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billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 2:10 pm

the worst dating advice every is the whole ''you need confidence'' now having confidence is not bad,
it good not just for dating but for life in general.

but the problem with the confidence advice is the ''omit fallacy''
the advivors alot of times leave out other keys too.
for example, you need to have cleen teeth,, nice cloth, good body posture.

for example, a stinky, overweight and rude guy is not going to get a girl with confidence.
an unattractive, short man is not going to get a playboy model with confidence.

a redneck with no teeth, has weird fetish, and carry around a snake is not going to get a girl with confidence.

now confidence is not bad, but you need alot more than just confidence.



billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 2:19 pm

and the other problem with confidence is, now I understand about wearing clean clothes, keep yourself clean, and not being rude.
But what if you like being a geek, you like wearing mario brother shirt, or being little bit ''goofy'' and having fun in life, not being
so serious about thing.

can you be confidence without being a so called alpha male. do you have to wear the best clothes, and be the best ''alpha acting male''
take me, I do take showers, I lift wieghts, I run, I do martial arts, I am not rude towards women ( unless they are first) and enjoy talking
to them but at the same time, I like my shirts I wear, I like being an ''eccentric'' crazy guy, I like having fun, and saying my lame stupid jokes,
but I have alot of confidence in myself, but I am not a pretty boy alpha male either. and I don't care to be one, I never want to be the player type.
I hate wearing nice clothes and acting all macho and all that s**t.

so that another second problem with you have to have confidence. the one advisor exclude the whole ''keep yourself clean, clean clothes,good personality''
where the second type advisor says to have ''confidence'' but you have to become a ''so called alpha male''

sorry, little ranting here.



Wolfheart
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28 Apr 2013, 2:59 pm

Confidence is about believing in yourself even you enjoy wearing a Mario shirt, If a girl asks you if you are confidence in it, you need to express it instead of not being confident. You need to put a confident spin on it instead of seeking approval or worrying about what others think.



JanuaryMan
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28 Apr 2013, 3:13 pm

Confidence isn't a key to universal success but it works for many people. It would work for you, Bill. Make a few changes and find the confidence to carry yourself. A lot of the confidence comes from being comfortable with who you are. If you aren't comfortable with certain elements, change them or improve them.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Apr 2013, 4:01 pm

"You must have Confidence" is...well....Bullshit.

Skill is the key.

You get the confidence after you master the skill in order to achieve success in specific field.

When girls say they want a "a guy with confidence" - they mean in English (or Arabic or French) "I want a guy with SOCIAL confidence" or in some instances " "I want a guy with enough SOCIAL skills that allow him to talk to ME with confidence".
A geek for example typically lacks the social skills hence not confident in social events but that same geek might be very confident when it comes to programming or solving math in class while the social butterfly soccer player might shits bricks just by the thought of it, then who's more confident? The geek or the soccer player? It depends in what.



billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 4:02 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
Confidence is about believing in yourself even you enjoy wearing a Mario shirt, If a girl asks you if you are confidence in it, you need to express it instead of not being confident. You need to put a confident spin on it instead of seeking approval or worrying about what others think.


that what real confidence is. feeling comfortable in yourself, no matter how you dress.
but of course, you need to stay clean and not wear dirty clothes.

my rant is against dating advisor, who to me, make no sense in their advice.



billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 4:08 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
"You must have Confidence" is...well....Bullshit.

Skill is the key.

You get the confidence after you master the skill in order to achieve success in specific field.

