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tikidweller
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11 Apr 2013, 1:23 am

Any other girls out there have this problem?

I just feel like other females out there see me as "incomplete" a "weirdo" and they just don't want to talk to me or get to know me.

I've been hurt so badly in the past by other girls that I have no trust or faith left in them. I feel incredibly isolated. I have lots of friends but about 95 percent of them are guys. I feel different from other girls and it hurts. I just wish that I could fit in with them.

Even within the "safe" community I've attempted to create, the girls have branched off an formed their own group which I do not feel welcome in at all. They say that they like me but their body language and actions contradict that.



One-Percent
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11 Apr 2013, 2:49 am

Hi I'm not female but I can certainly relate. Even though I may be well liked in some areas I'm liked as an outsider and will never "fit in". Sometimes I don't think we are meant to. I've realised I am an outsider and will always be. Every now and again though NTs and I share some common ground. Hope that helps.



Shebakoby
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11 Apr 2013, 4:06 am

tikidweller wrote:
Any other girls out there have this problem?

I just feel like other females out there see me as "incomplete" a "weirdo" and they just don't want to talk to me or get to know me.

I've been hurt so badly in the past by other girls that I have no trust or faith left in them. I feel incredibly isolated. I have lots of friends but about 95 percent of them are guys. I feel different from other girls and it hurts. I just wish that I could fit in with them.

Even within the "safe" community I've attempted to create, the girls have branched off an formed their own group which I do not feel welcome in at all. They say that they like me but their body language and actions contradict that.


Strangely enough, my problem wasn't with girls, as a girl. It was with guys.

Now that's not to say there weren't nasty untrustworthy girls, there were a few. But every single guy regarded me as "weird" with varying degrees of hostility as a reaction. So I have like 0 faith or trust in guys at all. I have like 0 guy friends IRL and can't even imagine what it would be like to have a majority of friends being guys.



RightGalaxy
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11 Apr 2013, 8:06 am

Hell yes! I can relate. I'm 51 and have experienced this most if not all my life. I had males for friends but this caused problems with my husband who I married at 32 years old...thus I am very lonely socially. I have good female acquaintances based upon my skills at work or I make them (acquaintances only) through common situations such as animal care. I know they like and respect me but I have no female intimate-type friends. In the past, if I called one a friend, they were quick to tell me they were not. By the time I was 25, I had only 5 women friends (they didn't know each other) that could be considered friends I guess. But to tell the truth, I wasn't happy with them. One talked badly about me behind my back, one was lesbian(different interests), Two tried to go to bed with whom they thought was my love interest (when they learned he was just a friend - they lost interest in him and me!), and the other tended to use me and covered her guilt in doing so by being extra generous with her cash and NEVER wanted to be paid back. All of this killed my trust. The females in my life have been very self-serving. At this age, I really don't care anymore. I've been through a lot and I like "me" just fine. Learn to like "you" too regardless of the hand that life has dealt you. These things are not our fault.



RightGalaxy
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11 Apr 2013, 8:08 am

One-Percent wrote:
Hi I'm not female but I can certainly relate. Even though I may be well liked in some areas I'm liked as an outsider and will never "fit in". Sometimes I don't think we are meant to. I've realised I am an outsider and will always be. Every now and again though NTs and I share some common ground. Hope that helps.


Dear One-Percent,
Your outlook is 100 % healthy!! :D



Leola
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11 Apr 2013, 10:46 am

tikidweller wrote:
Any other girls out there have this problem?

I just feel like other females out there see me as "incomplete" a "weirdo" and they just don't want to talk to me or get to know me.

I've been hurt so badly in the past by other girls that I have no trust or faith left in them. I feel incredibly isolated. I have lots of friends but about 95 percent of them are guys. I feel different from other girls and it hurts. I just wish that I could fit in with them.

Even within the "safe" community I've attempted to create, the girls have branched off an formed their own group which I do not feel welcome in at all. They say that they like me but their body language and actions contradict that.


Yep. I'm this way too. Maybe not as bad as you, but I identify a lot with what you've said.

