Bullies - Your Guide To Self-Defense

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"As it often happens those in the position of social outcast find themselves in situations many would consider undesirable. It is therefore that I write this simple guide for people in such circumstances." ~ Sam

I. Two-Ways

There are only 2 methods for dealing with a bully, either you accept they will tease you from time-to-time or you take some action against them.

Should you choose to accept their nature you must be prepared for their mental attacks on a daily basis, at random points in the day, for as long as you cross paths with them. While this offers you a chance to build self-confidence by fending them off I've found it eventually wears you down to a point of depression. Constantly being insulted, harassed, and told things you don't enjoy is torture. That's the main point to take notice of, they are torturing you, it's not friendliness.

Should you choose to take some action against them you must be prepared for the effects afterwards. This action cannot be ultimately violent, it must have some final goal. For example, if they tease you, if they make you feel bad, it's important to make them aware of it, not merely ignore that fact. When faced with your humanity they will find you aren't an object anylonger, instead you become human. The first step in stopping them is to show weakness, but not be weak, there is a difference. However I also say that no matter my feelings I was never able to stop a bully fully. This is where you must take direct action, something many are unwilling to try.

After you've chosen from the above 2 possible choices there is a more important thing to consider, it's really a truth of life... if you're faced with 2 evils, defending yourself in a way you might not enjoy, or ignoring your feelings and how someone makes you less-than-nothing, must not everyone choose? The answer is yes... you must choose, and you can pick from the options I mentioned.

It's simple, ignore them forever and be sad, if you can do this and be happy all the better. Witty comments however won't work, and believe me you'll feel like trash anyway after the dust settles. You'll think "they teased me for so long, now they don't, but I still feel horrible inside". The way to fix this is to not let them talk, not let them insult you, to take direct action.

How is it done?

Direct action means first this, if they approach you and it's clear their intentions are to make jokes, poke fun at you, immediately say "I appreciate your interest in harassing me daily but I must tell you I won't accept your insults anylonger". When you say that they'll probably be like "oh yeah, you know you're a little *** what're you gonna do" and continue making fun of you.

With that it's important to tell anyone else around them "if you think your friend here is going to keep teasing me everyday you're all very wrong, and I won't stand for it. If you continue being around when this happens my action won't just be against him". They'll say "oh look, a little baby, you gonna cry now and tell the principle". When they say that answer "I'm not going to tell anyone, but I will make certain you are sorry for troubling me". With this they'll begin wondering how serious you are..... that's good.

So what then? As I mentioned you're faced with 2 things, choosing one evil over another, that is what it means to be human + alive. You'll need to kick his butt and right there, regardless of the consequences! Afraid you say? Well it's simple.... you're afraid either way, and although you'll get in trouble you'd be in the same exact place if you didn't fight only nobody would know about it.

So I know a little Jeet Kune Do, but I will say this... if you can fight then teach the bully a lesson, if you can't then use a stool in lunch and hit them with it. If his friends try joining in to fight you say "what, you're so weak and pathetic you can't let him battle me alone". They'll back off, and if they don't they'll soon be laughing stocks.

I know this is kinda nuts, but what is really nuts is letting anyone constantly berate and hurt you emotionally. Do you wanna end up on Zoloft like me someday?

If you're nonviolent go tell your parents, but the true sign of a man or lady is their ability to make a choice on their own, without someone telling them right or wrong. You know already don't you, it's wrong to be bullied!

PS There is no peaceful solution, but this can work.

Oh and 1 more thing, don't let anyone say you have a behavior problem if you're defending your honor or your emotional body. If they take you to the side and say "you know you're causing alot of trouble for everybody" say "no, you're the one causing trouble for me, I only defended myself from someone hurting me emotionally, and you call that weak. You're the ones that are weak, maybe you should keep this guy away so I don't kick his butt again instead of telling me what I did wrong." They'll be all whiney, but that's because they can't control you, they wanna control people that are confident you see, it's cuz they are stupid :-P

This is absolutely true.

I knew that my 11 year old son was being somewhat teased -- not really bullied, but more like told to go away.

We moved to a new location, and in sixth grade someone tried to bully my son. He punched him in the nose, very publicly, and never had a problem from then on. Not only did it end the bullying from ANYONE, but it gave my son a new sense of self-worth -- that he could handle himself. He never had to be physical again.

