Are people with autism just doomed to be lonely?

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NateRiver
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09 Apr 2013, 3:23 pm

I have a messed up family life, so I can't really rely on them. I went out with my two best friends today. Let's refer the individual two as Friend A and Friend B. Now, friend A said to friend B " Oh, I love you friend B*laughs*". Whereas she said to me "I hate you" because I decided for all of us to go on these silly rides which she found to be utterly embarrassing.

Now, I just feel I'm not liked very much. To be honest, I can never sustain a long term friendship with someone. When I open myself up to people, not many of them like me and find me to be geeky



qawer
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09 Apr 2013, 3:41 pm

You are not alone. This is a tough world to be in when you're aspie.

Find other aspies...they usually understand you much better, and will accept you for you.



Cilantro
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09 Apr 2013, 3:46 pm

That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.



goldfish21
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09 Apr 2013, 3:47 pm

No, we're not.


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elsing
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09 Apr 2013, 3:49 pm

A beautiful connection could come when you are least expecting it, perhaps involving something you already love.
Don' t give up, this is not impossible.



NateRiver
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09 Apr 2013, 4:06 pm

Cilantro wrote:
That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.


Idk, it still kind of hurt



Tori0326
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09 Apr 2013, 4:18 pm

I have to agree that it was probably joking. Most people don't just say "I hate you" in a serious context. Most people now days say it jokingly. Us Aspies do tend to take things literally and have to learn when NTs are not being literal....which is almost always when in social settings.

I don't think we're doomed to be alone so long as you're very open with explaining how you think and feel. You have to go the extra mile to ask people to explain themselves before reaching conclusions and likewise explain to others why you think, say, feel what you do. If you can tackle the miscommunication issues it's much better, but you do need to focus on interacting with people who are patient and willing to invest in their relationship with you.



Cilantro
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09 Apr 2013, 4:34 pm

NateRiver wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.


Idk, it still kind of hurt


That's understandable. It's a strange thing to say, but still a common jest.



daydreamer84
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09 Apr 2013, 5:39 pm

Cilantro wrote:
NateRiver wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.


Idk, it still kind of hurt


That's understandable. It's a strange thing to say, but still a common jest.


I absolute hate it when people make those kind of jokes or "tease" in that way. I can never tell if they're joking or not and end up looking like an idiot (more than I usually do lol).



Ettina
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09 Apr 2013, 7:00 pm

No, we're not.

There are some people who are accepting, and you can also learn social skills as well.



Dillogic
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09 Apr 2013, 7:11 pm

Some people don't get lonely.



briankelley
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09 Apr 2013, 7:19 pm

I think maybe your friend was using "I love you" and "I hate you" anecdotally. Friends say "I hate you" in non literal figurative way all the time. Could be she said it because she felt secure in her friendship with you. Maybe you too should've laughed? I dunno, I wasn't there.

A funny aspect of male friendship is that if you're truly friends, you can and will insult one another on a regular basis as a display of endearment. Weird, I know.

Personally, I never arrange any kind of outing. It's too likely I'll end up regretting it. I always let A and or B call the shots while I sit back and enjoy the ride.



briankelley
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09 Apr 2013, 7:22 pm

Dillogic wrote:
Some people don't get lonely.


Yep, that's always been an aspect of my autism. I don't know what lonely is.



Skilpadde
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09 Apr 2013, 7:36 pm

Cilantro wrote:
NateRiver wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.


Idk, it still kind of hurt


That's understandable. It's a strange thing to say, but still a common jest.


I don't find that joke strange at all, I've said it quite a bit, always kidding. Especially in situations similar to what OP describes. I've been teased that way too and I just think it is fun, and will usually 'reply' with a huge grin or "oh no you don't". But then again, I know they're just kidding.

It sounds like an innocent joke to me.


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Callista
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09 Apr 2013, 9:32 pm

Cilantro wrote:
That kind of sounds like she said "I hate you" in a joking way, because of the rides.
Yes, I agree here. "I hate you" is an extremely strong statement. If it is not said while the person saying it is very angry, then it is sarcastic or joking. In fact, it is a statement that takes for granted that the person you are talking to knows you do not hate them.

I wouldn't recommend that sort of sarcasm to the average autistic, though. I think it probably takes some finesse to pull off. I tried it once when the pizza guy apologized for coming five minutes early--said "Yeah, I'm going to complain to your boss 'cause you got here too fast!" It was supposed to be sarcastic but I don't think I got it right, because he thought I actually was going to call his boss. I had to explain to him that I was being sarcastic because I thought it would be really silly to call somebody's boss on them for being early. But apparently there really are some picky nitwits who'd do exactly that. Go figure. :roll: Anyway, after I finally managed to explain I had meant to make a joke, I think we were both quite embarrassed, but I got my pizza and he got a tip, so I guess all's well that ends well.


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rapidroy
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09 Apr 2013, 10:25 pm

Whenever I try sarcasm it never works, people beleave everything I say as if I ment it and that gets me in trouble.

Are we doomed to be lonely? Depends on what you call lonely, I personally don't feel overly lonely compaired to most people, in fact the feeling may be more like boredom. As a rule however my friend list is much shorter then it should be. Like brian kelley I let my friends guide the friendship, pick the events to attend etc., I'm useless at leading a friendship much less creating one, though this can again get me in trouble.