Hating my Aspergers and jealousy.

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EmoGlambertAspie
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30 Apr 2013, 6:32 pm

Long story short, I don't like Game of Thrones. I've seen a couple episodes and all it was, to me, was glorified porn. I got in an argument with one of my boyfriend's friends and everything seemed fine afterward, but she blocked me on Facebook. I rold my boyfriend about her blocking me and he got angry because I've told him before how I feel about the show. He understands my not wanting him to see some other woman's genitals spread-eagle, and he knows I'm not a prude because we do watch The Tudors and things like that together that do have nudity, but no gynecological shots and sex is always relevant to the story. I've found whenever I hear the show mentioned I get an almost PTSD-like reaction to it and freak out and get angry. He got mad and said I can't change other people's opinions, and that's not what I'm trying to do. I just wanted to go to him for comfort after I got upset and we ended up arguing. We're staying together but I just hate feeling like this. I know it's my Aspergers making me obsess over this and I don't want to. I told him those beaitiful perfect women on there make me feel ugly, and he said there's no reason for me to. I hate feeling like this. I almost feel like I don't deserve to have a boyfriend.


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hartzofspace
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30 Apr 2013, 7:26 pm

I feel your pain! As an aspie, I tend to obsess over things long after they are over, and hurt for a really long time over things, too. Your boyfriend sounds insensitive. I don't know why lots of men like to look at naked women and get so excited, especially when they are in a relationship. And, I feel the same way when we are watching a movie and there is a naked scene where some woman has a gorgeous body and I feel ugly in comparison. It hurts, that I do know.

You ought to check out nude male models on the computer, and make him sit next to you while you go oooh, and ahhhh... Just kidding. But it's tempting, isn't it? :)


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Giftorcurse
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30 Apr 2013, 7:26 pm

I'd hate to sound rude, but your boyfriend sounds like a major as*hole.

C'mon. Getting upset at you for being upset over content that you feel disgusts you? That's a little low, not to mention selfish.


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EmoGlambertAspie
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30 Apr 2013, 7:43 pm

I actually understand why he got upset; it was mainly because we've talked about it before. He said it's like I'm pounding the same nail over and over.

@hartzofspave I asked him how he would feel if I watched a show that always had men way more gorgeous than him (to him) with ten-inch hard-ons walking around naked all the time and he says it wouldn't bother him. He doesn't understand.


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pezar
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30 Apr 2013, 7:55 pm

I sold my TV years ago. Most of it is simply trash. Sex and violence, violence and sex. Violent sex, sexy violence. Barf. If he's making you watch TV shows that make you uncomfortable, put your foot down and simply say you won't watch it with him, and if he insists tell him to think about getting another girlfriend. Aspies have a huge problem giving ultimatums, we worry that we won't find anybody else. We have a hard time standing up for ourselves, but you need to. I've never seen this show, I've heard that it has a huge following and is some sort of medieval war drama. I never understood why some men love "perfect" women, I like mine more natural.



EmoGlambertAspie
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30 Apr 2013, 7:58 pm

He isn't making me watch with him and doesn't watch it himself anymore. I've just told him before how uncomfortable it made me that such a show is popular when it's really an excuse for men to watch porn under the guise of it supposedly having a good plot.


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pezar
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30 Apr 2013, 8:14 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
He isn't making me watch with him and doesn't watch it himself anymore. I've just told him before how uncomfortable it made me that such a show is popular when it's really an excuse for men to watch porn under the guise of it supposedly having a good plot.


Most of cable TV is like that. Weirdly, nudity isn't ok on over the air TV, but violence is, so you get something really disgusting on OTA TV like The Following that has all this blood and guts, and then on cable you get naked women.



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01 May 2013, 12:09 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
I actually understand why he got upset; it was mainly because we've talked about it before. He said it's like I'm pounding the same nail over and over.

@hartzofspave I asked him how he would feel if I watched a show that always had men way more gorgeous than him (to him) with ten-inch hard-ons walking around naked all the time and he says it wouldn't bother him. He doesn't understand.

No, he probably doesn't understand. I had an ex who kept talking about sexual things he did with his ex girlfriends, who couldn't understand why I didn't want to hear them. Finally I painted him a verbal scenario. I pretended to start raving about an ex boyfriend's sexual prowess. He finally admitted that he felt weird and uncomfortable, and then he stopped the behavior. Of course he had other bad qualities, so we split up.


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01 May 2013, 1:28 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
I actually understand why he got upset; it was mainly because we've talked about it before. He said it's like I'm pounding the same nail over and over.

@hartzofspave I asked him how he would feel if I watched a show that always had men way more gorgeous than him (to him) with ten-inch hard-ons walking around naked all the time and he says it wouldn't bother him. He doesn't understand.


This would bother him. He is lieing.



hartzofspace
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01 May 2013, 1:47 pm

catwhisperer wrote:
EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
I actually understand why he got upset; it was mainly because we've talked about it before. He said it's like I'm pounding the same nail over and over.

@hartzofspave I asked him how he would feel if I watched a show that always had men way more gorgeous than him (to him) with ten-inch hard-ons walking around naked all the time and he says it wouldn't bother him. He doesn't understand.


This would bother him. He is lieing.

Yes. Either that or he is in denial!


