So weird, today was...

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Today, I just decided to drink only 2 cans of the monster energy drink. Why monster? Because it just seems to give me some extra push compared to stuff like red bull. Too bad it's not the cheapest ever though...

But today, this "monster" just gave me a giant leap. My super high social anxiety has just dropped a ton by this night! I felt like posting in a forum or two I used to post in, and didn't feel afraid to see any responses to what I said. At this point of the night, it's almost like I'm drunk, except without actually being drunk; just its social effects!

However, it also made me realize that I pretty much lost nearly every friend I used to have, because I just left things for way too long. I don't feel unhappy right now, but wow.... just wow... I will never feel this social again in my life ever!

I currently fear going to sleep, because I just know these effects will be gone when I do.

Now imagine doing this for like 3 years and blowing your adrenal glands to shreds and realizing you need to stim yourself to oblivion to get anything done ever. Then have people ask once you stop drinking numerous cans of monster or 5 cups of coffee a day why you can't do _______ like you used to and what your problem is.

But yeah, it's pretty sweet. I have a friend who was working in sales and took stacker 2 diet pills and horny goat weed pills as a vasodilator to potentiate the effect of the diet pills. He had so little social anxiety that he just asked a random girl working at a gas station out and got her number, at 6am. He was just like "Hey, you have a boyfriend?" As the opener. She's like "No..." "Good, do you like sushi?" "How about a date at ______?" "OK, sounds good." He called me up at like 9am telling me about this date he planned that he had no money for, with a girl he doesn't even know. Go drugs.

Also, in my case I realized my social anxiety is 99% of the time accurate, and that everyone does hate me, and I'm a gigantic socially awkward douchebag.

I don’t know if I’m just imagining it but it seems like if anything energy drinks make my social anxiety even worse than usual. They even make me jittery to the point where it is difficult for me to even sit still. If they work for you then good for you but they certainly don’t do any good for me.

Yeah, that must have been amazing for that guy. It's like everything bad is just suddenly plugged on some drain. Imagine what "weed" would be like. In fact, I think I'm sort of feeling like that right now. Despite about how it's too late to recover previous friendships, all still feels good anyway. It's just really some memory to look back at now.

The monster drinks sometimes gives me those jitters, and actually when that happens, my anxiety usually gets worse too. But this time, it's just different.

Ironically, I don't feel normal. Ha... C:

Stimulants are a slippery slope. I know I only drink coffee in espresso binges, and energy drinks either on some stupid whim or at a desk. Caffeine is an Alkaloid, like nicotine, cocaine and numerous others. Overall, in my experience cannabis is considerably less taxing and more centering than caffeine ever was, and it's made me more mindful of what I consume along with my caffeine. Luckily I live somewhere it isn't taboo. Ordinarily I stick with loose leaf, unsweetened tea unless my workload changes too quickly.

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"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
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"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I drank energy drinks a few times and ended up acting like a tweaker and not getting much done.