I don't advocate violence at all. But I do advocate young men never having to feel badly about themselves -- especially when they are made to feel badly by other young men who have crappy parents who don't teach them basic human kindness. If you have to punch one kid in the nose to avoid years and years of depression, I'm all for a punch in the nose.

Kris

Thank you, yes you see she concurs :->

I never stood up to a bully, I was completely suicidal since Junior High when just about anyone picked on me, insulted me, and made life hell. Also I was terribly depressed in High School and felt worthless... you see that's what happens when you let someone make you feel badly, if only emotionally. You can go through life in a living nightmare, wondering when the next person will hurt and make fun of you. It's not everyones fault, it's just that they see a way to make themselves feel worth more than another.

It's important to realize, you either pretend to deal with a bully in a way that makes you depressed, sad, suicidal, lose your sense of self, or you take direct action. It's not about having someone help, telling someone, it's about making you responsible for what happens, and not backing away when you are afraid. It's more scary to be in the place I was for so long, now I wouldn't accept anything like what I did back then, it really was the worst time but should've been the best :-Z~

PS I luV u!

Examples of bullying I've had are:

1. Someone calling me gay for being nervous in the gym locker because I would look around to see if anyone was watching me. For that he said I was watching others and was a fag.

2. Someone pushing me up against a locker and telling me I was worthless and weak.

3. Someone throwing spitballs at me, not on a single day but everyday for weeks.

4. People in lunch telling me how worthless I was, how I deserved to be made fun of, all when trying to just eat lunch alone.

5. People saying I was a freak, openly

6. A teacher saying I was pathetic, worthless, because she decided to sing in in Science class (wtf) and I giggled through it cuz it made me wonder if she was insane. Turns out she was a Christian? Nice lady, not... and she did it in front of the entire class.

Many other examples, but those are a few. Once this guy Shawn punched me in the ribs outside gym class waiting to get inside, it hurt so bad I fell to the ground, then realized my rib popped out of place. It popped back in later but I felt terrible for such a long time because I let him.

So yeah, it never ends if you don't use direct action.

For me, the only thing that worked was fighting against them. If I ignored them, they kept on trying to get me to break. So I stand up to them and hurt them, whether it's emotionally and physically. I don't think it's the best way to deal with a bully, but it's the only way that worked for me.

Good guide,violence is teh only way,enuff said.

When I was in HS a kid pushed me into a wall head first. I swung at him a few times before I realized my head was bleeding. Later I leaned that I game him a bloody nose. It didn't make him leave me alone but I did feel pretty good about it.

I know violence isn't the answer... I got it wrong on purpose!

I've fought with my enemies quite alot but I can defend and take the pain. If I wanted to, I could have them in a grave by using my brain and kicking them where it hurts. But I'm not about to screw my chances in the name of revenge.

Now let's take it a step further, if the fellow that had punched the kid when he was thrown against the locker had done more, perhaps he would've been left alone.

Here's what I'd do now. Kid throws you against locker? Kick his butt, and I don't mean in a little way, teach him that any contact between you and him will result in pain, this way it will give him a reason to stay away.

PS I'm at work, I'll write more when these customers leave, their pathetic.

Learn some for of Juditsu like Judo or aikido. That way, you're enemies attack is their folly.

Ah, good old school days...I remember being harrassed by kids for most of it

Remember these things - the bullies are doing it for a POWER TRIP. They are attacking you because it makes them FEEL GOOD, like they are better than someone. This means they have an element of INSECURITY that they must nurse! When they choose a target, it's someone they know they can toy with. Think of a lion playing with a mouse before it eats it.

This in mind, taking the moral high ground, coming up with little quips and smart comments, talking to them calmly and directly, etc...this makes your problem worse IMO...always did for me. Fight fire with fire

Personally...I'd insult them right back (cleverly as I can muster) or break their nose

If you do fight them, get them on the ground kick them in the gut and spit on then, curbstomp them if you must, you need to tell them that you are better on every level.

Yes!! Muhahaha!!

Keep in mind you really want to take the fun away, and doing that means a little tiff. You don't need to kill them, just manage to let them realize you aren't a target.

Take care, one may run risk of becoming the bully if things go oddly :-Z~