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01 May 2013, 3:40 pm

I'm sort of in a similar situation as you are. It doesn't involve love relationships, but it's affecting the relationship between me and my mum. I keep obsessing over strangers greeting my mum (or anyone who I'm with for that matter), because I've had upsetting experiences in the past. OK, they weren't traumatic, but they still didn't do much good to my self-esteem. My post would go on forever if I explained what they were (since people online always want posts to be precise, otherwise I get interrogated about what was my body language like and all of that crap and it just goes on and on), but to a cut a long story short I once passed an old lady when I was on a bike and I kindly got off the bike to let her pass and gave friendly eye contact and smiled in a friendly way blah blah blah blah and the rest and she just glared at me without a thank you so I thought ''OK maybe she's just a bit funny, I'll not take it personally'' but then I heard her say hello to my mum who was a couple of yards behind me and when I asked my mum who it was she said she didn't know, and I was like ''OK, if she's friendly enough to say hello to my mum then surely there was some sort of reason against me why she didn't even say thank you when I kindly got off my bike to let her through.'' So that is why I now get a sort of PTSD-like emotion when strangers MEANING SOMEBODY THEY DON'T KNOW passes and speaks. Now it makes me feel all angry inside and I can't stop obsessing over it, and I don't like being like this but I can't stop. It's different if you know somebody and you speak, in my world that is reasonable, but not strangers for f**k sake. Some people may say it's being friendly but I say it's a way to say ''I will only greet people who look a certain way, I will not greet you because you look weird'', and it damages my self-esteem and makes me feel self-conscious, complete vicious circle and I'm fed up with it.


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Greatsharkbite
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02 May 2013, 5:15 pm

OP, if your bf is actually commenting on how attractive these women are in front of you and you've told him not to comment--I can kinda understand, if he's not... you probably need to leave it alone.

If he says it in front of you and you're uncomfortable with it--thats one thing, but him viewing any other women you deem attractive is jealousy. The only thing thats going to happen is you're going to eventually give him a reason to do it on his own time. He does things when you're around--because he wants you to trust him. He unfortunately for you guys (since you hate the show) watched this show with you--because you're not just a piece of meat to him, your an invaluable companion who he wants to spend time with and do some of the things he enjoys together with you. Its a really good thing you guys aren't watching the show together.

Its not like a relative of mine who'd talk about how attractive other women were behind his wifes back or worse yet outright flirt with them.

He has no interest in these people, no plans on approaching anyone or daydreaming about them, nor is hiding anything from you or trying to be disrespectful for that matter.

It was probably hard for him to comfort you in that situation--entirely because of the previous history you guys have with other situations involving your insecurities in this relationship and your previous insecurities with your body in general. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, you've made tremendous progress but time now has to sink in to let that progress shine through and even if possible expand on it slowly.

I've never seen game of thrones, so I can't say much to that affect other than I know there are shows that are glorified porn. Why worry so much about what he can replace? You can replace him as well if you wanted-- you're peers and equals. You are kinda like that supervisor that looks over the workers shoulder to see if the workers doing what they should be. In a relationship, the more time you spend doing that--the less time you're actually enjoying the relationship. You need to trust that you're in a committed relationship and that he accepts your worth.



Last edited by Greatsharkbite on 03 May 2013, 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

sunshower
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02 May 2013, 10:47 pm

Being a big fan of Game of Thrones myself, I can understand that there is controversy over the nudity and violence on there, however it is definitely not what I would call "glorified porn". It's very much a complex medieval fantasy and despite on occasion there can be a lot of it, nudity is only a small part of the main content and plotline in terms of importance etc. Game of Thrones is centered around complex political intrigue, magic, battles between multiple armies and power hungry individuals desperate to win a particular throne, and also the threat of blue "dead" people rising up over the land with an oncoming winter that can last years and years.


AAAnyway, what I'm trying to say here, is that Game of Thrones is NOTHING like the one movie of porn I've seen plus the female fan base for it is equally huge and a massive chunk of it would be fantasy geeks like myself. I know the point of the thread is not to argue about whether Game of Thrones is porn or not, but nearly all the posters on this thread are condemning it as such without actually watching it.

Again, as a fan of GoT, your boyfriend making the decision not to watch it because it upsets you would be a huge sacrifice on his part (I know, while I definitely wouldn't make my partner watch it with me if it offended him, I sure as hell wouldn't stop watching it because he decided he didn't like it). It's kind of like your boyfriend telling you he finds one of your favourite books offensive so you should stop reading it.

So yeah, pretty damn good of him to stop watching it altogether for your sake. I can't comment on the facebook argument without knowing the context behind it.


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03 May 2013, 3:26 am

Giftorcurse wrote:
I'd hate to sound rude, but your boyfriend sounds like a major as*hole.

C'mon. Getting upset at you for being upset over content that you feel disgusts you? That's a little low, not to mention selfish.


What do you expect him to feel? It's nowhere close to porn.



EmoGlambertAspie
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03 May 2013, 10:39 pm

He DIDN'T MAKE ME WATCH IT WITH HIM. I just know his friends do. And I recently asked him if he watches porn and he said he does, we had a big fight and he told me he only thinks about getting off when he watches it and doesn't have a crush on any of the actresses or think of them when he's with me. I came very close to breaking up with him but he was practically crying when we argued, and I know he wouldn't cheat physically. Thing is though, he lied to me about it before (to protect my feelings but still), so what else has he lied to me about? But I asked him to be honest and asked if he goes to strip clubs, thinks of pornstars when we kiss, etc. and he said he was insulted and I need to learn that he's not them (the guys who get obsessed with the porn actresses, addicted to the porn, fantasize about pornstars when with their women, etc.), that he uses it at MOST a few times a week, and ALL he thinks about is getting off - he isn't imagining f*****g the other women. But at least I know he was telling the truth because I asked him so many times and he was almost crying. :)


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