I think the problem isn't girls though, so much as finding the right kinds of friends in general for me to associate with, and men tend to be more nice to strangers who are women than women who meet strangers who are women. If that makes sense. I can be bad at finding the right kinds of friends. I recently attended a meeting for a society of women engineers, and I felt VERY comfortable, safe, and in-the-right-place there. So I think I just need to get better at finding the right types of girls to associate with. Maybe this could be true for you, too.



Cafeaulait
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11 Apr 2013, 4:15 pm

i know what you mean. i have it too



Drehmaschine
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11 Apr 2013, 5:25 pm

I'm a guy but I know females are kind of hard to figure out. They are into socialising, playing mind games, and forming cliques. I'm too simple for that rubbish.



Moomingirl
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11 Apr 2013, 5:50 pm

Drehmaschine wrote:
I'm a guy but I know females are kind of hard to figure out. They are into socialising, playing mind games, and forming cliques. I'm too simple for that rubbish.

^^^ I think it would be more appropriate to say you are too smart for that rubbish :)

tikidweller, I have always had the same issues. I just don't 'get' most women. The stereotypically girly ones, who like to go shopping, gossip, and spend hours doing their makeup and hair just fill me with horror. What could I talk to them about? I wear my favourite clothes until they are not respectable enough to be seen in public any more, my hair lives in a messy bun (if I wasn't keeping it long because my husband likes it, I would probably chop it short again), I wear make up once every 5 years or so, and the concept of going shopping for fun is incomprehensible to me. Even less stereotypical females, I just look at them, listen to them talk, and have no concept of what is going on in their minds or how to interact with them.

I can't explain why, maybe it is the 'extreme male brain' theory coming out, but I have always related better to guys than to girls. They also seem to look on me as less 'odd' than girls do.

On the few occasions I am expected to socialise with a group of friends, you can count on finding me hanging out with the husbands rather than the wives. Except of course when I am hiding out the back talking to the dog/ cat instead :?

The two girls I am friends with took a long time to get to know. Both of them are non-girly, introverted, and although both NT, don't conform to society norms either, which I find much easier to relate to. This also makes them more forgiving of my quirks.

As RightGalaxy says, when you are married it can be looked on with suspicion when most of your friends are male, but if you are single, why don't you just enjoy it?



Ai_Ling
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11 Apr 2013, 9:05 pm

Yeah, I do get terrified of other women too and I have trouble trusting them. I've ran into way too many situation where other females dont approve of my behavior or something like that. I've developed a protection radar over the yrs trying determine who can and cant be trusted.



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11 Apr 2013, 10:18 pm

Yup, fear and even leaning a little towards hate.

I just can't relate to women, there are certain women who look a certain way in how they dress and wear their make-up - I have no idea how to be this sort of woman, I feel in their presence that I am looked-down upon...frankly, it's not too far fetched an idea given how prone women are to competing with each other. It's all about the 'girl-hate' little digs at each other, passive-aggressive game playing and judging while competing with each other or trying to undermine each other...what is confusing is that they can be so aggressive towards each other in such an indirect way, and if that in itself isn't confusing enough they then act like they have some sort of girly bond with each other.

I don't get that women can simultaneously be this...
Image
Best friends, loving and supporting each other like sisters.
...and this...
Image
Bitchy judgemental back-stabbing gossips set to destroy each other.
...at the same time.


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Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.


iliketrees
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12 Apr 2013, 2:49 am

I feel exactly the same way. The only people I can really get along with a male, and I hardly get along with them, either. Just a certain few that are pretty nice and can put up with me being around. I never see anyone outside of school, not even on sites like Facebook or other social media, because, in truth, I think I lack friends at all. But it's worse with females. They just always have their problems and since I have no empathy, I really don't know what to do, so no females truly like me. And what's worse is that I'm undiagnosed so they don't even understand I am not trying to be rude. I'm just confused by females, and so I've given up with them. I just don't understand them. It's almost like I'm male.. the EQ SQ test shows I am an extreme systemiser, and so I get how males don't understand females at times, because neither do I. All they do is cry and talk about makeup and going to parties.. I feel isolated now, whereas when I was younger, it wasn't so bad, and I had one or two female friends. Now they don't talk to me.. :(



whatamess
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12 Apr 2013, 8:08 pm

I can definitely relate. I live in a condo where everybody socializes a lot. I have tried numerous times to be friends with women here, but eventually they all leave. They talk behind my back, say horrendous things to ME about each other and then the next day, they are all buddies and I basically don't really exist for them.