When girls say they want a "a guy with confidence" - they mean in English (or Arabic or French) "I want a guy with SOCIAL confidence" or in some instances " "I want a guy with enough SOCIAL skills that allow him to talk to ME with confidence".
A geek for example typically lacks the social skills hence not confident in social events but that same geek might be very confident when it comes to programming or solving math in class while the social butterfly soccer player might shits bricks just by the thought of it, then who's more confident? The geek or the soccer player? It depends in what.


right, because how many ''confidence'' guys can get girls, if they have bad odor, rude personality, openly sexist, and like Neil diamond, what the odds of these guys getting a date
compare to a ''confidence'' guys who dress nice, smell goods, great personality, and like american football.

nothing wrong with confidence but it's not the whole picture.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Apr 2013, 4:12 pm

billiscool wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Confidence is about believing in yourself even you enjoy wearing a Mario shirt, If a girl asks you if you are confidence in it, you need to express it instead of not being confident. You need to put a confident spin on it instead of seeking approval or worrying about what others think.


that what real confidence is. feeling comfortable in yourself, no matter how you dress.
but of course, you need to stay clean and not wear dirty clothes.

my rant is against dating advisor, who to me, make no sense in their advice.


"Noun
The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust: "we had every confidence in the staff".
The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
Synonyms
trust - faith - reliance - belief - credit - credence
"

But being confident in your Super Mario shirt wouldn't make you look more attractive for most girls, neither more mature.



"Her: A Super Mario shirt? On a date?
Him: Yeah! Super Mario is my idol! He's my hero!! (Pure Confidence!! !)
Her: *looking left and right embarrassingly* .... :roll:



billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 4:31 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

"Noun
The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust: "we had every confidence in the staff".
The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
Synonyms
trust - faith - reliance - belief - credit - credence
"

But being confident in your Super Mario shirt wouldn't make you look more attractive for most girls, neither more mature.



"Her: A Super Mario shirt? On a date?
Him: Yeah! Super Mario is my idol! He's my hero!! (Pure Confidence!! !)
Her: *looking left and right embarrassingly* .... :roll:


right, so that debunked the whole ''all you need is confidence'' so these dating advisior are wrong.
well, Im not very mature acting in the first place ( I am 15 year old trap in a 30 year old body)
but I like my shirts. if someone don't like my shirts or whatever I wear, then that their problem not mine.
and I have more than just mario shirts, I have other regular shirts too.



Ferrus91
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28 Apr 2013, 4:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
When girls say they want a "a guy with confidence" - they mean in English (or Arabic or French) "I want a guy with SOCIAL confidence" or in some instances " "I want a guy with enough SOCIAL skills that allow him to talk to ME with confidence".
A geek for example typically lacks the social skills hence not confident in social events but that same geek might be very confident when it comes to programming or solving math in class while the social butterfly soccer player might shits bricks just by the thought of it, then who's more confident? The geek or the soccer player? It depends in what.
Exactly, but when autism is defined pretty much exactly as not having those skills or only being able to emulate them in a subpar way, it is hard to see why any of us would have confidence and not feel like we are permanently on the losing side.



1000Knives
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28 Apr 2013, 4:48 pm

Get good enough at something that other people confirm that you're actually good instead of walking around thinking that you're awesome without any actual basis or confirmation from others.



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28 Apr 2013, 7:30 pm

It's seems to be less about confidence than it is about being able to take punches and keep going. To think that you are entitled to keep going, that you deserve better, that is where the confidence comes from.


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DialAForAwesome
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29 Apr 2013, 8:29 am

Confidence is not only not the end-all be-all like others claim, but people can't even define what it means to be confident when they say this.


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appletheclown
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29 Apr 2013, 9:12 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Confidence is not only not the end-all be-all like others claim, but people can't even define what it means to be confident when they say this.



The correct term is courage, not confidence. Bravado, courage, and skill, not confidence.


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DialAForAwesome
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29 Apr 2013, 4:56 pm

Courage and bravado isn't everything either.

I mean, consider the fact that there are plenty of courageous people out there who don't have relationships and are pretty much doomed never to have them.

There's got to be more to it than that.

I wouldn't even say skill matters. Skill doesn't help ugly people, for example.


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BlueMax
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29 Apr 2013, 5:30 pm

appletheclown wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
Confidence is not only not the end-all be-all like others claim, but people can't even define what it means to be confident when they say this.


The correct term is courage, not confidence. Bravado, courage, and skill, not confidence.


I agree. Most of the gals demanding that "confidence" are after what you mentioned rather than mere confidence itself. Very well articulated.