Friends?

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Running out of ideas. Having no friends is bad enough. But, having no friends and knowing it is worse. It has been years since anyone has called him. He always calls them. Breaks my heart, he is such a good boy.

how old is he and what are his interests and maybe somebody on here can offer some suggestions.

My son is 12 and we have had good experience with a meetup.com group where they play video games together with other kids with AS.

He is13. He is a wonderful cartoonist and enjoys acting. School is very hard for him and it has been a terrible year. He is very aware that he is different and hates that. A very, very social boy however language is very difficult for him and as he gets older he is unable to keep up.

Many of us have found success for our kids outside of school, in groups that support their interests. My son is part of a group of other boys on the spectrum who are learning computer programming.

You might see if there are arts camps or acting camps or afterschool programs he can attend. Cartooning can be a wonderful stand-in for social skills; if he can draw what he wants to say instead of saying it, sometimes that works as a way to bring other kids around.

can he find some socialization with the kids forum here on wp?

There are some Aspergers pages on facebook where kids can post their interests and others with similar interests can swap details and become pen pals. Now hes 13 Im sure there are plenty of online options and websites for kids in his position and there may be some in your area.

If he found some online friends, that may be an escape for him after school and its a good start

Be very, very careful about online friends! Cyberbullying is very real, and can be something that follows kids home from school.

We've found that DS does better having one or two friends who have nothing to do with school. Lately, he doesn't socialize with his school friends once he's left there, and I think that works better for all of us. He's got 2-3 really good friends who don't go to his school, and that really helps insulate him from social difficulty at school.

It wasn't intentional - it just sort of happened that way - but I had been told by a social worker and had read that children who are successful but who struggle socially tend to have friendships that are totally separate from school, so when they happened, I did foster them.

It also gives DS an opportunity to socialize with these "good" friends in a one-on-one or very small group setting, where he's less likely to mess things up and the other kids are more likely to be tolerant. Even though all reports indicate that DS is doing well socially in school, I know it is significantly difficult for him, but it doesn't seem to bother him as much as it used to (I do know he is occasionally teased, but is not being actively bullied at this time - at least, according to him.)

Sometimes finding kids in a similar boat outside your class level (a grade or so above or below) within the school can help too. I did this accidentally. People are not as aware of how "uncool" someone is necessarily if they are in a different grade and it gives people courage. Sometimes people don't want to be seen with known "uncool" kids, (despite being uncool themselves), but when they don't know, it is fine. It took me years in retrospect to figure out that my older friends were not cool. To me they were older so they must be cool, you know?

My 12 y/o ds is also very social. He slowly lost all friends between 4th and 5th grade. Now in 6th grade and he really doesn't have any "friends" but we make sure he has social opportunities. He does play regularly with two boys in the neighborhood who are three years younger than him. He plays at the meetup group with his "new friends." He goes to chess club and has positive interactions with the kids at chess club. It really gets him down sometimes too. It helps that his sister is only one year older, so when kids come around to hang out with her, he hangs out with them too. I think a cousin, sibling, or friend of the family can help in this arena in this way. Also, she is direct in telling him when he is doing something that is making the other kids annoyed with him (she doesn't tell him in front of them).

As he enjoys acting, is there a community theater group in your area?

Thank you all for your wonderful ideas. We have done several theater groups. Unfortunately, when the group is over, things end. No friends have come from any. Talking to other kids on the computer makes me nervous. He has no fear and thinks everyone is good. We are taking him out of his school and trying a new one next year. He has asked to leave. He says he has no friends there. I just don't know what to do to help him find that one friend. It is a very hard.
Thanks again for your suggestions!