I have to say that I do have a couple of friends from where I used to live that I got along with very well. As time has passed, I have realized that the ones who were not gay, also were undiagnosed Aspie, OCD and many other things. I have seen the troubles they have had with relationships, etc. and we are so very much alike. Unfortunately, they are far away.

At work I had a couple of friends, but only when I worked with development/techie people. Once I went to marketing, the girls totally ignored me. They had their click and I was not ever really made a part of it.

Right now, my mother has destroyed the only friendships with females I had where I live, which were my cousins. I also blame my grandmother for that. So, right now, I don't even talk to my family, my siblings, nobody...except my husband and every once in a while, like once every couple of months, to someone in facebook. That is really it.

It really sucks, but I don't see how it can really improve. It has always been like this for me, through school, high school, etc...so not sure that it will ever change.

Maybe we need at least a chat or something here so we can all talk to each other a bit more vs. just posting. :-)



AspieNinja
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02 May 2021, 12:42 pm

After doing a lot of emotional intelligence work, up until ~40yo, I wanting nothing to do with women. They have hurt me emotionally as no man, platonic or in a relationship, ever has- mostly with emotional betrayal and purposely ostracizing me (preteen on). Post-college, I was friends with women by way of being friends with their partner.

NT women eat their own already, and those with fragile self-esteems try to alleviate those feelings by targeting anyone they perceive as an outsider/different and treating them horridly.

Here's a reason I realized women had problems with me but couldn't figure out: jealousy. I conceptually get jealousy, but don't experience it, really. (I don't get revenge either.)

Women are jealous of women prettier than them, *especially ones that they notice get attention from men*. I'm not vain and am not jealous, so I couldn't even perceive that jealousy was the cause of their nastiness. It has nothing to do with you personally (they're this way with any 'threat'). iow- it's not you; it's them.

This is important: do not change yourself in attempt to appease their fragile ego, thinking they will be better to you. Kissing their ass will only make them worse. Instead, "Gray rock" them (basically be so boring and unresponsive they don't get their fix from you and move on) and distance yourself.



violetdr3amer
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04 May 2021, 1:14 pm

I can totally relate to this.

Luckily I do have a few close female friends, who are either neurodivergent/outsiders like me, or they're just super accepting and open-minded. But I've had problems with women all my life.

I went to an all girls' school, where I was bullied a lot by the "cool girls". Throughout my 20s I had female friends who came and went, they would usually abandon me after a while because I am "socially embarrassing" and they would constantly tell me "you should be more like this" or "you should dress more girly/fashionable" - they would just constantly criticise me and make no effort to listen to me or understand me. Back in my more social days, before my diagnosis, I would occasionally come across girls who would hate me for no reason, and make up stories/spread rumours about me, turn all their friends against me etc. Some of these girls continue bitching about me years after I cut contact with them, which is insane to me - don't they have anything better to talk about? I also had a female colleague once, who was obsessed with her nails, the gym, clothes etc, who went out of her way to try and get me fired, spread lies about me around the office and fabricated stories about me to HR. I handed in my notice because of her.

I have an irrational fear of "cool girls" and hyperfeminine girls (the ones obsessed with fashion, socialising, boys etc) because they tend to be the ones who attack me. It's like they somehow see me as a threat. I was hoping that this would stop after high school, but it has continued throughout my adult life.



CrabbyHermit
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05 May 2021, 2:56 pm

Yes!

Females scare me slightly! Even though I am one.

I think males are easier to get along with, they're much more easy going what you see is what you get kind of thing. Females are too complicated/I never really know where I am with them or if I can trust them. I think males are much more accepting, they're not so bothered about things.

Not saying males are perfect though!

I'm much more likely to trust a male over a female, males aren't usually listening, so they forget anything you say anyway :lol: