Page 2 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 3:10 pm

Haha, this is funny because it is so true. I prefer alpha females ...ones that are loners and really self-sufficient financially, emotionally, so on and so forth as they are direct and don't really play the schoolyard games. They appreciate my oddness and frankness.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


violetdr3amer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2021
Age: 921
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: UK

05 May 2021, 3:22 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Haha, this is funny because it is so true. I prefer alpha females ...ones that are loners and really self-sufficient financially, emotionally, so on and so forth as they are direct and don't really play the schoolyard games. They appreciate my oddness and frankness.


Yes! One of my long-term best friends is such a female, she is amazing. She keeps to herself and is mostly friends with guys. Other women have accused her of having sex with all her male friends and think she's cold and unapproachable (which couldn't be further from the truth, she has a heart of gold) and she doesn't give a rat's ass. I think "beta" NT females (and males, for that matter) are terrified of independent, free-thinking people who don't adhere to a group.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 3:49 pm

violetdr3amer wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Haha, this is funny because it is so true. I prefer alpha females ...ones that are loners and really self-sufficient financially, emotionally, so on and so forth as they are direct and don't really play the schoolyard games. They appreciate my oddness and frankness.


Yes! One of my long-term best friends is such a female, she is amazing. She keeps to herself and is mostly friends with guys. Other women have accused her of having sex with all her male friends and think she's cold and unapproachable (which couldn't be further from the truth, she has a heart of gold) and she doesn't give a rat's ass. I think "beta" NT females (and males, for that matter) are terrified of independent, free-thinking people who don't adhere to a group.


Agreed, I have never really understood beta females, or betas, in general, are kind of odd, I don't consider myself an alpha but I am just sort of focused on myself, and even I get accused of such behavior or did when I was a teen, now occasionally when I am forced into large social groups and I prefer men over women I get some of this, but yes I agree with you!


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


violetdr3amer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2021
Age: 921
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: UK

06 May 2021, 10:45 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Agreed, I have never really understood beta females, or betas, in general, are kind of odd, I don't consider myself an alpha but I am just sort of focused on myself, and even I get accused of such behavior or did when I was a teen, now occasionally when I am forced into large social groups and I prefer men over women I get some of this, but yes I agree with you!


Same, I'm neither an alpha nor a beta, I just do my own thing. I'm a one-woman clique, lol. I tend to avoid large social groups altogether.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

07 May 2021, 10:13 am

violetdr3amer wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Agreed, I have never really understood beta females, or betas, in general, are kind of odd, I don't consider myself an alpha but I am just sort of focused on myself, and even I get accused of such behavior or did when I was a teen, now occasionally when I am forced into large social groups and I prefer men over women I get some of this, but yes I agree with you!


Same, I'm neither an alpha nor a beta, I just do my own thing. I'm a one-woman clique, lol. I tend to avoid large social groups altogether.


Yeah, I consider myself an independent, I can be submissive by choice like follow if I want, but it's not a need, I am also not interested in dominating or leading others. I prefer interdependence or following. If someone needs me to lead, I can do that temporarily.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,037

08 May 2021, 8:44 am

tikidweller wrote:
Any other girls out there have this problem?

I just feel like other females out there see me as "incomplete" a "weirdo" and they just don't want to talk to me or get to know me.

I've been hurt so badly in the past by other girls that I have no trust or faith left in them. I feel incredibly isolated. I have lots of friends but about 95 percent of them are guys. I feel different from other girls and it hurts. I just wish that I could fit in with them.

Even within the "safe" community I've attempted to create, the girls have branched off an formed their own group which I do not feel welcome in at all. They say that they like me but their body language and actions contradict that.


I know the feeling. I don't connect with many women either unless they are quirky, neurodiverse, outsiders like me or they are really genuine. There are honestly a lot of women today who are very insecure and will do anything they can to fit in. I have found that a lot of them have become quite stuck on themselves and therefore seem to be mean and competitive. They could also care less about how they treat others. I don't connect with other women like that.

Years ago, I used to work for a woman was just like that and sadly she was an autism mom but I think she was either an alpha or beta woman. Anyway, she was not accepting of individuals with mild autistic traits at all. In her mind we were "Weird" while being more accepting of people with severe traits like her son. Anyway, she often invited all of the other women but me to do girl's day out and she didn't care that it hurt my feelings.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,573

09 May 2021, 10:46 am

I might be the one you are terrified of. I plow through life doing my thing and expressing my opinion (sometimes), leaving a littered trail of damaged egos in my wake. I have found, quite to my surprise, that some men and some women find me scary. Oh well, I'm an old woman and doubt I am going to alter anything much at this point.

I don't go out of my way to cause trouble, but when I detect someone has any sort of personality disorder, I get very cautious. These people are quite capable of spreading the gossip that there is something wrong with me, when in my view, there is something very wrong with them. Wide berth, here.


_________________
A finger in every pie.


violetdr3amer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2021
Age: 921
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: UK

10 May 2021, 10:46 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Yeah, I consider myself an independent, I can be submissive by choice like follow if I want, but it's not a need, I am also not interested in dominating or leading others. I prefer interdependence or following. If someone needs me to lead, I can do that temporarily.


Yeah same here. I find being a follower easier than being a leader, but I always do my own thing anyway so I cannot be 100% a follower lol. And I am also able to be a leader temporarily, but not for long - I find it extremely exhausting.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,037

10 May 2021, 4:32 pm

I think the reason we don't connect with many women is because we have our own ideas and interests that don't necessarily fit in with a socially based system. A lot of the leaders have this idea of how women should be while the followers, who get unwritten social rules, cues, they probably follow because they don't want look like they are standing out in anyway. So they do what they can to fit in.

Though we are not leaders and followers, I have learned that women mask because we want to blend in so people don't judge us. That said, most people see right through me and recognize the weirdness.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

11 May 2021, 12:27 am

violetdr3amer wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Yeah, I consider myself an independent, I can be submissive by choice like follow if I want, but it's not a need, I am also not interested in dominating or leading others. I prefer interdependence or following. If someone needs me to lead, I can do that temporarily.


Yeah same here. I find being a follower easier than being a leader, but I always do my own thing anyway so I cannot be 100% a follower lol. And I am also able to be a leader temporarily, but not for long - I find it extremely exhausting.


I agree with the experience of exhaustion when leading.... It's too much.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

11 May 2021, 12:28 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I think the reason we don't connect with many women is because we have our own ideas and interests that don't necessarily fit in with a socially based system. A lot of the leaders have this idea of how women should be while the followers, who get unwritten social rules, cues, they probably follow because they don't want look like they are standing out in anyway. So they do what they can to fit in.

Though we are not leaders and followers, I have learned that women mask because we want to blend in so people don't judge us. That said, most people see right through me and recognize the weirdness.


This makes a lot of sense, I feel like this is why for me women are drawn to me initially. I also think they see the weirdness as well. I just keep on swimming as there is nothing else to do.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


SpottedMushroom
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2021
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Indiana, USA

13 May 2021, 9:00 pm

Yes. I think for me it's because I've had mostly bad experiences with women throughout my life. Family members, friends, anyone who is "supposed" to be considered close. As children we are all socialized a certain way and expected to follow expectations regarding gender. I didn't know this for a long time and I think I tried for a while to figure it out, but by my mid twenties I decided I didn't want to perform for other people.

I don't hate women. I just was never able to be around them without making them uncomfortable somehow. They make me uncomfortable. I don't even consider myself male or female and I think that really throws people off in general.

I've read that autistic women tend to be judged heavily due to gender expectations. That we are seen as "more masculine." But if you think about it, that really just means an absence of effort put in to conform to femininity. I don't have interest in appealing to others' ideas of what I should look like, or how I should dress, or what I should think and feel. It shouldn't matter to literally anyone if I shave or not, if I wear makeup, what clothes I wear, or how my hair is cut. If I have a choice of something practical or cute, sometimes I will pick the cute thing, sure. But most the time, I want my money's worth.

I was never really seen as "one of the girls." I was picked on a lot and always told there were things wrong with me. Because of this, I gravitated toward male friends, but I've struggled with them for different reasons. I think one problem is that men can be easier to get along with, not because they are friendlier, but because they don't take people as seriously to begin with? In general. I often thought I was developing male friendships in school, but I wasn't. I just happened to be there, there wasn't a genuine connection taking place. But it was very confusing because there was also less criticism.

These days I have much more trouble no matter what. People don't like the way I present myself or my assertiveness. But it is hard for me to feel safe around women, mostly because of my mother. And that's no one's fault but hers.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,037

17 May 2021, 6:38 am

Spotted Mushroom, I feel the same way too. Though I don't care about impressing other women, I have been doing some research on the way women dress, wear their hair, and make-up . So I went out and recently bought a few things so I would blend in.

Yesterday, I ran out to run some errands and I happened to put on make-up, fix my hair, and dress like the women I research. Though I was still uncomfortable, it helped. Other things, I have a problem with talking and sometimes it comes out awkward so I:
1. Made small talk about some samples at a new food court option but didn't talk a lot
2. I said as little as possible
3. I was as polite as I could be

Otherwise I went about my business and no one gave me any stares

Was I burned out by the time I left? Yes.



violetdr3amer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2021
Age: 921
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: UK

17 May 2021, 1:38 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Spotted Mushroom, I feel the same way too. Though I don't care about impressing other women, I have been doing some research on the way women dress, wear their hair, and make-up . So I went out and recently bought a few things so I would blend in.

Yesterday, I ran out to run some errands and I happened to put on make-up, fix my hair, and dress like the women I research. Though I was still uncomfortable, it helped. Other things, I have a problem with talking and sometimes it comes out awkward so I:
1. Made small talk about some samples at a new food court option but didn't talk a lot
2. I said as little as possible
3. I was as polite as I could be

Otherwise I went about my business and no one gave me any stares

Was I burned out by the time I left? Yes.


I used to be very preoccupied with clothes, make-up, hair, my weight etc (pre diagnosis) in a desperate attempt to fit in. This actually backfired, because other girls have told me that I was intimidating and they assumed that I was arrogant because of the way I looked (and I have to say I looked f*****g good). It didn't really work for me, because no matter how good my make-up was or how cool my outfits were, I am blunt, intelligent and opinionated, which is just not how good girls should be, alas, lol



SpottedMushroom
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2021
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Indiana, USA

17 May 2021, 2:21 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Spotted Mushroom, I feel the same way too. Though I don't care about impressing other women, I have been doing some research on the way women dress, wear their hair, and make-up . So I went out and recently bought a few things so I would blend in.

Yesterday, I ran out to run some errands and I happened to put on make-up, fix my hair, and dress like the women I research. Though I was still uncomfortable, it helped. Other things, I have a problem with talking and sometimes it comes out awkward so I:
1. Made small talk about some samples at a new food court option but didn't talk a lot
2. I said as little as possible
3. I was as polite as I could be

Otherwise I went about my business and no one gave me any stares

Was I burned out by the time I left? Yes.


yes, it can be done for a price. I just don't want to pay it anymore. I want to peacefully coexist.



SpottedMushroom
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2021
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Indiana, USA

17 May 2021, 2:25 pm

violetdr3amer wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Spotted Mushroom, I feel the same way too. Though I don't care about impressing other women, I have been doing some research on the way women dress, wear their hair, and make-up . So I went out and recently bought a few things so I would blend in.

Yesterday, I ran out to run some errands and I happened to put on make-up, fix my hair, and dress like the women I research. Though I was still uncomfortable, it helped. Other things, I have a problem with talking and sometimes it comes out awkward so I:
1. Made small talk about some samples at a new food court option but didn't talk a lot
2. I said as little as possible
3. I was as polite as I could be

Otherwise I went about my business and no one gave me any stares

Was I burned out by the time I left? Yes.


I used to be very preoccupied with clothes, make-up, hair, my weight etc (pre diagnosis) in a desperate attempt to fit in. This actually backfired, because other girls have told me that I was intimidating and they assumed that I was arrogant because of the way I looked (and I have to say I looked f*****g good). It didn't really work for me, because no matter how good my make-up was or how cool my outfits were, I am blunt, intelligent and opinionated, which is just not how good girls should be, alas, lol


Sounds like you did too well :lol: but, right, the problem is people don't want you to be yourself, which is not okay. at the same time, I would settle for being seen as intimidating...have you seen the absolute thirst over that video game vampire lady??