confronted with a woman who can think and act for herself than a man who likes and respects his mother and other female relatives.
Oh yeah you are so right about all of this. Especially the racist and sexist jokes (and then they still claim they are not racist or sexist AT ALL), The name calling is also one hundred percent true. Those are usually the most uncaring douchebags. And then yeah... the finally explode.
You know douchebags too well
2. His Kindness Holds Up Under Pressure
3. He Offers to Help Others When There’s Nothing in It for Him
4. He Feels Honored to Be with You
5. He Inspires You to Be a Better You
6. He’s Not in Competition With You
7. He Has Personal Ambition
8. He’ll Do Something Just Because You Want to Do It
9. He’s Confident in Who He Is
10. You’re Happy!
They all make perfect sense except #7... although "ambition" is pretty ambiguous it usually refers to the ever-hungry desire for more money and status in the workplace... I find this quality more opposite of the qualities of kindness in this list... the career ambition that comes to mind usually requires evil actions to accomplish.
...maybe it's a different ambition?? [shrug]
Well, that is one sure-fire way to figure out if he was only after you for a bit of tail. Give him some, and if he subsequently dumps you, then you know that his intentions were dishonourable.
i would rather that it would happen after 1 date than 10. wastes less of my time and energy and emotions. most of the time i didn't have massively high expectations about where i would end up with someone after one date anyways. besides, i like sex and i really lose nothing by having the sex i want to have. of course, i tended to be well acquainted with the people i got into relationships with (or at least i met through mutual friends or after long conversations online). basically, for me it's all about being open and honest and not "withholding" anything for the sake of testing anyone.
if it works for other people to wait for whatever reasons, then great. but i would not advise it for the purpose of trying to ascertain a man's motives because it doesn't work. a man who loses interest after getting sex will do so after 10 dates just as easily as 1 date (google "losing interest after sex" and you'll see what i mean. the timeframe is not relevant).
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That just plays into the idea that sex is a thing men have to earn and that women give as a prize. Better to think of it as a thing that two parties engage in when, and because, they both want to.
There's a lot of men out there who try to have sex with as many women as possible, not necessarily for the pleasure aspect, but to show that they can and thus prove to themselves their worth as men. And a lot of men who feel they have no worth as men because of a lack of sex. If they stopped thinking of sex as something earned, they'd stop judging their value based the number of vaginas they had access to.
There's a lot of women who regret the sex they've had, thinking they "gave it up" too easy. And a lot of women who regret not having the sex they wanted to have for fear that they'd be doing the same. If they stopped thinking of sex as something to given to a man, rather than had for their own pleasure, there'd be less regret. They'd know that they had the sex they wanted, no more and no less.
2. His Kindness Holds Up Under Pressure
3. He Offers to Help Others When There’s Nothing in It for Him
4. He Feels Honored to Be with You
5. He Inspires You to Be a Better You
6. He’s Not in Competition With You
7. He Has Personal Ambition
8. He’ll Do Something Just Because You Want to Do It
9. He’s Confident in Who He Is
10. You’re Happy!
They all make perfect sense except #7... although "ambition" is pretty ambiguous it usually refers to the ever-hungry desire for more money and status in the workplace...
I think in this case, it means something more like "I'll Finish my degree; start a career that lets me support myself, a wife, and a small family; buy a house; and marry a decent woman before I turn 40".
As opposed to the 'ambition' of "I'll just shack up with some chick who'll pay my way and let me play video games all day, get drunk, and then re-enact my favorite porn scenes with me on a daily basis".
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That's an option?
Dammit, I knew I never should have listened to my guidance counselor and her talk about college and self-sufficiency and all that BS.
Where was that guy on career day?
My guidance counselors kept trying to push me into construction, assembly-line work, or the military.
I have none of them to thank for my engineering career.
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Ambition for me means that I try to be the best I can be at all times. I always try to do something better than I did before, and I get disappointed if I forget how to do things. For me this means that I want to be self-sufficient, I want to be good at what I choose to do as I can (probably an engineer, although I may stay in physics), and I want to be kind and helpful to the people who choose to approach me.
I got a hand job once from a girl on what I think would be called the 2cd date, even though I didn't ask for it, and I didn't think it was slu*ty at all. I was under the impression that she did it because she wanted to and for no other reason, which is the only good reason, as far as I am concerned.
I don't have any advice for how girls should date. I've never been a girl.
I've already alluded to this in another post for a guy who wanted to know if he should tell the girl he likes her now after a certain period of time...
I would say if a guy is honest right from the beginning about what he wants from you, then you have got yourself a good friend at the very least as he won't BS you about his intentions. If he intends on having sex with you with no strings attached, that is all he wants and he knows you probably won't be hurt too badly by him stating this intention. In fact, if you wanted this from the guy too without the feelings involved, then you got yourself a sex buddy for however long it pays for either of you to have one. Likewise, if he mentions he would like to date you, that means he wants to see if there is potential for more than just friends.
If his intentions come out later, that is where someone is likely going to get hurt (most often the guy that gets hurt). If he doesn't like the answer he gets, beware of possible bitterness and resentment coming your way.
Well, that is one sure-fire way to figure out if he was only after you for a bit of tail. Give him some, and if he subsequently dumps you, then you know that his intentions were dishonourable.
i would rather that it would happen after 1 date than 10. wastes less of my time and energy and emotions. most of the time i didn't have massively high expectations about where i would end up with someone after one date anyways. besides, i like sex and i really lose nothing by having the sex i want to have. of course, i tended to be well acquainted with the people i got into relationships with (or at least i met through mutual friends or after long conversations online). basically, for me it's all about being open and honest and not "withholding" anything for the sake of testing anyone.
if it works for other people to wait for whatever reasons, then great. but i would not advise it for the purpose of trying to ascertain a man's motives because it doesn't work. a man who loses interest after getting sex will do so after 10 dates just as easily as 1 date (google "losing interest after sex" and you'll see what i mean. the timeframe is not relevant).
If the man is paying, that could be 10 free dinners.
i pay my own way.
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