Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Is your partner more or less physically attractive than you?

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

As far as physical attraction goes, are your present or past partners more likely to be...?
I am a man: less attractive 25%  25%  [ 12 ]
I am a man: more attractive 13%  13%  [ 6 ]
I am man: the same 13%  13%  [ 6 ]
Women: less attractive 23%  23%  [ 11 ]
Women: more attractive 6%  6%  [ 3 ]
Women: the same 13%  13%  [ 6 ]
Other: more attractive 4%  4%  [ 2 ]
Other: less attractive 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Other: the same 4%  4%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 48

Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

07 Apr 2013, 4:54 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.


What was your original theory?


In the OP, I wrote:
Quote:
Is there a tradeoff where the autistic person dates someone who is less physically attractive in exchange for the less attractive NT overlooking the fact that the autistic person is less socially attractive?


In my case no

I don't think I'm bringing looks to the table

but then I haven't tended to have relationships with NTs

I've brought being a decent person with intelligence and humour to the table and the other person has bought either the same with average looks or they've been better looking and witty and less of a decent person

I've tended to see people who weren't fighting others off, the same as myself basically


That would explain it.

NT's are shallow as s**t.

As an aggrieved narcissistic aspie, I understand how NT's think better than NT's themselves and hate them as much as you do for their shallow judgments.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

07 Apr 2013, 5:06 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.


What was your original theory?


In the OP, I wrote:
Quote:
Is there a tradeoff where the autistic person dates someone who is less physically attractive in exchange for the less attractive NT overlooking the fact that the autistic person is less socially attractive?


In my case no

I don't think I'm bringing looks to the table

but then I haven't tended to have relationships with NTs

I've brought being a decent person with intelligence and humour to the table and the other person has bought either the same with average looks or they've been better looking and witty and less of a decent person

I've tended to see people who weren't fighting others off, the same as myself basically


That would explain it.

NT's are shallow as sh**.

As an aggrieved narcissistic aspie, I understand how NT's think better than NT's themselves and hate them as much as you do for their shallow judgments.


I can understand and accept it logically in terms of the human species preferring genetically healthy people etc but emotionally, having to suffer the judgements and with the way they often express their attitudes, I find it hard to accept.

They've affected my mental health very badly and I hope that if I ever do lose it I'll kill one of them, not myself as I certainly haven't caused it all!



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

07 Apr 2013, 5:11 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.


What was your original theory?


In the OP, I wrote:
Quote:
Is there a tradeoff where the autistic person dates someone who is less physically attractive in exchange for the less attractive NT overlooking the fact that the autistic person is less socially attractive?


In my case no

I don't think I'm bringing looks to the table

but then I haven't tended to have relationships with NTs

I've brought being a decent person with intelligence and humour to the table and the other person has bought either the same with average looks or they've been better looking and witty and less of a decent person

I've tended to see people who weren't fighting others off, the same as myself basically


That would explain it.

NT's are shallow as sh**.

As an aggrieved narcissistic aspie, I understand how NT's think better than NT's themselves and hate them as much as you do for their shallow judgments.


I can understand and accept it logically in terms of the human species preferring genetically healthy people etc but emotionally, having to suffer the judgements and with the way they often express their attitudes, I find it hard to accept.

They've affected my mental health very badly and I hope that if I ever do lose it I'll kill one of them, not myself as I certainly haven't caused it all!


As much as we appear to hate each other, I totally understand & agree with you.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

07 Apr 2013, 5:16 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.


What was your original theory?


In the OP, I wrote:
Quote:
Is there a tradeoff where the autistic person dates someone who is less physically attractive in exchange for the less attractive NT overlooking the fact that the autistic person is less socially attractive?


In my case no

I don't think I'm bringing looks to the table

but then I haven't tended to have relationships with NTs

I've brought being a decent person with intelligence and humour to the table and the other person has bought either the same with average looks or they've been better looking and witty and less of a decent person

I've tended to see people who weren't fighting others off, the same as myself basically


That would explain it.

NT's are shallow as sh**.

As an aggrieved narcissistic aspie, I understand how NT's think better than NT's themselves and hate them as much as you do for their shallow judgments.


I can understand and accept it logically in terms of the human species preferring genetically healthy people etc but emotionally, having to suffer the judgements and with the way they often express their attitudes, I find it hard to accept.

They've affected my mental health very badly and I hope that if I ever do lose it I'll kill one of them, not myself as I certainly haven't caused it all!


As much as we appear to hate each other, I totally understand & agree with you.


I don't hate you at all

some of the stuff you say reminds me of how NTs are so it sets me off but I don't hate you



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Apr 2013, 1:00 am

Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.

I have a new theory: given that autistic people generally need to trade down in looks, what differentiates an autistic person who can get a date from one who can't (different from just being picky) is not social skills, or whatever advice the fake PUA's on this forum dispense, but perhaps looks almost exclusively.

Some anecdotal evidence for this theory is supported by the reports of men on this forum, including myself, having big changes in success with women after spending some time in a fitness program.

A man/woman who is a 3 and grossly overweight/bad skin/skinny/unkempt (for guys) has hardly anyone to date. However, if this person works on improving her appearance, she may even be able to become a 7 or 8, which would allow her to date 4-6's, making plenty of partners available where before there were none she thought worth having.


While aesthetics play a large part in first impressions & physical attraction and there's certainly a correlation, I'd say there's still more to it than this.

What if it's not looks almost exclusively? What if what differentiates those that can get dates & those that can't is simply that those that can believe they can, and those that can't believe they can't? "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford. And this mindset would be likely to change & improve as physical fitness increases, too. Once your perception of yourself improves, you believe you can, so, you can. Also, exercise will release the neurotransmitters required to think clearly & feel good - so there's even more to back this up. When people are thinking clearly & feeling good, they give off "good vibes," and due to the law of attraction, attract equally positive people.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,537
Location: Europe

08 Apr 2013, 2:25 am

OH G,

seems like many aspies have to sacrifice a lot in terms of looks give the polls results



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Apr 2013, 3:10 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
OH G,

seems like many aspies have to sacrifice a lot in terms of looks give the polls results


Strange, I can't view the poll results w/o voting so can't see what they are.

And while aesthetics aren't everything and I'm certainly not flawless, I'd just like to say... f**k that, I'd rather be happily single & enjoy my solitude than greatly sacrifice my aesthetic preferences for a partner just to have one. If I'm not physically attracted to them, it's just never ever going to happen as that's important to me. If that means I remain single, I'm OK with that. I'm not ok with compromising my ideals and preferences as I feel like I'd be selling myself short vs. holding out for someone I'm mentally & physically compatible with. Why settle? Seems like the path of least resistance vs. doing whatever hard work is required to make yourself attractive to the types you're attracted to, IMO.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

08 Apr 2013, 6:00 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Even given the autistic predilection for low self-esteem, this poll is bearing out my original theory for both men and women.

I have a new theory: given that autistic people generally need to trade down in looks, what differentiates an autistic person who can get a date from one who can't (different from just being picky) is not social skills, or whatever advice the fake PUA's on this forum dispense, but perhaps looks almost exclusively.

Some anecdotal evidence for this theory is supported by the reports of men on this forum, including myself, having big changes in success with women after spending some time in a fitness program.

A man/woman who is a 3 and grossly overweight/bad skin/skinny/unkempt (for guys) has hardly anyone to date. However, if this person works on improving her appearance, she may even be able to become a 7 or 8, which would allow her to date 4-6's, making plenty of partners available where before there were none she thought worth having.


While aesthetics play a large part in first impressions & physical attraction and there's certainly a correlation, I'd say there's still more to it than this.

What if it's not looks almost exclusively? What if what differentiates those that can get dates & those that can't is simply that those that can believe they can, and those that can't believe they can't? "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford. And this mindset would be likely to change & improve as physical fitness increases, too. Once your perception of yourself improves, you believe you can, so, you can. Also, exercise will release the neurotransmitters required to think clearly & feel good - so there's even more to back this up. When people are thinking clearly & feeling good, they give off "good vibes," and due to the law of attraction, attract equally positive people.


I'd definitely agree with this

but I think you do need initial success to get the mindset of 'If I've done it once I can do it again'

I still say pickiness is the main issue

how badly do these people want sex?

if you want it, you tend to actively seek opportunities for it



Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,537
Location: Europe

08 Apr 2013, 10:24 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
OH G,

seems like many aspies have to sacrifice a lot in terms of looks give the polls results


Strange, I can't view the poll results w/o voting so can't see what they are.

And while aesthetics aren't everything and I'm certainly not flawless, I'd just like to say... f**k that, I'd rather be happily single & enjoy my solitude than greatly sacrifice my aesthetic preferences for a partner just to have one. If I'm not physically attracted to them, it's just never ever going to happen as that's important to me. If that means I remain single, I'm OK with that. I'm not ok with compromising my ideals and preferences as I feel like I'd be selling myself short vs. holding out for someone I'm mentally & physically compatible with. Why settle? Seems like the path of least resistance vs. doing whatever hard work is required to make yourself attractive to the types you're attracted to, IMO.


And what are your demands on physical attractiveness? Because I do think some people have unrealistically high demands. I have a friend for example who only dates girls with freckles. He said he'd rather stay virgin for the rest of his life if he doesn't find a compatible girl with freckles. Even if the girl is perfect in every other aspect, even physically, he refuses to date her because she has no freckles. Personally I can't imagine.



slovaksiren
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Oct 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 677
Location: la la land

12 Apr 2013, 8:03 am

Me and my boyfriend are both autistic and he is admittedly not that much of a looker compared to me, but we literally met in a chatroom on some geeky internet site talking about video games and Lovecraft and whatnot. I had no idea what we looked like until we Skyped but the time we Skyped it didn't matter because I was already hooked on him and we have been together for almost five months now.



JoeNavy
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2017
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 45

03 Jun 2017, 8:26 am

I say that my NT wife is more attractive than me through observation of people's reactions to us, both separately and together.
As a teenager and then a young adult, the reactions that I got from women was a mixed bag. In teen years I was generally considered rather unattractive thanks to the awful tricks God played on me while I was going through puberty, but some girls were attracted to the fact that I was (what they considered to be) sweet, honest and intelligent. Once my body came back into balance with itself, many of my friends (all girls) wanted to (and did) date me. The consensus was that I had filled out and was in the range from "kinda cute" to "pretty hot". As I got older, I continued to fill out (and out a little more) and the struggle with my genetic predisposition for obesity began (a battle that is finally in stalemate). There are no skinny men in my family. I know that I am still OK looking.
My wife is a different story. She is beautiful inside and out (and this is not just love talking). She would likely answer the question the opposite way because she sometimes struggles with depression and low self-esteem. There were several people who fought our relationship when she and I were dating (most of them were guys (and a girl or two) that wanted her for themselves, a few were girls that did not want me off the market and one slightly crazy ex-girlfriend that changed her mind about her feelings for me (again)). Now I walk down the street and people will look at me and think "big dude with a dad bod". My wife still gets guys in their 20s hitting on her. So objectively I have to say she is much better looking than me.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Sometime World
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 155
Location: UK

05 Jun 2017, 5:03 am

Never had a GF, just two one night stands. The 1st was a Thai girl from Thailand who messaged me first, and she was more attractive than me by about two points. I was 27 she 28. She actually preferred muscles and I was only 70kg / 5'9 1/2 at the time (pretty slim). The other woman was about one point below me but not fat.

I'm no attracted to high body fat in women, so its not gonna happen.


_________________
Life had kept him waiting, regretting his pain inside. Had to feel underrated, and hated, besides. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvLVSPPLZZY


biostructure
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,455

05 Jun 2017, 6:27 pm

I can't put actual partners, as I've never had a girlfriend. However, I've had a few sexual experiences, as well as a few girls who seemed interested but whom I rejected due to lack of interest. None of these have been even close to my type", and all except for one (one of the ones I rejected) were dramatically less attractive. When I say "less attractive" I'm referring only to looks, though the "not my type" part also includes personality.

I'm not a perfect-looking guy by any means, but I have a very normal-range weight and aside from a somewhat large nose and pronounced jaw, no exaggerated facial features. But the girls who have been interested in me were either clearly overweight or unusually skinny, and several had odd facial features.

I have a feeling that in my case health has something to do with it. I'm very commonly in an emotionally agitated state due to chronic illness, and unfortunately that seems like industrial-strength "people-repellent", especially to women. Partly as a result of this, and partly just because of my personality, I think I come on too strong or else overcompensate and don't show enough interest. I think dating girls who are also prone to emotional intensity would make things easier--in fact part of the "not-my-typeness" of a lot of girls has to do with them being too calm for my tastes.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

05 Jun 2017, 8:05 pm

Not really sure how to determine whether me or my boyfriend is more attractive...I suppose we'd have to go around and ask tons of people from various demographics to get a general opinion, of course there are better things we could do with our time.


_________________
We won't go back.